Cultivate Solidly Amidst Contradictions
(Minghui.org) From studying the Fa, I have come to understand that Buddhas, Gods, and Daos can see everything, but the cosmos in their eyes is but a speck of dust, so they pay it no mind.
“Because although Buddhas, Gods, and Daos at very high levels have insight into everything, no one has thought about counting the specks of dust. A planet within a vast cosmic body is really just like a speck of dust drifting in the cosmos.” (Teaching the Fa at the Conference in Switzerland)
At my level, sometimes I could see certain things but I couldn’t help but be affected by them, even things of no consequence.
“Why was my thinking so limited?” I often wondered. “Why do I find it so difficult to let things go?” I realized Master had tried to enlighten me through dreams, but somehow I just couldn’t seem to break through.
Learning to Cultivate Myself
When my father died, my practitioner mother, relying only on the strength afforded her by her trust in Master and Dafa, took care of us three children and raised us to adulthood.
I started practicing Falun Gong in 2001. At the beginning, I didn’t know how to cultivate. Fellow practitioners nearby also had no clue. Because we merely did Dafa’s projects without working on our xinxing, we were all subject to evil interference.
I got married in 2004. I married below my level, thinking that if I found somebody not exactly at my level, he would treat me better.
I was hard to accept that during my pregnancy my husband only asked about my welfare once, and had given me a mere seven-hundred yuan for my living expenses.
Because I didn’t know what cultivation really entailed, I simply got very angry with my husband’s callous behavior toward me and our unborn child. Not even two months after our child was born, my husband would leave home in the morning and wouldn’t be back until midnight.
When our child was less than two years old, my husband left for the south, and I didn’t hear from him for almost a year.
I spent a lot of that time crying bitter tears, alone. I came to understand the true meaning of feeling teeth-gnashing resentment. Fortunately, my family was there to help take care of me and my baby.
Through continuous Fa study, I was able to calm down quite a bit and found things a lot easier to bear. Slowly, I learned to cultivate myself.
Facing the World Alone
My brother then got married. By that time, I had also moved out to rent a place for myself and my child.
Not long after that, fellow practitioners in our area’s material production site, to play it safe, decided to move the site to my rental apartment.
From then on, I became responsible for producing Dafa materials. My job was mainly printing the Nine Commentaries on the Communist Party.
At the time, the condition in my apartment was poor and I was getting a lot of interference. Every time, as soon as I worked on making copies of the Nine Commentaries on the Communist Party, my child would come down with a high fever and vomiting.
I knew it was interference, so I would send forth righteous thoughts, and then I would continue doing what I needed to do. Gradually, the evil forces stopped using my child to interfere with me.
In the eyes of the world and even of fellow practitioners, it would seem that my life at the time was not normal. It got a lot of people wondering and they were stumped.
If you said I was divorced, I was not divorced. If you said I had been married for ten years, but the time my husband and I had been together could not have exceeded one year. If you said I had a home, but I really didn’t have one in the true sense of the word.
Because my circumstance was special, and that I was a young woman with a young child, to reduce trouble, I almost always had my door closed so as to avoid the need to associate with other people.
My son had to undergo some hardships growing up. Throughout the years regardless of the season or time, whenever I went somewhere, I would take my son along. I would also not allow my child to go outside to play with the neighborhood children.
When my son was about four-years old, a hard fall from the bed broke his arm and displaced his shoulder.
The doctor said anesthesia was needed before treatment could be performed or the child could not stand the pain.
My son had never taken any medicine or received any injection from birth. He didn’t even want to be in the hospital, much less to stay. He kept wanting to go home.
I let him listen to Master's recorded lectures as soon as we got home and every day afterwards. I also taught him to recite “Falun Dafa is good, Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance is good.”
My son miraculously recovered in five days. The whole family was amazed and moved by the miracle.
Living Carefree and Content
All those years, the worst thing to bear was no doubt loneliness.
At the beginning, I imagined my child and I were hermits. Even though we were living among people, we were very isolated from everybody and everything.
Each New Year, when every family would be decorating and celebrating with excitement and anticipation, I would be in my apartment with the door closed and locked studying the Fa or making Dafa materials.
I remembered my mother once said, “There should be no work done on the first day of the year. Otherwise, we will all be busy toiling for the rest of the year.”
So, I thought, “Then, let my rest of the year be busy toiling in dedication to validating Dafa.”
Before long, my son was old enough to start school and my expenses increased.Although my husband would mail us about one thousand yuan a month, I still had to watch how I spent the money.
With increased diligence in my cultivation practice, my overall xinxing also increased. I couldn’t put feelings into words, but I knew my mental state had improved. I’ve now learned to live a peaceful life feeling carefree and content.
Cultivating Amidst Contradictions
When contradictions with fellow practitioners in our area started to surface, and when cooperating with fellow practitioners, it often left me feeling I wasn’t respected or wanted, although I did not protest, I would feel resentful and wronged.
At the beginning, I was able to handle such situations with not too much effort. However, as time went on, I realized I was harboring increasing resentment and indignation toward fellow practitioners. I asked myself why?
I kept thinking, “I treat fellow practitioners well, why do they not treat me likewise?Not long after, a Fa conference was held in our area. Unfortunately, it led to mass arrests.
The coordinator of the conference succeeded in rescuing a practitioner from the prison hospital, that resulted in affecting a complete changeover of prison personnel.
The prison authorities wanted to have her arrested, but because she practiced solidly, she didn’t leave gaps for the evil forces to take advantage of. She remained safe and unharmed.
However, fellow practitioners had attachments to fear and jealousy and seeking fame, so there arose a lot of acute contradictions in our midst.
Just the amount of rumors alone was quite devastating, so much so that the coordinator’s reputation was very much on the line. To say she became notorious would not be an exaggeration.
To alleviate the tremendous pressure heaped onto the coordinator, I decided to partner with her, and so I got dragged into the contradictions. I couldn’t handle the intense pressure. I began to look outward and ended up practically despising fellow practitioners for their despicable words and behavior.
Because I hadn’t cultivated well, and that I was partial to the coordinator and looked down on fellow practitioners, the contradictions intensified.
Master must have observed the miserable state we had gotten ourselves in. In His great mercy, He arranged for us to meet with a veteran practitioner from outside of our area.
The veteran practitioner spoke gently. He didn’t talk about our contradictions nor did he attempt to analyze anything for us. All he did was provide us with examples based on what he observed as our various attachments, allowing us to contemplate and come to our own conclusions.
In the span of two hours, our way of thinking was turned around. Master also removed a lot of bad factors in other dimensions for us.
I was regretful for my past mindset and conduct. I realized I had failed to have cultivated well and was far from being a genuine Dafa disciple with all of my grievances and bad thoughts.
The compassion and tranquility naturally displayed by the veteran practitioner showed me how much I needed to work on my xinxing.
I made great efforts the following year to get rid of my human notions and do my best to make things better. My environment slowly improved as my xinxing improved. The rescue mission of fellow practitioners continues and we still get interference.
I am determined to cultivate diligently under Master’s merciful guidance. I will not behave as an average person to only practice off and on. Nor will I forget to think and act with righteous thought whenever I encounter any difficulty.