Identifying My Attachments While Writing an Article for the 13th China Fahui
(Minghui.org) When I read “Call for Articles for the 13th China Fahui on Minghui.org”, I immediately thought that another year has passed, and I have cultivated so poorly. What can I write about?
I downloaded podcasts from the 12th China Fahui. I realized after listening to them that there was a huge gap between my cultivation and theirs. Had I experienced anything worth writing about?
I was hesitant about putting pen to paper, but while practicing the exercises most of the content and structure of the article came to me, including a title.
One night, I had a dream in which we were supposed to take a test, but I was wandering about outside. Someone asked me why I didn't go in to take the test. I replied that I'd already taken it and had my score.
When the others came out of the building and asked why I hadn't taken it, I repeated my reply. They were quick to point out that my score was from a mid-term exam, and that I had indeed missed the final exam. I was shocked!
I realized that I had to write my sharing article. But when I sat down to write, I could barely write anything. I had a hard time finding the right words to express what I wanted to say and kept deleting what I wrote. I felt that I hadn't cultivated well and thought about giving up.
I read “Call for Articles for the 13th China Fahui on Minghui.org” again, and one sentence in particular stood out: “Avoid words and greetings with no substance so as not to validate oneself using Minghui articles.”
Was I writing this to validate myself or the Fa?
If I decided not to write anything because I haven't cultivated well, doesn't it prove that my intention was to show only my good side and hide the not-so-good side? If I think that I've done so well and immediately write a sharing without hesitation, am I showing off unconsciously? Would that be validating myself?
The reason I couldn't find the right words was because I always liked to write in a very florid and descriptive style, avoiding plain language.
Deep down, my intention was to show how well I could write and validate myself!
However, the reason we write our experiences and share them is to encourage each other to advance solidly in our cultivation and play a better role assisting Master with Fa-rectification. I should focus on the content instead of my style of writing!
After I became clear on these key issues, I started writing again. Tears came to my eyes as I thought about my experiences.
The terrible pain of eliminating my old attachments came back, and I wanted to give up writing several times. It took me nearly a week to finish writing. I finally calmed down but wondered why I kept crying.
I realized that my old attachments hadn't been thoroughly eliminated, and were stirred up as I thought about the past. The process of writing exposed these stubborn substances, which were attempting to stop me from writing.
When I wrote about my over-reliance on others, my attachment to being passive resurfaced and affected me.
A few days ago, I invited my parents to come with me to put up truth clarification banners and posters, but they didn't want to because they were exhausted from working through the hot summer. Their not wanting to go made me not want to go either. I was still obviously attached to relying on others.
Seeing this attachment, I made a conscious effort and went out to put up the banners by myself that day, even though I fear dogs, snakes and passing by the cemetery at night. This fear was exactly what I needed to break through.
While I was out, I panicked when I heard a dog barking, but eventually I ignored them.
When I tried to throw the banners up into the trees, I sometimes missed the branch and it ended up going in to the thick grass. I was afraid of walking across the grass because there might be snakes or insects in there. However, when I thought about how much time and effort I put into making these banners, I summoned up the courage to walk across the grass and found my banner. I wasn't bitten by anything.
As I passed the cemetery, I recited Master's poem:
“If you have fear, they will grab youOnce your thought is righteous, evil will collapsePeople practicing cultivation, filled with FaSending righteous thoughts, exploding rotten ghostsGods are in the world, validating Fa”(“What’s There to Fear” from Hong Yin Volume II)
The next day, when I read what I had written about my over-reliance on others, I didn't feel as sad as I did when I was writing it. I realized that by overcoming my fear and going out alone to post banners I had eliminated my attachment, and it wouldn't disturb me again.
The above is what I've experienced while writing this article. Please point out anything inappropriate!