(Minghui.org) Last August 19, I was shocked to hear that my father was at the brink of death.
I rushed back home to find my father on a hospital bed, with a number of tubes inserted. He looked deathly pale and had difficulty breathing.
My mother told me he had a cerebral hemorrhage and had lost a lot of blood. Doctors told the family that his condition was extremely critical and that we should prepare for his funeral.
Devastated, I burst into loud sobs.
The doctors said surgery was possible, but success was slim. My mother finally decided to go for it; however hopeless, we had to give it a try.
Many fellow practitioners heard the news and came to the hospital. Just as my father was pushed into the operation room, the alert for sending forth righteous thought was sounded. I asked everybody to help send forth righteous thoughts for my father.
In my heart, I knew only Dafa can save him. I pleaded with Master. I promised I would help my father to cultivate and study the Fa diligently if his life was spared.
I turned 12 in 1998. That was the year I started practicing Falun Dafa with my parents.
I grew up sickly and frail. In my young life, not a day would go by without my suffering from a variety of pain somewhere in my body.
Ever since I started practicing Dafa, through reading the books and doing the exercises, all my physical problems disappeared without a trace and without my full awareness.
At the beginning, the idea of “Falun Dafa is good!” was only something felt.
Sometimes, my celestial eye could see many beautiful and wondrous things. I lacked enlightenment, so I didn’t realize those were all real. I thought they were just my imagination.
Before long, the persecution descended upon us on July 20, 1999. Every TV and radio station was broadcasting lies about Falun Dafa.
My mother fell victim to the evil slander, but my father remained steadfast. He would go out to validate Dafa, and I would go out at night with him to put up truth-clarification posters. I was not too afraid.
As time passed, with outside pressure looming all around, things that interfered with my Fa study grew more and stronger. Sometimes, my father could not maintain his patience with me and left me alone.
Each time that happened, I would feel very sad. I felt that deep down I really wanted to study the Fa, but there were just so many obstacles I couldn’t break through.
When I started working, the pressure from my job, the ways of the world, and the need to blend in and get along were all looming problems that I couldn't handle. Eventually, I got myself lost in society’s big dye vat, lingering and struggling amid fame, fortune, lust, and anger, living my life by merely muddling along aimlessly.
After surgery, my father remained comatose for 20 days, during which time he developed multiple life-threatening complications.
For 20 days straight, my family watched over him, tormented by worry and uncertainty, while fellow practitioners continued to drop in and send forth righteous thoughts for his recovery. I would play Master’s lectures on videotape so my father could listen.
My father finally woke up. Practitioners helped to settle him in a private room. Many showed up every day to send forth righteous thoughts with my father.
He recovered rather quickly. With help, he could slowly get up off the bed and walk around a bit.
The doctors noted how well my father was doing in a relatively short time. They were amazed. They thought that was incredible. According to their knowledge and experience, patients with my father’s condition would have been partially paralyzed even if they recovered.
When my father regained consciousness, he insisted on going home.
So, after being in the hospital for 33 days, my father finally was discharged. The chief surgeon brought along a large group of doctors to see him off.
Fellow practitioners set up a Fa study group at my home so they could help my father get back on his feet through studying the Fa.
Because my father was still experiencing speech problems and had forgotten a lot of words, I stayed by his side to help him during Fa study. By helping my father, I helped myself to return to Dafa.
We encountered much interference at the beginning. My father went into spasms several times. I was rather frightened, but we persisted in Fa study. Through nonstop Fa study, I also experienced many miracles as well as tribulations.
I felt I was unworthy of studying Dafa because of the many years of having allowed myself to be contaminated in society’s big dye vat.
I couldn’t shake off the feeling of oppression weighing down on my conscience until I came across a passage in the Fa.
Master says:
“After a person comes to this social environment of everyday people, human interference will make him pursue fame or fortune and he will eventually drop to the level of everyday people. There will never be a day for him to escape from here. Therefore, nobody dares to come here, as everyone will be afraid. Yet there are such people who have come here. Upon arrival, they indeed cannot conduct themselves well among everyday people. They will indeed stumble to low levels and commit many wrongdoings in their lifetimes.” (Zhuan Falun)
I couldn’t control my tears. The sense of unworthiness that had created insurmountable hindrances for my serious Fa study gradually dissipated.
After I had this breakthrough, Master continued to enlighten me.
One time, Master let me see the book Zhuan Falun glowing in a variety of colors. When I was reading a certain passage, the words would suddenly light up. When I was doing the exercises, I would see deities and immortals in splendid attires, or I would see the Fa boat ready to set sail, or I would hear sweet music from another dimension.
Under Master’s encouragement, I felt myself elevating as if riding on a rocket. I continued to rectify myself. I resolved to read every book and article Master has published, commit Lunyu to memory, and do well the three things, in hopes that I could catch up to the current stage of Fa-rectification.
Making resolutions was one thing. Putting the resolutions into practice was quite another. I kept running into obstacles, and overcoming them was not easy. However, every time an obstacle was overcome, I would feel that a layer had been shed from my shell.
