Former Little Disciple's Arduous Return to Dafa
(Minghui.org) I am now 24 years old, and had practiced Falun Dafa when I was little. However, I left Dafa and turned into a person who just enjoyed life in ordinary society. When I established my own business, I became a workaholic and developed several chronic diseases.
Remembering the Past
I started practicing Falun Dafa with my parents in 1998. Master teaches us to follow the principles of Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance and to be good people. Our family life was harmonious, and I was a good student who had witnessed the extraordinary power of Dafa.
My mother studied Dafa’s teachings, practiced the exercises with me, and we distributed Falun Dafa informational materials despite the onset of the persecution in 1999. She was arrested for distributing the materials when I was in third grade. While in a detention center, she went on a hunger strike for seven days.
When I visited her at the camp, she had been force-fed six times and had lost a lot of weight. She was still in the clothes she was wearing when she was arrested, looked very pale, and had unhealthy looking, yellowish skin.
Police officers extorted 10,000 yuan from my family and forced my father's company to provide the police department with a two million yuan loan. My father was then laid off at the age of 37. He gave up Dafa due to the pressure.
My father needed surgery in 2007 when I was in grade 11. He came through the surgery alright, but afterwards had seizures, convulsions, and lost consciousness. He lost his memory and behaved like a child. He cursed at others, beat people, threw things, and waved knives.
My mother was arrested again and held in a brainwashing center for over 40 days, where she was given poisonous drugs. After she was released, she became mentally disoriented.
I did not have one moment of peace, and I felt either panic, anger, fear, or hopelessness. Several times, I even wanted to commit suicide. I was in despair.
I rebelled during adolescence, and my character fundamentally changed. I had been considerate, helpful, and a model student. But I turned into a person with a demonic nature, who smoked and drank. Students and teachers were afraid of me.
I asked myself, “What is the use in being good?” My father was persecuted until he became mentally unstable, and the authorities monitored my mother around the clock back then.
Drifting Along with the Current with an Empty Heart
I never wanted to go home. I went from virtue to vice. I skipped classes, fought, listened to rock music, frequented a pub, and dyed my hair red sometimes, and other times yellow. I used heavy makeup, had a foul mouth, and hung around with gangs. This was my way of protecting myself.
Driven by my notions, I did a lot of bad things. I forgot all about Dafa. I thought my mom was foolish because she was always being bullied by others. Deep in my heart I really wanted to avenge my mother. Many people were afraid of me.
I failed my university entrance exams, but it did not faze me. I just moved to another city and got a job. Lured by material benefits, I resorted to any means for personal gain and profit. I exploited people and built my happiness on others’ misfortune. I was fully immersed into the Chinese Communist Party's (CCP) culture of fighting, and had modern, warped thoughts.
Although my appearance improved, and my business did rather well, I had become more self-centered, and a hypocrite. I could hide my true character rather well. People admired me and thought that I was capable and smart. I made good money and had good personal relationships with people.
I knew deep in my heart, however, that the personal relationships were really built upon personal interests. Though I made more money, I sacrificed more than others. To save face, I had to pretend and scheme. I was after material wealth at the expense of feeling good in my heart. I could not eat or sleep well for a long time. As a result, I developed all sorts of illnesses. Even in my dreams, I often saw ghosts and zombies surrounding me.
Almost all my earnings went to support my lavish lifestyle and expensive medical treatments. I also worried a lot about my family.
I realized how wonderful Falun Dafa was when I saw my mother again. She had taken good care of my father for over a dozen years. She worked hard, earned a good living, but used very little of the money for herself and my father. She used most of it to produce informational materials about Falun Dafa and Communist Party’s persecution of the practice. Despite all the hardships and pressure, she smiled, looked radiant, and was illness free. I knew this was because she practiced Falun Dafa.
Every Door Closed and Nowhere to Go
My mother asked me to visit them. My mother and her fellow practitioners looked happy and healthy. They did everything practitioners are asked to do without any complaint. Their kindness, compassion, consideration, self-discipline, and forbearance moved me greatly. They were selfless and not hypocritical. They were so different from the people I knew.
All of them showed their concern for my health. They asked me to do the exercises with my mother, but at first I was in denial.
My mother played the Dafa music Pudu and Jishi for me all night, which helped me sleep. I then read Zhuan Falun with practitioners all day long.
“Therefore, he competes and fights all his life with a badly-wounded heart. He might feel very bitter and tired, always finding things unfair. Being unable to eat or sleep well, he feels sad and disappointed. When he gets older, he will end up in poor health and all kinds of illnesses will surface.” (Zhuan Falun)
“Some people even envy this person! I am telling you not to envy him. You do not know what a tiring life he leads: He cannot eat or sleep well; he fears losing self-interest even in dreams, and he will go all out for personal gain. Wouldn’t you say that he leads a tiring life, as his entire life is dedicated to that?” (Zhuan Falun)
After I read Master's quotes, I evaluated myself: I was not old, yet I was in poor health. What would I be like in my old age?
Although I studied the Fa, I still got angry and lost my temper. I still took medication and had injections and acupuncture, but nothing worked.
My mother asked me to practice the exercises. I said that I was not able to keep it up, so I did not do the exercises. In my dream that night, I saw many doors, but all of them closed on me, and I had nowhere to go.
Master Called Me Back
One day I had a dream. I was being chased by evil people. I shouted “Falun Dafa is good!” The evil people froze. I then shouted “The Fa rectifies the Cosmos. Eliminate!” The evil people turned into black ashes. The street became wider and wider, with buildings on both sides. The buildings on one side of the street had the phrases “Falun Dafa is good. Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance is good” written on them. The buildings on the other side had the phrases “The Fa rectifies the Cosmos. The evil is completely eliminated.” Then, the words turned golden. It looked spectacular!
