(Minghui.org) One day when I took a taxi for a business outing, I talked to the driver about the persecution of Falun Gong, which I often did when I encountered other people in my life.
He interrupted me suddenly, and asked if I was married. Upon learning I was divorced, he said something that alarmed me: “Whoever gets to marry you will be a lucky fellow.” He even wanted my phone number.
I was not looking for a relationship at the time, but similar things happened other times when I talked with taxi drivers.
Then one day, Jay, my supervisor at work, was talking to me in an unusually gentle manner, and seemed to be looking at me differently than before. But I suddenly realized that my sentimentality towards Jay had mushroomed into a dangerous situation.
For two weeks before the first taxi ride mentioned above, I had been consumed by the demon of lust. My mind went wild with inappropriate thoughts about dating Jay, a married man originally from India.
I shared my struggle with some fellow practitioners, and they reminded me to keep sending forth righteous thoughts to eliminate my sentimentality and lust.
As I am writing this, I no longer have the imaginary scenes in my mind. But I know that I am far from completely eliminating my affection for Jay. I would like to share what happened between me and Jay as a way to expose my lust and sentimentality. I hope that doing so will help me completely remove my attachments.
Jay Explodes on Second Day of My Job
I landed my new job in Beijing in early January this year. Jay interviewed me first before recommending me to his boss, Ty.
Ty liked me a lot and hired me on the spot. He also requested, in front of Jay, that I send him daily work reports, even though Jay was supposed to be my direct manager.
Jay gave me a hard time on my second day on the job. I was busy working on something, and he came over and gave me a number of things to do.
I did not turn my head and just replied, “Wait a moment.”
He immediately became upset. “You have an attitude problem! How can we work together if you talk like that?”
“Really? Attitude? I'm sorry that I talk fast, but I am always this way even with my clients. Maybe I sound impatient to you?”
“No, it's your tone of voice! I don't like that!”
From that point on, he nitpicked everything I did. My assertiveness and confidence were misinterpreted as aggressiveness and impatience. Whenever he gave me a hard time, other Chinese employees would console me.
They told me that Jay was notorious for nitpicking people. I did not take much of his behavior to heart, and just carried on with my job.
Caught in Crossfire
Jay didn’t object when Ty asked me to send him daily reports, and I thought that everything would be fine as long as I always copied Jay.
Just a few days into my job routine, Jay complained that it was inappropriate for me to bypass him by reporting to Ty.
I stopped directly reporting to Ty, but Ty caught me two weeks later, and again requested the direct reports. I inquired if I should continue to copy Jay, but Ty didn’t answer.
To make things less complicated, I sent the reports only to Ty.
Two weeks later, Jay discovered what I was doing and flew into a rage. I told him that I was just following orders, but he wouldn’t listen.
He reproached me all of the next morning. I couldn’t handle it any longer and burst into tears.
He stormed out.
A Turn of Events
To my surprise, Jay called me to apologize the next day. He said, “I don't want you to be upset anymore, and you can do whatever you like. It's not my problem to correct your nature and behavior.”
I was shocked by his words and asked, “Something is wrong with my nature and behavior?”
“Yes, you think you know everything with ten years of working experience. You don’t listen. You think you're always right, and you like to go above ranks....”
I suddenly saw my problems. I was too self-centered, which I had considered healthy assertiveness. I didn’t care enough about other people, which I felt was healthy confidence.
I uttered to Jay, “Thank you!”
He was taken aback, “Why thank me?”
“Thank you for pointing out my problems in such a direct way. No one else ever did that in the past. Now I see why I have a hard time getting along with others at work and at home. Maybe that was also the reason that my marriage fell apart years ago.”
Jay then became much softer. He explained that he was mad at me because Ty scolded him earlier for trying to stop me from sending reports to Ty.
Sentimentality Creeps In
I began feeling differently about Jay. I found myself drawn to him as a direct and frank boss, and as a loving husband.
His wife was living in India while he worked in Beijing during the past few years. I once saw him video-chat with his wife, and was fond of the way that he talked to her. Before I knew it, I was already dreaming about him and me staying together.
Then the taxi incident happened, followed by Jay’s unusual treatment of me.
Attachments Yet to be Removed
In retrospect, I saw many of my attachments manifest during these few months in my new job.
Regarding whatever problems Ty and Jay had between them, I should have asked directly about the designated job reporting relationship. Instead, I was using human cunning to try to game the situation.
Even more importantly, there must have been something that I didn’t do well as a practitioner that got Ty to want my work reports in the first place. I failed to recognize that normal corporate culture doesn’t require employees to bypass their direct supervisors.
Even though Jay pointed out my cultivation problems, I fell victim to my own desire for lust and sentimentality. I shouldn’t have watched him video-chat with his wife. For one thing, he shouldn’t have done this while at work. And for another thing, I shouldn’t have invaded his privacy.
In a nutshell, the happenings during these past few months were wake-up calls for me. Instead of exerting positive influences as a practitioner, I was mired in my own attachments.
I am still working on relinquishing my attachments. I am sharing these experiences with my fellow practitioners as a reminder to myself not to be ruined by my own impure thoughts.
Category: Improving Oneself
