(Minghui.org) When I first started practicing Falun Dafa, I didn’t know how to look within or improve my xinxing. I was arrested and tortured because I still harbored many attachments, and my home was ransacked several times. Due to the severe persecution instigated by Jiang Zemin, the former head of the Chinese Communist Party, I was without a job and often harassed by the police.
In order to obtain informational materials about Dafa so I could distribute them in my area, I had to go out to use a photocopier. I wanted my own computer and printer so that I could produce my own materials.
Awaking from a Fearful State
A practitioner later gave me a computer, and I bought a printer. The practitioners who helped me to buy and set up the machine were later arrested. I was very nervous and couldn't rest with the equipment in my house, so I put it in storage. I was ashamed of myself for allowing fear to control me.
Instead of making my own informational materials as I had intended, I went to another practitioner’s home to pick up materials that she produced. This arrangement went on for a few years.
Sometimes she was very busy and the materials were not ready when I arrived, so I helped her to make them. She was happy to teach me what to do. The work was completed, and I learnt a lot in the process.
On one occasion, two printers were running simultaneously. One was printing DVD covers whilst the other was printing labels. The DVDs needed to be labeled and packed, so she showed me how to do this.
I had tears streaming down my face as I sat there working. I felt so guilty about my poor cultivation state. The practitioner whose home I was in is known to the police; she had a family member living with complications from a stroke; her daughter, who also practices Falun Dafa, was tortured so severely for her belief that she became mentally ill. And, despite all this, this practitioner took the risk of having two printers and a DVD burner running in her home.
I had allowed fear and selfishness to control me, and I dared not make Dafa materials myself. I was so ashamed that I was a disappointment to Master and had let down the people I should have been saving.
After looking within and seeing what had become of me, I was determined to break through my fear and cultivate diligently.
I bought a second-hand laptop and DVD burner and set them up in my home to produce DVDs containing information about Dafa. I then handed them out by myself or went with other practitioners to distribute them. This productive period lasted for three years.
Setting Up my Own Materials Production Site
A practitioner brought a used printer to my house. I got scared and wished that she would take it away.
I knew that fear was an attachment that must be relinquished, and that I should not be so selfish. So I found a cloth to wipe the dust off the printer. She suggested that I recite Lunyu while I cleaned it. After reciting Lunyu, my fear was completely gone. I realized that Master helped to remove it.
The printer had a problem, however, and wouldn't work. Another practitioner happened to have a spare one she wanted to sell. She only wanted to charge me half of what it was worth, but I insisted on paying her the full value.
The new printer worked very well. I printed truth-clarifying messages on paper currency and produced other informational materials. Practitioners started to come and pick up materials from my home. I gave my printer a name, and we worked very well together.
The last time I was persecuted was 12 years ago. I have learned many lessons in cultivation since then, and now quietly carry out my duty of saving sentient beings and running my production site well.
I couldn't have done this without the help of other practitioners who always do their best to help me.
Category: Improving Oneself
