Seen in a Dream: Deep Regret for Not Fulfilling My Mission
(Minghui.org) On the morning of January 2nd, I had two very clear dreams, which shocked me to the core. Although I call them dreams, they are actually what my yuanshen experienced outside my physical body.
All of a sudden I felt physically uncomfortable, so I closed my eyes and felt my yuanshen leave through my head. As I (yuanshen) looked back and I saw my body lying there, I asked myself, “Am I dead?” Then two beams of light appeared, and the thought came to me that the bright light led to heaven, while the dark one led to hell.
I thought, "I am a Dafa practitioner. There is no way I'm going to hell. Even if I die, I am no longer a being that belongs to hell." The bright light was absorbing me in my ascent toward heaven. Drifting and floating upward in the sky, my body felt very light, weightless, and I rushed rapidly upward.
A bit frightened, I said to myself, “It's impossible that I'm dead, isn't it? I haven’t fulfilled my mission yet! If I am going to leave, I am leaving with Master!" At that thought, I entered into the deep cosmos, with layers and layers of cosmos' passing by as I flew extremely fast. Before long, a magnificent paradise displayed before me.
I understood that this was the paradise for Dafa practitioners who have been persecuted to death but still reached consummation. This is where they are waiting for Master’s last step: Fa rectification of the human world. I tried to go in, but I was not permitted to enter.
So I kept on flying until I came to a gloomy world, where I saw many people sitting on the ground with lifeless eyes, wailing loudly, beating their chests, and wringing their hands. This entire world was filled with endless sorrow, bitterness, and hopeless regret. I tried to figure out what was going on.
An idea then came into my mind, letting me know that this was the world for practitioners who had passed away without fulfilling their vows, and here they awaited their final judgment.
That really shocked me, and a great fear arose within me: “Am I really dead now? I haven’t fulfilled my mission and I'm dead?" Right then, my deceased grandma rushed over to me. She stared at me, startled, and when she regained her consciousness, she sobbed and wept and cried out, “What on earth are you here for? And without fulfilling your vow! How dare you come here? I am counting on you (to reach consummation)! Didn’t I tell you many times in your dreams that you have to cultivate diligently? How could you die without fulfilling your mission? Why do you come to this world?” After saying this, she fell down, wailing bitterly.
I started to believe that I was truly dead. I cried and cried, asking for Master to help me. I saw Master’s Fashen looking at me from afar in a rather sad and serious way. I knelt down, sobbing and crying, and I knew that I had done wrong and that I hadn’t cultivated well. I begged the beings around Master to send me back, because if I left my flesh body for too long, it would soon die. But no matter how I cried, nobody came to help me. I became desperate. I regretted so much that I hadn’t been diligent or cultivated well enough, and why I came to this world of desperation. My deep remorse and pain made me feel I did not want to stay alive any longer.
Then, a female Dafa practitioner came to me and asked why I was there. I told her I had no clue. She said she was sent there because she didn’t pass her tribulation of illness karma and now she was full of regret, but it was too late, since, without a human flesh body, there was nothing she could do. It was too late for anything.
I asked her if we would be annihilated if we hadn’t fulfilled our mission, and about the punishment. She told me that there was no way she could reveal any heavenly secrets, but she knew that, with my mission unfulfilled, the sentient beings belonging to me would be entirely wiped out and all worlds and their sentient beings, layers upon layers that I had predestined relations with when I descended from high realms, would all disintegrate.
When I heard this, I couldn’t help crying, thinking how I wished I could go back to my human body. And then she showed me a mirror in the distance, through which I could see all my relatives. I rushed over to it and saw my mom, a practitioner, embracing my body, crying and calling my name to come back to my flesh body. She said that I hadn’t fulfilled my mission and that I could not leave. I heard her calling my name, and I cried out, “Mom, Mom!" But no matter how loudly I called, she couldn’t hear me. I saw another practitioner helping people quit the Party at work. I tried to call her, but she couldn’t hear me either. I was all tears, tears of boundless regret. The overwhelming sorrow and pain made me suffer unspeakably.
Suddenly I heard a voice say, “Let her stay for a few days.” I don’t know who it was, and I knelt down and wailed bitterly. After a while, we were told to eat, but nobody wanted to. I tried to look as far as I could, and I saw countless Dafa disciples shedding tears of deep remorse. Some slapped their own faces and they turned swollen and red; some scratched their faces with sharp nails and had blood all over their faced; some hit a wall with their heads and their heads bled profusely; some beat their chests with both fists, hit their heads, legs, etc. This entire world was filled with regretful, heart-wrenching screams. But then I realized that, in this world, no matter how you suffer or torture yourself, there is no way you will die. So everyone who comes to this world has to suffer painstakingly, second by second, minute by minute, in deep regret. One would rather die than live another second if one had the choice. And even if you are asked to stay alive, you would rather die. That feeling is beyond description.
