Removing Fear, Returning to the Path of Cultivation
(Minghui.org) More than 30 practitioners were arrested in our small town in 2009, including myself. While I was held in the detention center, two practitioners were persecuted to death. That was a huge blow to me. I was later sentenced to prison and, over the course of a year, was brainwashed. Dafa was gradually erased from my mind, and I could not think of any passages from the Fa.
When I returned home in 2013, I experienced much interference internally and from my family. I could not study the Fa well. It felt as if something was covering my head, and I could not remember anything I read.
Fellow practitioners were all very concerned about me and took turns sharing their experiences and understandings with me. But I was afraid I would be arrested again, and I did not want to have any contact with them.
Evil thoughts that had been instilled in me during the brainwashing sessions often interfered with me, and I also appeared to be suffering the symptoms of uterine cancer. My family was afraid that I would die and forced me to go to the hospital for treatment. I returned home after nearly a year, confused and tormented.
Master Compassionately Saved My Family Members
My father died at the end of 2014. When he was seriously ill, he told my younger brother, "When I die, I'm going to take you with me." My brother and sister-in-law were very frightened and wept.
After my father died, my brother, sister, and I sat beside his coffin in our family home. We were chatting quietly late into the night, when my brother said to my sister, "I can't breathe." His eyes widened because he was short of breath. He fell backwards. The family went into a panic. We did not know what to do.
It was about 4 a.m., so it was too late to call a doctor. My mind went blank, and I shouted, "Master, please save my brother!" I shouted this twice, and my brother could breathe again.
Later when I was not there, he again couldn't breathe. My sister is also a practitioner, and she remembered how I had asked Master for help the first time. She called out for help from Master again, and my brother could breathe again.
The next day, my brother experienced great pain in his eyes and he started to shake. He became blind. Our local hospital could not help him because it was too serious, so he had to be transferred to a provincial hospital. He risked permanent blindness.
My older sister, who lives out of town, called me. She is also a practitioner. She said she had been crying on the sofa over the death of our father when a vision appeared in front of her. She saw Father, running with a skip in his step, happy, as if he was going to report something to a superior.
She heard him say, “I caused them great tribulations over the years, and I got back everything they owed me, except for this person [referring to my younger brother]. I could not bring him with me because they are all practitioners, and they are all protected." Apparently, we had incurred karmic debts with our father during previous lives.
My sister felt enlightened by this and stopped crying. She asked me, "Why would Father take someone to the afterlife with him?" I told her that our brother had had trouble breathing twice the day before, but Master had saved him. Now he was in danger of becoming permanently blind and was in the provincial hospital.
My sister said, "You take care of Father's funeral, I will send righteous thoughts." She sent forth righteous thoughts for one day and night, until Father’s funeral was over, my brother had recovered, and we all returned home safely.
Another danger occurred during this time. My husband, who does not practice, was driving his car and stopped by the side of the road. He put his hand on the door handle and was about to get out of the car, when out of nowhere another car appeared and hit his car. He was flung from the driver's seat to the passenger seat.
When he calmed down, he climbed out of the car to check the damage. He was in a cold sweat and shaking. The car door was mangled. If the incident had occurred 10 seconds later, his life would have ended. It was our compassionate Master who saved his life.
I burst into tears when he told me what had happened. I was brainwashed under the pressure of the persecution, yet Master still had not given up on me and even protected my family members. I could never fully describe Master’s great compassion.
I said to Master in my heart that, no matter what happens, I must follow Him and cultivate to the end.
Standing Up Again
I began to study the Fa. It was very hard at first. I experienced sleep interference that made me struggle to absorb the Fa, so I walked around and read the Fa aloud.
I also could not focus while sending forth righteous thoughts. When I closed my eyes, I felt like my main consciousness was not present. So I kept my eyes open, walked around, and focused my attention. I recited the verses for sending forth righteous thoughts to eliminate all evil beings and factors that interfered with my Fa study and sending forth righteous thoughts. After a month, the interference gradually weakened.
