(Minghui.org) I have recently read about some practitioners being persecuted severely and could not help but have a heavy heart. At the same time, my long existing attachment to fear resurfaced.

Due to fear, I have always longed for a quick end to the Chinese Communist Party (CCP)'s rule. On the other hand, I asked myself, “What about the countless lives that have not been saved and the tremendous sacrifice Master has made to gain more time for them?”

On a rational level, I am aware what an early termination of Fa-rectification means for those unsaved lives and for practitioners who have not yet fulfilled their mission.

Analyze the Fear

My fear has two sides. One is the fear to be persecuted. The other is the fear that I will lose my opportunity as a Dafa disciple, which I have waited for millions of years.

Master has told us,

“Dafa disciples have a duty and must, no matter what, fulfill the vows that brought them to this world. For it was on that account that you once pledged your life as a god and were thus allowed to become today the most magnificent kind of being in the cosmos—a disciple of Dafa.” ("To the European Fa Conference" from The Essentials of Diligent Progress Vol. III)

Master said,

“If you don’t fulfill the vows that you made to gods, the consequences will be what is set forth in your own vows.” ("Fa Teaching at the 2013 Western U.S. Fa Conference")

Master also warned us:

“With human beings... when a being can obtain the Fa today in history, it's no ordinary thing--he's so fortunate! But as soon as he loses the Fa, do you know what he faces? It's really horrific, because when he fails to fulfill the major responsibilities and the huge missions that were bestowed upon him, then, accordingly, that's like the inverse of a being's Consummation, and he will truly have to enter the gate of no-life.” ("Teaching the Fa at the 2004 Chicago Conference")

These words were a wake-up call for me. The two conflicting sides of my fear have bothered me for a long time. What on earth made me so afraid? I knew I had to dig deeper for an answer.

I realized that my painful memories of the CCP's rule of terror in the past had a huge impact on me. From another perspective, fear is a manifestation of the fundamental attachment to myself, as I am unwilling to endure potential persecution and make sacrifices for the sake of saving others.

The old cosmos was built on the notion of self. In order to get rid of it, I must assimilate to and cultivate with the guidance of Dafa, which created the new cosmos.

Conquering the Fear

When fear emerged, I tried to tell myself, “I represent the numerous lives in my world that have been counting on me for their salvation. Their life and death in the future rest on my shoulder.

How can I give in to fear? Rather than fear, I should feel the giant body of a divine being. I should be able to summon immeasurable power and wisdom.

Sometimes as I stand under the starry night sky and look up, I cannot help but feel alone but, throughout the dark sky, aren't there billions and billions of eyes watching me and this human world? Should I still feel alone? I must let go of self and fear for them, the countless beings I am responsible for. As my righteous thoughts arise, the fear subsides and retreats.

I have also come to realize that the old forces had embedded some bad substances or factors in my being since the ancient times. These factors manifest themselves in my present life as fear and, possibly, karma.

Since childhood, fear has played a central, dominant role in my life. I must negate any arrangements by the old forces with strong righteous thoughts. There is no shortcut other than studying the Fa well and seizing the time that remains to cultivate myself and save more people.

This is my limited understanding. Fellow practitioners please point out things that are improper.