Some Examples of Looking Within

(Minghui.org)

Husband Acknowledges the Goodness of Dafa

One evening four years ago, I said to my husband, “Looking back over my many years of cultivation, I feel that I am not an absolute Dafa disciple.

“I am incompetent as a mother, as I cannot raise our child with the necessary financial means. I don’t know how to take care of you; instead I often make you feel embarrassed. Nor am I a good daughter-in-law. As the saying goes, ‘Charity begins at home.’ I am not obedient, but feel aggrieved. Now, I am sincerely reflecting upon myself—how do I cultivate myself? I want to start again as if I were a new practitioner.”

I thought he would say something like, “Finally, you recognized your problems.”

But to my surprise, he said, “Falun Dafa is really good. Falun Dafa is great. In the future, you don’t need to force me to be diligent in cultivation. I already know how to cultivate well.”

Head of Prison Cell Praises Dafa

When I lived in China, I was imprisoned in a detention center, and the newcomers had to clean the floor. While I was squatting down cleaning the floor, others were sitting on the bed. The head of our prison cell swore and mentioned Master’s name.

I looked within and thought it was the time to rectify this kind of persecution. I stood up and said, “Please respect me and don’t malign Master’s name, just as I would not malign your father’s name.”

She immediately clapped her hands and said, “Falun Dafa is good. Falun Dafa is good!” Later everyone in the cell withdrew from the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) and its affiliated organizations.

Other Practitioners Change Accordingly

During a group Fa study, a practitioner was leaning against a duvet with her legs across the bed. Feeling that this was poor behavior, I reminded her, “You are not being serious about Fa-study. How can you obtain the Fa?”

She accepted my comment and sat up straight. But another practitioner was upset. As she was busy sending text messages, she gave me a glance with her nose in the air. I realized that my words had not been compasionate. I also held the blame.

Here came the second test. When I was reading the Fa, the previously mentioned practitioner started to scratch her foot. Because I had just corrected her, I stopped myself from doing so again. Instead, I looked at myself and found that my back was not straight either, though my legs were folded. I immediately straightened my back, and she at the same time stopped scratching and sat up straight accordingly. She said, “Master’s teaching is really good. Master’s teaching is really good.” She was listening.

Distractions

In our Fa-study group, an elderly woman always sat beside me. As she studied the Fa, she was often not able to find the correct paragraph to read. She always asked me where the paragraph was, and annoyed me somewhat.

This time when she couldn’t find the correct paragraph, she looked at me and leaned toward me. I thought, “Please don’t ask me.” But then I thought, “Look within. Why can't she find the paragraph all the time? There must be some problems on my part.” I immediately became aware that even though I was reading the Fa and knew where to read, I was actually distracted by all kinds of ideas in mind. I immediately collected my thoughts and concentrated on Fa-study.

After I did so, she sat back, and found which paragraph to read.

My Fundamental Attachment—Cultivating for Fame

After I moved to another city, my cultivation environment changed, and my cultivation state was not as good. I just wanted to sleep and couldn’t concentrate on Fa study. I was anxious about it and wanted to break through. I thought more about it after returning from a Fa-study session.

I remembered that during our Shen Yun promotion one year, I read two lectures in Zhuan Falun every day, and I recited Hong Yin, Hong Yin Vol. II, and Hong Yin Vol. III every day. Within half a year, I had read all the books written by Master. Every day I did the exercises twice. Sometimes I practiced the second exercise for an hour. I slept fewer than four hours, and I went out early and came back at dusk to give out Shen Yun materials. So what was wrong with me now?

As I recalled that time, I noticed that I was praised by other practitioners saying, “You are fantastic, you are remarkable.” I was cultivating for praise.

Now in a new city where no one knew me, it must have been a test for whether I was truly cultivating. There was no fame for me, and there was no chance to show off. Other practitioners told me to keep a low profile, which suppressed my desire for praise. I lost the momentum to cultivate. I had been cultivating for fame. It was really horrible. It proved that I wasn’t truly cultivating.

I read Master’s “Towards Consummation”:

“Studying the Fa with attachments is not true cultivation. Yet during the course of cultivation a person may gradually become aware of his fundamental attachments, rid himself of them, and thus meet the standard for a cultivator.”

“You may start on the path of Dafa with those thoughts, yet over the course of cultivation you need to regard yourself as a cultivator. During the course of cultivation, however, through reading the books, studying the Fa, and diligently making progress, you should clearly recognize what your thoughts were when you first came to Dafa. After cultivating for a period of time, are your thoughts still the same? Are you continuing on the path because of those human attachments? If so, you cannot be counted as my disciple.” (“Towards Consummation” from Essentials for Further Advancement II)

When I read these passages, I found my fundamental attachment. Before I started to cultivate, I couldn’t realize life goals, as I was into a poor family and had no academic degree or social status. My humble heart made me feel depressed.

