My Shortcomings in Cultivation
(Minghui.org) No school of cultivation is easy. As cultivators, we know very well how important it is to be diligent in our cultivation.
Master taught us this a long time ago.
“The master takes you through the entrance, and it is up to you, yourself to practice cultivation. It all depends upon how you, yourself practice cultivation. Whether you can practice cultivation all depends upon whether you can endure, sacrifice, and suffer. If you can commit your mind, no difficulties can stop you. I would say that there is not a problem.” (Zhuan Falun)
We are approaching the last leg of our cultivation journey. Even now, I still have trouble being diligent. I would like to share some of my experiences and understandings with fellow practitioners.
1. Pursuing comfort and leisure, attachment to fear
I oftentimes take naps during the day, and sometimes they are long naps. I do poorly when I bring awareness of the persecution to people in person. In bad weather or when the persecution intensifies, I hesitate to go out.
2. Indulging in watching television
I enjoyed watching television programs before I started cultivation. I still indulge myself at times in watching TV. My husband left me because I won't give up my belief. The television programs triggered and intensified my emotional attachments. I knew that it was not a good state and that I should not be so attached, but I still could not help it.
3. Pushing away opportunities to improve
Whenever others pointed out my shortcomings, I got upset, felt wronged, and felt that others were ruining my reputation. I pushed away many opportunities to improve. Many people who commented in the past that I looked youthful now say that I have aged.
The other day I had a vivid dream, where Master came to me with a big name list. He came to graduate us. Many practitioners were in the class. When it was my turn, Master looked at me seriously and said, “You did not pass any tests or tribulations. You are not ready!” And then he left!
When I woke up, my shame and regret were beyond words. I realized after the dream that I had not truly cultivated, and I began paying close attention to the basics.
I reminded myself that nothing happens by chance. I opened my heart to other practitioners. I was determined to encourage and support other practitioners, so that we could improve together. I am handling criticism more calmly and don’t take it so personally anymore. I do not want to miss any chance of improving.
Looking back at the path that I have walked, the key issue was that I did not take my cultivation seriously enough, which means that I did not take my responsibility to Dafa and sentient beings seriously enough. Now I seize every moment to read the Fa with a calm mind.
I also would like to share the Fa that touched me deeply:
“If what you do is no longer worthy of a Dafa disciple, think about it, if under the greatest mercy since the beginning of Heaven and Earth and under Buddha’s infinite grace you still can’t do well, how could there be another chance? Cultivation and Fa-rectification are serious. Whether you are able to treasure this period of time is, in fact, a matter of whether you can be responsible to yourselves.” ("Fa-Rectification Period Dafa Disciples" Essentials for Further Advancement II )
“Dafa disciples are Gods who have descended to the human world with the responsibility to assist Master in saving sentient beings, shouldering the responsibility of saving sentient beings in the lower realms. You may think it does not matter if you personally do not cultivate well, as if it were like the forms of cultivation in the past. So some people are not too diligent, cultivating but not really cultivating. But have you thought about it? You once signed a contract with me when you came to this world, vowing to save those sentient beings. You could then become a Dafa disciple, and you could then do this thing. But you did not fulfill it. You did not completely fulfill your vow, and you cannot even save those beings allotted to you, those you undertook to save, behind whom are countless sentient beings and gigantic groups of beings. What is that?! Is that simply just a matter of not cultivating diligently? That is an extremely serious crime! An unparalleled crime! You say that you will just call out to Master when the time comes and say, “Master, I did not cultivate well.” Is that the end of this? Who can let you pass? Will those old forces let you pass? How serious a matter is this?!” ("Fa Teaching at the 2016 New York Fa Conference")