A practitioner who had helped me obtain the Fa came to visit one day. I shared with her what I had experienced over the years of persecution, including the two practitioners’ deaths, my confusion, and my great fear of being persecuted. She said, "I came to share on this subject with you. Have you discovered why you were persecuted for so many years?"
My mind went blank, and I could not think of anything. She then said that I was not persecuted for practicing Falun Dafa but because I still thought of myself as a human being and thought that the persecution was one human against another.
Master told us,
"What could human beings possibly do to gods? If there were no outside factors, would humans dare to do anything to gods?" ("In Fa-Rectification Your Thoughts Have to be Righteous, Not Human" from The Essentials of Diligent Progress, Vol. III)
She told me that Master is always right beside us. “Did you believe in Master and Dafa?” she asked me. “When the evil persecuted you, you did not deny it with Dafa. We study the Fa to guide our practice, and we should always cultivate based on the Fa, not like your state now. You have to study Fa more; you have too little Fa in your heart.”
Her words woke me up. I recalled all kinds of human notions I had harbored while I was persecuted, such as how I made excuses for myself, thinking that I had not done anything wrong and how the police did not have any evidence against me. The evil had seen my thoughts. I had not acted like a Dafa disciple then, because my thoughts were all about myself, so that had enabled the persecution. I suddenly realized that I had not really entered the gate of Dafa for so many years. I even thought that I had cultivated myself very well because I did a lot of Dafa work.
While listening to her, I knew that the gap between our cultivation levels was huge. I said to myself, “Let go of yourself and put everything down, cultivate step by step just like a beginner, and do things according to Master's teachings.”
Since then, I have been studying the Fa and improving my xinxing. Master has hinted to me about different connotations of the Fa. Other practitioners and I often study the Fa together and share experiences. Master arranged this period of time for me to catch up. Our compassionate Master has given me back the Fa. My mind has become clear again.
Getting Rid of Fear and Disintegrating the Persecution
In the summer of 2014, an officer from the 610 Office came to my home and said I was going to be sent to a brainwashing center in a few days. I said, "I do not have time, I cannot go."
"You have to go, you have no choice," he said.
I was suddenly afraid, and did not dare clarify the truth to him. I knew that I had been persecuted because I lacked righteous thoughts at crucial moments. I knew that, going forward, I could not acknowledge the persecution at all. Master has the final say. I will only follow Master’s arrangements.
My family members were afraid and advised me to go into hiding for a while. I tried to reassure them that I would be fine. Despite what I said, negative thoughts kept appearing in my head, so I sent forth righteous thoughts often. One day I saw a false image that said that I would be arrested in the evening. I felt a bit shaky, so I stayed at my brother’s home overnight.
I continued to look inward and found that I had been fooled by the illusion and had acknowledged the evil. I returned home at dawn and burned incense for Master. I spoke to Master over and over again in my heart, and said that I was wrong, that fellow practitioners had been earnestly sharing with me, but that I could not even pass the smallest test. I felt ashamed to face Master. I knelt down in front of Master's picture and blamed myself.
I asked myself, “What are you afraid of in the end? Even if you died, would it matter? When you are afraid, aren’t you thinking the evil is stronger than Master? That is disrespectful to Master and Dafa!” I felt deep regret. All of my fear then vanished. I regained righteous thoughts, and became determined to never let Master down again.
I later began to clarify the truth about Falun Dafa to customers in my store. Sometime later an agent from the local 610 Office in. I was not afraid. I told him how I had benefited physically and mentally from practicing Dafa and how my family and society benefited because my character had improved.
I told him to never to persecute Dafa practitioners because it was not good for him. I also said that I hoped he would not commit any crimes and to remember that “Falun Dafa is good, Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance is good.” I sobbed several times and could not continue. Every word was heartfelt and moved the officer. His knowing side felt my compassion. Before leaving, he grabbed my hand and repeatedly said, “You must live well, but do not tell just anyone [about Falun Dafa]. Take care.”
He had, in fact, come to take me to the brainwashing center. But the evil had disintegrated because I believed in Master and the Fa. I had put down my attachment to self and became completely considerate of others. When I aligned myself with the laws of the universe, our compassionate Master dissolved the persecution.