Letting Go of Resentment
(Minghui.org) I grew up in Inner Mongolia. When I was 16 years old, I moved away to take a job and started to practice Falun Dafa. I then had to confront my deep-seated resentment.
Filled with Resentment
My father passed away when I was 16, and my mother married a disabled man who was seven years her junior. Mother's family and relatives were against the marriage. Given my father's condition, she was for years the sole breadwinner and had a hard life.
My stepfather was a teacher at our local school, and his monthly salary was only several dozen yuan. Because he was lazy and extremely selfish, our financial situation never improved.
When my half-brother was born, my stepfather was on his winter vacation, but he did not prepare a single meal for my mother and just waited for us to serve him.
I had several large boils on my arm, which hurt a lot. I still had to feed the pigs, chop the firewood, and cook meals. I began to resent my stepfather and thought he was very cruel. I often cried at night.
Then I moved to another city to work and got married. I invited my mother, stepfather, and half-brother to live nearby.
In China today, morality is at an all-time low. My stepfather was influenced by this trend and became a womanizer. Eventually he moved out and was living with another woman. This was very hard on my mother, so she cried a lot. This fueled my hatred for him even further.
My sisters were very angry. My mother was ready to collapse and called me countless times a day. As her daughter, I could not ignore that. We had to solve the problem somehow.
Compassion Eliminates Resentment
I am a Dafa disciple and should listen to what Master said:
“In human society nowadays there are a lot of bad phenomena, bad people, and bad behavior, which completely depart from what is human, even to the point that some people not only have warped mentalities, but also enormous demon nature. So what should we do about this situation? I'll tell you: nothing. Why? Dafa disciples' magnificence is connected to the Fa-rectification of the cosmos, and your greatest mission is to safeguard the Fa. Let those that don't damage Dafa just be. If someone damages Dafa, you should clarify the truth to him, restrain the evil, eliminate the evil, and save people.” (“Fa-Lecture at the Conference in Florida, U.S.A.” from Teaching the Fa at the Conference II)
It was true that my stepfather's behavior was truly reprehensible. But if I treated him like my sisters did, I would not be a true Dafa practitioner.
Why did my stepfather behave like that? It was because he deviated from the Fa principles. I had obtained the Fa and I should help him understand the difference between good and evil, right and wrong.
When he visited us with his mistress from Inner Mongolia, he stayed with my half-brother. I was respectful. I brought him some clothes because he had come in winter clothes, although it was hot. He was shocked and did not know what to say.
I asked Master for strength and told myself to be compassionate, to let go of my resentment and personal grudges. I was trying to inspire his kindness. I felt pity for him, was compassionate, and held no hatred.
To make him understand how we felt, I pointed out his mistakes and said that a human being should not hurt those who love him. His colleagues and neighbors spurned him because of his bad behavior. I told him, “What goes around comes around” and that his bad behavior would result in future problems.
“I have talked with you about what shan is. Some will say that shan is when you smile at someone and come across as kind and genial. Yet that only amounts to a human being displaying friendliness. True shan is what a cultivator attains in the process of cultivation and cultivating goodness, and this is a genuine shan that is achieved by cultivation. When you interact with sentient beings, it's not possible for you to display your successfully-cultivated divine side in full, since you still have a human side that has yet to complete cultivation. When required, you must be rational and clearheaded like a cultivator, allowing your responsibilities and righteous thoughts to direct you, and only then will your true shan be displayed. That is what's different about a cultivator and a divine being.” (“Fa Teaching at the 2009 Washington DC International Fa Conference” from Teaching the Fa at the Conference IX)
Compassion Resolves Unpleasantness
In my mind, I said “Master, I know what I should do.” I invited my stepfather and his mistress to a restaurant and promised to be kind and compassionate when he told me that the woman was worried about meeting me.
“Dad,” I said, “I promise I will not do anything to harm her. I am a Dafa practitioner, and cultivators believe in predestined relationships. If we have a good predestined relationship, we will nurture our connection and fulfill our promises. If we have a bad predestined relationship, then we should resolve that in Dafa. I genuinely hope you and she will have a better future.”
We met at a restaurant. I realized that, if I were not a practitioner, I would have attacked her. I told myself that practitioners do not have any enemies, that we need to save sentient beings, not destroy them.
When the woman came in, tears began to fill my eyes. I thought, “Our great master and great Dafa are instrumental in helping practitioners let go of fame and personal gain so that they can be truly compassionate.” I greeted her politely and gave her suggestions on where she could shop in the area.
She was touched, and her eyes were filled with tears twice. After the meal, I talked to her alone for about 40 minutes about Falun Dafa. She understood what I told her and did not appear to be too suspicious. When we talked about her relationship with my stepfather, I could feel pain in my heart. When that happened, I recalled what Master said,
“What is a human? Full is he of emotion and desire.What is a God? Human thoughts are nowhere found.What is a Buddha? Benevolent virtue is amply endowed.What is a Dao? A realized being, serene and clear.”(“The Difference Between Mortal and Divine” from Hong Yin)
I did not hold any resentment for her and told her how sad my mother was and how many times she cried. Then I explained how I cultivated based on the Dafa standards. She was touched by my kindness. She withdrew from the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) and its affiliated organizations. She also accepted the truth-clarification materials I gave her.
Letting Go of Attachments Makes Me Feel Happy and Relaxed
Later, she and my stepfather watched Master's video lectures. When I heard that she was returning home, I bought some specialty items for her. She was very moved and asked me to visit her in the future.
The night before her trip home, my stepfather asked me to bring her a copy of Zhuan Falun, the main book of Falun Dafa. I took them to the train station. While driving them, I did not hold any grudges or hatred. I had a beautiful and peaceful feeling that I had never experienced before. I felt comfortable and pleasant. I truly experienced how relaxed and happy it made me when I let go of fame, personal gain, and human emotions.
She called me on her return home and said that she had leg cramps on the train. She immediately thought of Zhuan Falun. Even before she took out the book, the cramps stopped. She said that Dafa was extraordinary and that she would break up with my stepfather.
Remembering the Little Things
When I moved, my half-brother's friends helped me, so we invited them for a meal. I wanted to talk to them about Dafa. The opportunity came when they asked that I sing a song. I was going to sing a Dafa melody, to which my half-brother agreed.
In the end, they agreed to withdraw from the Party.
“Biao often talks about you,” said one of the young men, “and said that you are a very good person.” I realized that my brother remembered all those little things I did for him.
After Master's new article “On Dafa,” the introduction to Zhuan Falun, was published, I wanted my stepfather to read it. He had started to smoke and drink again, and I thought I should not let him worry me anymore. That night I dreamed that my stepfather asked me why I did not give him “On Dafa,” especially since he had come to my place to practice Dafa.
I told him my dream and then gave him a copy of “On Dafa.” He read it three times. A few days later, he called me and said he had started to read the Dafa books and was also doing the exercises. He said that he would quit smoking and drinking completely.
It made me think of Master's words: “Compassion can harmonize Heaven and Earth, ushering in spring / Righteous thoughts can save the people in this world” (“The Fa Rectifies the Cosmos” from Hong Yin Vol. II)