(Minghui.org) It has been four years since I was persecuted by the Chinese communist regime for practicing Falun Dafa (also known as Falun Gong). For some time I felt that there was a bad substance in another dimension that prevented me from cultivating diligently. I was fatigued and could not think clearly.
When I was persecuted, I used to return to a good cultivation state quickly. I asked myself what was now affecting me so negatively.
I was studying the Fa regularly, but I could not read it attentively. I was afraid to participate in Dafa projects. However, I did use paper currency with Falun Dafa content printed on it, and I distributed informational materials.
Saturated with Hatred
When I searched my mind, I found a long list of complaints about my fellow practitioners.
I hated those who had often asked for my opinion, even on trivial issues. They casually used their cell phones to communicate with me, and as a result the police were monitoring me. I reminded them many times to be careful, but they just ignored my warnings.
Also on my list were practitioners who repeatedly asked me to print materials, even after they had learned how. Then there were those that kept asking me to fix their computers and other equipment, instead of trying to fix those things themselves.
Master had hinted in my dreams many times about my hatred. My cell phone turned itself off, and I often felt pressure on my chest and could not lay on my back.
Finally, I told my fellow practitioners that I needed some space and a rest, but they claimed that there was no one else who could do all the things I was involved in.
What was most revealing was that one of the people involved in persecuting me said, “There are so many Falun Gong practitioners, and yet we only arrested you. You should think about that.”
It was not just practitioners. I also hated the people that monitored me. I used to hate them so much that I cursed them in my mind. I wished that they would have a car accident or that they would break their legs. Those thoughts were against the core principles of Falun Dafa: Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance.
Starting Afresh on My Cultivation Path
Once I truly recognized that my mind was filled with hatred, I tried to eliminate it. But I was unsuccessful. As a last resort, I decided to start cultivation from scratch.
While doing household chores, I listened to cultivation stories on the Minghui Radio Podcast. I listened to extraordinary accounts of those who practice Dafa, and I was often amazed to the core. I kept thinking how Master is absolutely great.
Even after listening to over 200 articles, I still found them interesting, so I continued to listen to more stories. My entire body became energized, and I wanted to be involved in saving people. Gradually, my hatred subsided, and then it was gone. Even those ordinary people that monitored me no longer showed up. I could return to true cultivation.
It Is Really My Problem
Each week after we finished Fa study, I shared with fellow practitioners what I learned from studying the Falun Dafa lectures and talking to people about Falun Dafa and the Chinese Communist Party’s (CCP) persecution of the practice. It appeared as if I was sharing my experiences and trying to help practitioners improve. In reality, I had attachments of showing off and zealotry.
A local practitioner died. She used to ask me to help her look within to find out what human notion was causing her sickness karma. I could not help her. Her younger sister told me that she had complained about me. I realized that I was the problem. I had a habit of showing off and did not cultivate my speech.
When I contemplated my hatred, I realized that cultivation is my own personal affair, and I should not be affected by any outside phenomena.
That was not the end of it. I disliked wealthy people who were powerful and drove fancy cars. I felt uncomfortable whenever I came into contact with them. Now I realized why I had been persecuted so many times. It was caused by my own strong jealousy.
Be Guided by the Fa
Whenever I found an attachment and was able to eliminate it, the bad substances that were in my mind and the environment around me were eliminated.
Now I no longer hesitate to talk face to face to people about Falun Gong, which was a problem I had dealt with for several years.
One of my relatives needed surgery, which would cost thousands of yuan. He asked my family to visit him. I overcame my fear and helped several of his family members quit the CCP. They all gave their support to Dafa, and it was decided that our relative did not need the surgery.
My elderly parents had maligned Dafa because I had been persecuted several times, so I had my father listen to cultivation stories on the Minghui Radio Podcast. He listened and then loudly said, “Falun Dafa is good; Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance is good.” We thought that he was at the end of his life, but now he is healthy.
My mother used to visit corrupt temples and was possessed by evil entities that always interfered with me. I let her listen to the cultivation stories on the Minghui Radio Podcast. The possession is now gone, and she enjoys listening to experience sharing articles.
As a cultivator, I have to look within and be guided by the Fa, let go of all attachments, and continue to find any attachment that I have not fully eliminated.
Category: Improving Oneself
