(Minghui.org) Having cultivated for 23 years, I am considered a veteran practitioner but I had not been doing well in genuine cultivation and looking inside for many years. I often used the excuse of being busy with work and put off studying the Fa, practicing the exercises and sending forth righteous thoughts. As a result, I encountered a lot of interference which led to my unemployment in 2013.
It took me nearly two years to find another job. In these two years, I was struggling in the midst of disappointment. At the same time, I gradually learned how to look within. Finally, under Master's arrangement, I found a suitable job.
Below is my cultivation experience in the past two years.
A Sense of Loss
I lost my job in the summer of 2013 after I found out that my supervisor had been taking the company's money. She was afraid that I would expose her one day and used her influence to abolish my role in the company.
I left the company with resentment. I wanted to find a better company with a high salary but the company that I found was not good enough and I resigned in less than five months.
As a unmarried woman in her forties, I faced many challenges while job hunting as the China economy was slowing down in 2014 and companies became pickier when hiring.
In that one year, I went to many interviews and encountered various kinds of people who questioned, berated, and sometimes even sexually harassed me.
As I was studying the Fa more, I could control myself from being moved by them. However, I could not help but look at Master's photo each time before I studied the Fa and say, “Master, which area am I still lagging behind?”
In a few interviews, I fell short at the final stage and was given various reasons. Sometimes, the companies could not even provide me with any reasons for their rejecting me. This happened a few times.
One day, I felt that I was about to fall apart (mentally) and drove to a less-crowded area and cried my heart out.
Looking Within
Last winter, an ex-colleague invited me for a meal. I told him the reason for leaving the company and asked him, “Do you think that I've done wrong?”
“Yes, you are at wrong!” This was unexpected as I thought he would support me.
He continued, “I could feel your grievance towards your supervisor. Although you mentioned that you forgave her, you have yet to let it go in your heart. You still think that she caused your current situation. If you could one day respond “Who is she?” with the tone as though remarking on a passerby when someone brought up her name, then you have truly let it go.”
I stared at him and knew that Master was using my ex-colleague's mouth to enlighten me. Before I met up with my ex-colleague, I had studied Master's recent lecture in “Fa Teaching Given at the 2014 San Francisco Fa Conference”:
“...only when you have an attachment will you be affected inside; if you don’t have an attachment, it will be like a breeze passing over you—you won’t feel a thing. If you hear someone say that you want to commit some horrible crime, you’ll just find it amusing. (Master laughs) You will think, “How could that be possible?” and will laugh it off. You won’t take it seriously at all. Since you don’t even have that thought, those words can’t touch you. If you don’t have that kind of thought, they can’t touch you. When you are affected inside, that means you do have [an attachment]! And if you really feel strongly that you have been treated unjustly, then [your attachment] is rather large. (Applause) So shouldn’t you cultivate yourself?”
A thought crossed my mind, “Is there an attachment that I have to eliminate which caused so many twists and turns in my job search? What have I yet to let go? If not, why could I not laugh it off?”
Master was using my ex-colleague's mouth to give me a hint: it was actually my attitude that caused me to repeatedly fail the interviews.
In this one year, I was sticking to a human perspective to assess right and wrong and thought that I was wronged for upholding justice. Actually, as cultivators, right and wrong in the human society is not important. It is on the issue of the letting go of the attachments that caused me to repeatedly fail this test. I was not happy to hear that my supervisor was promoted to an overseas office; my position was restored and a new person was hired; my relatives were gloating over my unemployment.
I was indignant and aggrieved that these “bad people” are enjoying life while I am unemployed and running around looking for a job. “Why have they not met with karmic retribution?” This thought often came into my mind.
I looked within and found that these thoughts were caused by my attachment to fame and reputation, competitive mentality and vanity – looking for companies that are in the top 500 worldwide; desire to find a better paying job and company; wanting to avoid meeting ex-colleagues. Moreover, I had strong attachment to jealousy – I was “in pain” when I saw someone that I looked down on get the job that I wanted.
I thought I had always been following Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance in these 20 over years. Yet, when I encountered tribulations, I performed no better than an ordinary person. I was maintaining my image and did not let go of these attachments.
I told myself that I must let go of these attachments, but they surfaced uncontrollably. I tried to study the Fa, but could not. At this moment, a poem from “Discarding Attachments” in Hong Yin Volume II came into my head:
“What’s given up is not oneselfBut instead the folly of delusion”
I asked Master to help me in removing these attachments.
Everything Is Bestowed by Master
Master used various ways and methods to enlighten me each time I encountered tribulations. Since 2013, I saw many practitioners sharing on the Minghui website on their experiences in memorizing the Fa. I was moved and tried to memorize too, but could not. I was finally determined to memorize Zhuan Falun after seeing that even many elderly practitioners were successful at memorizing the book.
I started memorizing Zhuan Falun in the end of May 2014 and it took one year to finish as I encountered a lot of interference, such as sickness karma, during the process. When I was about to finish memorizing the book, I told my mother, “I can feel that I'll be getting a job soon.” Indeed, I started working one month later.
All aspects of my new job are ideal. Many of my friends who are headhunters felt that it was a miracle that I was able to find this job under the dire economic situation. All those companies that I previously thought were good are retrenching employees this year.
I know that my new job is arranged by Master.
In these 20 years of working, I switched jobs 4 to 5 times and changed my specialization 3 times. However, this did not affect my salary and I continued to earn higher pay as I switched to another company. I have always thought that it was because of my strong performance and past experiences that led me to a good job.
In fact, Master has mentioned previously in Zhuan Falun:
“From the perspective of a higher life, the development of human society progresses according to specific laws of development. Therefore, what one does in life is not arranged based on one’s abilities. Buddhism believes in the principle of karmic retribution. One’s life is arranged according to one’s karma. No matter how capable you are, if you do not have de, perhaps you will have nothing in this life. You think that another person is good at nothing, but he has a lot of de. He could become a high-ranking official or make a big fortune. An everyday person cannot see this point and always believes that he should do exactly what he is able to. Therefore, he competes and fights all his life with a badly wounded heart. He might feel very bitter and tired, always finding things unfair.”
Although I knew this passage of the Fa, I did not change my human notions for many years, including my jealousy and grievances towards my former supervisor. Actually, an ordinary person's life depends on karmic relationships. I was sticking to the human perspective and did not cultivate myself.
Looking at myself, isn't everything I have bestowed by Master? This includes my career skills. Recalling my many years of work experience, Master has arranged each step.
Yet, the processing of looking for a job was not smooth this time. I continue to memorize the Fa, look within and found many attachments. During this period, I enlightened that cultivation is serious and difficult.
On a side note, I would like to share another experience.
I once went to Tianjin for an interview. I had an unsettled feeling about that place after returning home and even had goosebumps. So I did not follow up on the interview. Many of my friends criticized me for missing a good opportunity. On August 12, 2015, a huge explosion occurred in Tianjin. I saw that the company that I had applied to was only a thousand meters away from the explosion and the company dormitory was very close to it too.
This awakened me once again. Master has arranged each and every step for me, yet I was so engrossed in human society.
I must believe in Master and the Fa and be diligent in genuine cultivation.
Category: Improving Oneself