After studying Dafa, I noticed that other practitioners were warm-hearted and cared less about academic degrees and social statuses. Moreover, I met my husband in our cultivation group, and he was a software engineer with a bachelor's degree. This soothed my humble heart and satisfied my desire for fame. This was my initial thought leading to my practice of Falun Dafa.

This realization led me to eliminate the fundamental desire for fame, upon which all my other attachments were built. My life has since changed. With a primary education, I could do what undergraduates do, and do them brilliantly.

Finding the Attachment to “Validating Myself”

Around December 2015, other practitioners helped me find my other fundamental attachment—a sense of deficiency, which was far-reaching and difficult to address. I did realize however, that the attachment was not me, and I tried to eliminate it layer by layer.

One day I felt it was taken out from my chest, and since then my cultivation status was fundamentally different. However, when I read Master’s teaching on the fundamental attachment today, I found another fundamental problem—validating myself.

One day after I returned from group Fa-study, I sat in front of Master’s picture with my legs folded and started to study the Fa. No one was around me, but all the gods and Buddhas in heaven were closely watching my every thought. This time I was resolved in the Fa and became absolutely absorbed. I saw meanings that were shown to me by the Fa at my level. I recognized all my problems. Afterward, the difficulties in my life were resolved one by one—I found a job, and accommodations in my new city.

In this process, I tried to sense the attachment to fame. The attachment to fame constantly appeared in my mind. For example, I wondered how I should say something during the sharing, and how other people would respond to my sharing. As a result, my experience-sharing article was rejected. I realized that I wrote my sharing article with the attachment to showing off. I let the attachment go, and I was then asked to present my sharing.

Before I went on the stage to talk, I felt very nervous and was aware that Master was pushing the attachment out. I tried to calm it down, but my hands were shaking as I read my article. I knew it was not me. I was interrupted during my sharing, which frustrated my attachment for fame. I could feel that thing in my body was upset.

I felt uncomfortable about it until the next afternoon. I talked to an older practitioner about it. She answered, “You just wanted to validate yourself and obtain what you wanted from the Fa. You were validating yourself rather than resolving yourself in the Fa.”

I knew this was true. When I recognized it and no longer disguised my feeling, I felt very warm and assimilated to the Fa. I felt so safe. Meanwhile I touched the attachment of validating myself at a very micro level, and the attachment disappeared. I was full of gratitude toward the other practitioner. Before we chatted, I had an opinion of her, which caused distance between us. This time she replied to me very sincerely, saying, “Actually, I do the same thing. That is why I can see your problem.”

The following day my landlord said he would like to learn Falun Dafa. I subsequently met a Chinese man on the road, but I didn’t have time to tell him about Falun Dafa. I only left my telephone number with him, and he called me back to quit the CCP and its affiliated organizations. He also asked about learning Falun Dafa. In this way, I dug out my fundamental attachments layer by layer and saved those sentient beings with a predestined relationship.

I am now at another level of letting go of the attachment of validating myself, and making progress doing so.

Letting Go of Lust

While practicing the second exercise one day, I couldn’t help opening my eyes, and I saw a very beautiful handbag. I enjoyed seeing it, but immediately realized that this was my lust.

I recalled reading an article about how feeling that flowers were pretty was a kind of lust. I read the article to a practitioner, and she said she didn’t understand it. Lust was very difficult for me to remove this time. I recited Master’s “Cultivators’ Avoidances” again and again.

Another day I visited some shops to see if they would place a Shen Yun poster in their window. In one shop, the shop clerk took the poster and said he needed to ask his manager first.

As I was waiting, I noticed a girl busy working in the shop. A boy came in. He smiled at the girl and just watched her without looking at anything else. I thought they may be in love and he was chasing her. As I was thinking of this, the shop clerk appeared and told me that the manager didn’t want to hang the poster. I understood that my lust had caused the trouble.

In the car I chatted with the other practitioners about it. One of them said, “I also dreamed of lust.” Another practitioner said, “The other day my hands were stroked by others, which also reflected my lust.”

At the evening group Fa-study, I was so sleepy that I couldn’t hold the book. I realized that my lust attachment was trying to stop me from studying the Fa. Another practitioner also stood up to get rid of her sleepiness. I was trying very hard to keep my eyes open. After a while, as I kept studying the Fa, the attachment of lust disintegrated from my crown. I felt immediately relieved and the practitioner who was standing up for a while immediately sat down. She no longer felt sleepy.

Master’s teaching appeared in my mind:

“The next person's things are your things, and your things are his things.” (“Teaching the Fa at the Washington, D.C. Fa Conference”)

I gained a further understanding about this Fa-teaching.

That is it for now. Thank you, Master. Thank you, fellow practitioners.