With tears covering my face, I told my mother that Master had not given up on me and was still looking after me!
“Master, I was wrong,” I said. “Dafa is at my side, but I did not treasure it. I made mistake after mistake. Thank you, Master, for giving me hints in my dream. Thank you, Master, for waking me up and calling me back. I deeply regret what I have done all these wasted years. I am determined to cultivate again.”
Everything Is a Good Thing
I read Zhuan Falun again, then went to sleep. When I woke up, my mother was reading “Teaching the Fa in Beijing at the Zhuan Falun Publication Ceremony.”
“Some of you have not attended the class yet, and I can have you experience the feeling of the Falun turning. Let’s all stick out one hand and lay the hand flat. Don’t use force with your hand, but keep your palm as straight as possible. Good, I will now send out a Falun to each of you, and have it turn in the palm of your hand so that you can tell for yourself. Is it turning?” (“Teaching the Fa in Beijing at the Zhuan Falun Publication Ceremony,” from Zhuan Falun Fajie The Law of Zhuan Falun Explained)
I held out my hand and felt a Falun turning on my palm. I jumped up and said repeatedly, “Master planted a Falun for me.”
I then sat in the lotus position and read 50 pages in Zhuan Falun Fajie. A warm current enveloped me. My body was warm, and I gained strength.
I stopped all my medications and focused on studying the Fa and doing the exercises. On the first day my body was extremely itchy, and it was agonizing. It was so difficult that I almost gave up.
An elderly practitioner said that my physical reactions were good, because Master was taking care of me, and I only had borne a tiny bit of my karma, that I should consider the amount of karma I had accumulated lifetime after lifetime.
I changed day by day. On the third day, I could study the Fa and do the five exercises. My skin festered, and there was a lot of pus. My room smelled awful, but I knew that Master was cleansing my body.
When I studied Lecture Four in Zhuan Falun, I itched so much that I could not focus on studying the Fa. I sent forth righteous thoughts, but to no avail. I struggled for four hours.
I then asked Master for help. I told Master that I did not want to give up cultivation. Also, fellow practitioners encouraged me to let go of my human heart and reminded me that Master would take care of me. One practitioner recited “the Main Consciousness must be strong” with me to remove my thought karma.
My mother also said that, no matter how terrible I felt, I only had to bear a tiny bit of my karma and that Master had borne most of it for me. It was to test me, to see if I believed in Dafa completely. She said that no matter how hard it was, I must thank Master for his help.
I repeatedly recited Master's words.
“Going through hardship and suffering is an outstanding opportunity to remove karma, be cleansed of sin, purify the body, elevate your plane of thought, and rise in level—it’s an extraordinarily good thing. This is a correct and upright Fa-truth.” (“The Closer to the End, the More Diligent You Should Be,” The Essentials of Diligent Progress Vol III)
Serene and Compassionate Field
Master had borne so much for me, and what I suffered was nothing.
After studying the Fa for two more days, I saw the cause of my suffering. Hoards of little insects were attacking me in other dimensions. I realized that the evil was persecuting me as well. I sent forth righteous thoughts to dissolve them.
Master cleansed me. I recovered from the eczema I had suffered for 20 years, and within five days, new skin grew.
Then I started to itch again, and it worsened in the evening. I could only sleep one or two hours at a time. The pain did not let me study the Fa. It interfered with my main consciousness. The whole process was agonizing.
When I was near the end of my forbearance, I wanted to give up, but I knew that this thought was not mine, Master helped me remember his poem.
“Predestination is already established,Fa is being cultivated,Read the book more,Consummation is near.”(“Settle the Heart” from Hong Yin)
After I read Zhuan Falun I saw bad elements around me in other dimensions. I kept sending righteous thoughts to clear these elements that persecuted and interfered with me. I asked Master to strengthen me, and I reread any section I missed because I dozed off. I read the Fa and did the exercises when the interference was strong.
I had strong reactions in my body when I was doing the exercises. I itched, hurt, and trembled. I tried my best not to be distracted and to do the movements correctly. I knew Master was looking after me. Whenever I thought of Master, I felt a serene and compassionate field surrounding me, and I was no longer afraid, no matter how uncomfortable I felt.
I underwent a fundamental change after I resumed cultivation, and all my friends and relatives noticed. My face started to glow, and I stopped using cosmetics. I looked 10 years younger.
My grandparents allowed me to study the Fa in their house daily. They had opposed Dafa, but no longer do because they saw how I changed. They turn the television volume down when I study the Fa. My grandfather said that he likes to see me reading Zhuan Falun because I became good because of the book.
It has been two months since I returned to Dafa, and I have been reborn. I have recovered from all my illnesses, eat well, and sleep well. No words can express my feelings of gratitude for Dafa and Master.
Helping Young Disciples Return to Dafa
There are many disciples like me: they studied the Fa when they were little and experienced the extraordinary power of Dafa, but they left Dafa because of the persecution of their parents and got lost in ordinary society. We must help those disciples return to their cultivation paths. Master said that most young disciples came from high levels.
The old forces persecute young practitioners through computer games, music, and romantic sentimentality. The old forces want them to indulge in everyday life and drift away from the Fa more and more. They want to destroy the young disciples.
Young disciples want to return to their original homes and assimilate to the Fa. Practitioners, please help them resume cultivation.