One day, I wanted my father to watch Master’s lecture videos, but my father didn’t want to.
I got very upset and said to him in anger, “Do whatever you want! I don’t care! I’ll watch it myself.”
I just started the videotape when I heard a loud crash and saw my father on the floor, curled up in a spasm.
I called out to Master in a big hurry, “Master, I did wrong, I did wrong! I shouldn’t have spoken the way I did. I negate any and everything the old forces are trying to do. Master, please save my father!”
And Master did.
I enlightened right away to the seriousness of keeping a promise. I had promised that if my father recovered from surgery, if his life was spared, I would help him cultivate and study the Fa diligently.
Another time, practitioners solicited my help to organize some phone numbers. I realized it was Master’s arrangement to give me an opportunity to participate in truth clarification. I was very happy.
However, after I found out what a monumental job that would turn out to be, I became impatient and wanted to devise an easy shortcut by using ordinary people’s cunning to finish the job quickly.
As a result, I ran into problems with my computer system.
I realized at once I did wrong again, so I promptly turned to Master, “I won’t rely on human trickery. I will finish the job the way it is supposed to be done.”
Master granted me wisdom and helped me resolve the problems in my computer system.
Cultivation is truly an absolutely serious matter.
Sometimes I would be asked to type in the names of those who had agreed to quit the Chinese Communist Party and its affiliated organizations. I considered the task small and insignificant.
“That’s participating in truth-clarification?” I thought, with a little contempt.
When that thought surfaced, I could not get online.
I realized at once that there is nothing small or insignificant in cultivation, that whatever we do, we need to have righteous thoughts, and that we need to approach everything with serious intent and to perform it to the best of our abilities.
Fellow practitioners informed me that some Dafa books originally on my cell phone had inappropriate formatting and should be destroyed.
At the time, I didn’t have a complete set of Dafa books and other writings in printed format. I only read them on my cell phone. So I wished to own a complete set.
Several days later, a practitioner visited me, and I shared with him my wish. He told me I could order an entire set. I was happy and promptly sent in an order.
Before long, the entire set of 45 books arrived. One of them was Master’s most recent article.
I have always had an attachment to perfection. And so, it happened that some of the book covers had wrinkles, and some of the pages were not cut properly or neatly.
That was when I realized that seeking perfection is also a very strong attachment, something I must cultivate away.
Master enlightened my father, so he asked me to double-check if every volume was there. I checked and discovered that the set has an extra copy of The Essentials of Diligent Progress Vol. III but was missing Teaching the Fa at the Conference III.
I knew that nothing is coincidental. What was Master trying to tell me?
I got hold of a copy of Teaching the Fa at the Conference III.
Master said,
“Looking at you, Master is so worried! Looking at you, Master is so worried!”(“Teaching and Explaining the Fa at the Metropolitan New York Fa Conference” from Teaching the Fa at the Conference III)
I realized at once the urgency we are all facing. Time is running out. We mustn’t let opportunities slip by. We must progress diligently. We mustn’t take Master’s mercy for granted.
While studying these 45 books, I continue to use my rational thinking to understand the Fa. Sometimes I am shaken up. Sometimes I am in tears.
Sometimes when I read fellow practitioners’ experience sharing, when they relate how studying the Fa has changed them fundamentally, I would wonder why the same thing was not happening to me.
Later, I discovered it was because I have not reached the level of genuine cultivation. Why haven’t I reached that level? It was because I was still befuddled with the Fa principles.
So, I started to study the Fa seriously and attentively.
When I got upset over contradictions and ready to blow off steam, I would ask myself, “Are you a genuine practitioner? Do you want to be one?”
And my answer would be, “Yes. I want to. I want to practice well. I want to be a genuine Dafa disciple!”
Master says: “As long as you upgrade your xinxing, you can overcome them. Unless you, yourself do not want to do so, you can make it, provided you want to overcome them.” (Zhuan Falun)
Master also says: “The self that is you is the innate self, and it does not change.” (“Buddha Nature” in Zhuan Falun Volume II)
I enlightened to the fact that those things that vexed me and made me angry are not me, but are acquired notions and thought karma.
My original, true self is assimilated to the universe’s characteristics.
Whatever path Master plans for each of us, whatever hurdles we come across, we can overcome. It is karma that does not want to overcome tribulations. It is karma that is trying to struggle out of being eliminated.
If we can be clearheaded and are able to differentiate karma from the true self, and make sure to utilize the power of our righteous thoughts, we can overcome karma.
Sometimes, when we find it hard to overcome, as long as we hang on to our righteous thoughts with mental clarity and with persistent Fa study, we will be able to strengthen our righteous thoughts.
Through writing this article, I uncovered my many attachments: dependency, fear, resentment, showing off, self importance, sentimentality, and others.
In my cultivation from now on, I will look inward without fail, I will consistently rectify myself, I will do well the three things, and I will strive forward vigorously.
I thank our magnificent and compassionate Master for granting me a chance to return to Dafa and renew my cultivation.
Heshi!
