Breeding Demons In One's Own Mind
(Minghui.org) After having practiced for some time, in August 1999 I noticed that my mind had became clearer and that I rarely experienced the attachment of fear in my cultivation practice. In addition, my heart was unmoved when others criticized or insulted me, and I no longer experienced any pain during the sitting meditation.
Thus, I began to feel that my understanding of the Fa was becoming increasingly profound. I felt that I was improving very quickly. As a result, I began to develop the attachment of complacency.
My daughter began practicing Falun Gong when she was very young. Her celestial eye was open and she often told me about the many marvelous scenes that she had seen in other dimensions.
One day, she told me how mighty and god-like I appeared in other dimensions, and how well I had cultivated compared to others. I began to feel very pleased with myself, which soon caused me alarm.
However, the more I listened to her, the better I felt. I failed to realize that my attachment to complacency had created a loophole for the old forces to take advantage of.
Then, I noticed that seemingly very high-level principles were being shown to me, one after another. I began to feel that other practitioners in my area had lagged far behind me in cultivation.
I became aloof and indifferent towards my fellow practitioners' ideas and suggestions, thinking that whatever they said reflected their human attachments. I thought that only my ideas and insights were based on the Fa.
One day, my daughter told me that I had reached such a high realm in my cultivation practice that I no longer needed to do the Falun Gong exercises. So, from that day forward, I stopped doing them.
Later she told me, “Letting go of human life is not the same as letting go of life and death. Not fearing the complete destruction of one's human form and spirit, is truly letting go of life and death.”
She added, “You have the Fa deeply planted in your heart, thus, you no longer need to study the Fa; you only need to cultivate your mind. Isn't abandoning the Fa, the same as not fearing the complete destruction of the human form and spirit? You have reached an extremely high level. No practitioner around you has cultivated as well as you have!”
Since I was unable to tell that both my daughter and I were breeding demons in our own minds, I stopped studying the Fa. Shortly after, I began to feel unwell, and could not pass even the smallest of character tests.
When I began to question my cultivation status, my daughter told me, “You feel like you do because you are taking on a lot of karma that other practitioners are unable to bear. You are improving fast!”
Several practitioners in my area came to talk to me, having sensed my worsening predicament. However, I refused to listen to them and thought that what they said were just human understandings.
Master Li also tried to give me some hints during this tumultuous time in my life, but I allowed the old forces to deceive me again and again. Over time, no one came to talk to me nor did anyone share Master's new teachings with me.
One snowy day, an elderly practitioner came to my home and brought me Master's new teaching, “Towards Consummation.” After reading it, I immediately realized that my cultivation status was a mess.
I began to read Zhuan Falun again. However, no matter how hard I tried, I could not read a complete sentence. I thought, “A few months ago, I could read Dafa books, even while others were watching TV in the same room. I could concentrate very easily. Now, I cannot.” I really began to feel the gravity of my situation.
While forcing myself to read the Fa, many unrighteous thoughts surfaced, trying to persuade me to stop reading. I kept reminding myself to stop being attached to so-called high-level understandings.
In this way, I strengthened my main consciousness, which made it easier to repel these wrong thoughts. I noticed that the interference, which was caused by my own loopholes, became less and less.
My reading speed picked up to the point that I could read four lectures in the morning and another four in the afternoon. I also practiced the exercises between my reading times. All of this took place during my summer break, when my work unit was on leave.
A few weeks later, after reading, “Breeding Demons In Your Own Mind,” in Zhuan Falun, I realized that Master was exactly described my former cultivation state. Although I was happy that Master had helped me overcome this formidable tribulation, I also felt deep regret for having repeatedly failed the test.
One day, after reading the Fa, I started doing the sitting meditation. I suddenly felt an extremely uneasy feeling in my body. I stopped, laid down on the bed, and felt as if there was a powerful wheel rotating in my lower abdomen.
Then, I felt like there were ropes throughout my body which were directly connected to the spinning wheel. The ropes started getting entangled in the wheel and became tighter and tighter.
I began to sweat profusely as my body curled into a ball from the excruciating pain. I knew Master was adjusting my deformed Falun and energy mechanisms, after seeing that I had realized my mistake. I thanked Master again and again in my heart.
When I could no longer endure the pain, I said to Master in my mind, “I cannot endure any more pain. Can you please finish adjusting my body tomorrow?” A few seconds later, all of my symptoms had disappeared. I stood up, went to bathroom, and discharged lots of dark blood clots. Afterwards, I felt refreshed.
I went back into my room to continue the sitting meditation. I immediately noticed that there was a strong energy field around my body and I felt light like a feather. It was a wonderful feeling!
I also realized that I was going through almost the same xinxing tests that I had gone through when I first took up the practice. I then understood that I was starting my cultivation from scratch. I began to realize how far I had veered off course!
However, in time, I managed to catch up with the other practitioners under Master's guidance. I then went to Beijing to appeal for the right of practitioners to openly practice Falun Gong in China.
This incident has made me keenly aware of the seriousness of cultivation and Master's great compassion.
The reason that I did not completely give up practicing was because I had always held the thought: “As a practitioner, everything that I have has been given to me by Master. Thus, I will respect Master forever.” I also believe this was the reason why the old forces did not completely ruin me.
I have been steadily whittling away my attachment to complacency. I now realize that I did not have a clear understanding of my relationship with Dafa, nor with my fellow practitioners.
I had always thought that I had a stronger predestined relationship with Master and was intrinsically different from others around me. I did not realize that every practitioner is also a particle in the Fa.
Although each practitioner comes from a different realm, this does not necessarily indicate a person's cultivation state, or their current level.
Only by having a correct understanding of my relationship with Dafa and my fellow practitioners, can I truly cultivate myself, fulfill my historic vows, and fully assist Master during Fa-rectification!