Resolving a Family Conflict with the “Forbearance of a Cultivator”
(Minghui.org) I’d like to share a story about a conflict that tempered my heart as a practitioner of Falun Dafa. It happened six years ago. I was able to resolve the conflict after I got serious about the fact that I needed to possess the forbearance of a cultivator at all times.
Both my husband and I were happy to see our son home on the mid-Autumn Festival in 2010. We hadn’t seen him for two years.
Before we got a chance to cook a family meal together, my husband went out to help a friend in need and I left a few hours later to see a fellow practitioner. She had called to say that an IT expert was visiting her. My computer had crashed a few weeks prior and I desperately needed help to reinstall the operating system.
I figured that I would be back home in time to make dinner, so I asked my son to get all the ingredients ready. I called him as I was approaching the fellow practitioner’s home. He told me Dad had just returned home and asked me to come back as soon as I finished my business. I said OK and then removed the battery from my phone before going inside the practitioner’s home.
The IT person, however, was busy with something else and had no time to help me. She asked me to follow her written instructions and do it myself.
I thought about calling my husband and telling him I might be home late, but I didn’t want to waste any time going outside and putting the battery back. So I spent the rest of the time focusing on the computer issue.
As soon as I powered on my phone on the way home, I saw numerous text messages from my husband, my son, and even my sister. I called my husband and heard his angry voice. He asked why I'd turned off my phone and kept him in the dark. My sister also fussed at me for making the entire family worry about me.
I realized that this was a test to temper my heart. I believed that I was doing the most righteous thing, but my family was upset for returning their phone calls late. My husband had always been very supportive of my practice of Falun Dafa. He never interfered with my efforts to clarify the truth. Why did he get so mad at me today?
I recalled what Master said in “What is a Dafa Disciple” in Teaching the Fa at the Conference XI:
"When you meet with a conflict, it doesn’t matter whether you are in the right. You should be asking yourself, “What on my part isn’t right in this situation? Might it really be that there is something wrong on my part?” You should all be thinking this way, with your first thought being to scrutinize yourself to try to find the problem. Whoever is not like this is not in fact a true cultivator of Dafa. It is a magical tool in our cultivation. This is a distinguishing feature of our Dafa disciples’ cultivation. Whatever it is that you encounter, the first thought should be to scrutinize yourself, and it’s called “looking within.”"
I knew that I must look within. I realized that I still harbored a heart of disliking criticism. When my husband criticized me, I always felt wronged and wanted to argue. Just days before, he said something not so nice about me. Even though I suppressed my urge to fight back, I was angry deep inside.
Master taught us in “What is Forbearance (Ren)?” in Essentials For Further Advancement:
"Forbearance is the key to improving one’s xinxing. To endure with anger, grievance, or tears is the forbearance of an everyday person who is attached to his concerns. To endure completely without anger or grievance is the forbearance of a cultivator."
I realized Master was giving me another chance to meet the standard of the forbearance. I decided to keep calm no matter what.
It was 9 p.m. by the time I arrived at home. I had to call my son to open the door for me, as my husband had locked it from the inside.
I immediately apologized to my husband, but he still flew into a rage, “I don’t want to hear you say sorry. I don’t know how we’re going to remain married. It’s not easy for our son to get home, but you went out on such an important day. I told you to always keep me posted on your whereabouts, but you turned off your cell phone!”
He got so mad that he threw a plate of food on the floor before storming out of the house.
I wasn’t moved and just cleaned up the mess. I again apologized to him when he returned half an hour later.
He was totally fine the next morning, as if nothing had happened. In a good mood, the three of us visited the grandparents.
A family conflict was thus resolved! I felt the power of Dafa. Had I used my need for security as an excuse to argue with my husband, he probably would have insisted on getting a divorce. I am grateful that Master instructed us to always keep the forbearance of a cultivator in mind.