Looking at the practitioners there, I hated myself so much. Why hadn’t I cultivated well? Why had I always kept those attachments? All of sudden I recalled that there were still lists of people who had quit the CCP that I hadn’t made public yet. There were still some criminal complaints against Jiang Zemin that I hadn’t edited, and that I still have friends and former classmates that haven’t heard the truth about Falun Gong.
I remembered that I hadn’t put all my heart into studying the Fa and that I still could not recite Master’s newly released “On Dafa,” along with a lot of poems in Hong Yin, and that I still couldn’t meditate for an hour, and that I had missed so many of the standing exercises and I hadn’t done the exercises on a daily basis, and that I have missed sending forth righteous thoughts so many times.
Thinking of all that, my heart felt like it was breaking, as if knives were cutting it into pieces, and I hated myself so much. Tears of regret covered my face. I knelt on the ground, hitting myself with my fists, slapping my face. How I wished I could have the chance to go back to my flesh body, how I wished I still had the opportunity to cultivate well and diligently in the human world. I called out and pleaded, “Please! Help me! Please let me go back to my physical body. It will die soon if I don't!” But however I cried and wailed, it was no use.
Some time later, I do not know how long, I heard a voice say, “It is time. Send her back.”
The next thing I heard was my mother trying to wake me to do the exercises, and I opened my eyes. But the words, “It is time. Send her back,” still echoed in my ears as my flesh body awoke.
After that, I couldn’t calm down for quite a while, I was so shocked. The very first moment I was frightened and fearful, but a minute later I was happy and full of joy again, seeing the surroundings of my room and feeling it hurt when I pinched myself.
Now I was sure that I was still alive! How great! I still had the opportunity to cultivate! I still had a chance to do well and fulfill my mission! The extremes in emotion and spirit that I experienced were so dramatically different. I am still startled and shocked: That was not a dream, it was a reality, and I believe it was my yuanshen that experienced the remorse and regret for not fulfilling my mission after it left my physical body.
I am very thankful to Master for giving me such a serious warning and lesson.
When I was sitting in meditation, I suddenly had a terrible stomachache. I unfolded my legs and went back to bed and fell asleep again. Then I had another dream.
In the dream there was an older man. Even though I couldn’t see his face clearly, I could hear his voice very clearly.
He asked me if there was any tribulation or obstacle that I couldn’t pass in cultivation. I thought for a while and said that I felt the tribulation of marriage was hard to pass. He asked for further details. I shared with him that I was already 32 years old but not yet married. I felt great pressure from ordinary people, and my friends and relatives were not supportive or very understanding.
Other people assume that either I have a problem, or I am a secret lover of some well-off guy, and so many tales have been spread about me. People look at me oddly. Surrounded by this, sometimesI can hardly breathe.
The older gentleman asked me why I have not married. I told him that I am in conflict deep down inside myself. I started to read and study Dafa when I was only 10 years old, and I became a practitioner 3 years later, which means I have been cultivating for almost 20 years. If I married, wouldn’t all those years of hardship and effort in cultivation have been in vain?
And I know that, as a cultivator, I have to get rid of sentimentality and desire, so getting married would just add another, unnecessary obstacle to my cultivation. Plus, married people are supposed to have children and to spend countless time and energy on them, and the sentimentality for your own child is so hard to eliminate.
All that can prevent one from being diligent and cultivating well. But if you do not get married, ordinary people do not understand and gossip about you. So neither is good, getting married or staying single. But one lucky thing is that I have a baby face. I look pretty young, and people are always guessing that I am around 22. That I look younger is my only comfort.
Hearing this, the gentleman laughed and said, “You know the story Journey to the West, right? Monk Tang endured 81 tribulations before he obtained Buddha scriptures and reached consummation. You as a Dafa disciple have the greatest mission ever, and with your cultivation level reaching unprecedented heights, what you must overcome are hundreds and thousands of tribulation and obstacles.
“Humans always say they would like to cultivate to become gods and Buddhas, but it is not an easy thing. And for those who come here to be Dafa disciples, it is not that simple or easy. It is not that whoever wants to become a Dafa disciple can be one. The title of 'Dafa Disciple' is something that all deities in heaven admire but simply cannot obtain. It is really lucky to get a chance to practice this Dafa.
“You know that the principles in the human world are just the opposite. If you want to cultivate Buddhahood, you must encounter many tribulations and hardships. You know you have been suffering tremendous bitterness and pain throughout different lifetimes and eventually came to this final stage, and you are supposed to get rid of this human shell, meaning you have to undergo unbearable pains and tribulations.
“No matter what people around you say about you, either that you are good or that they cannot understand you and mock you, laugh at you, or abuse you, isn’t that helping you remove your human shell? The principles in the secular world are the opposite--everyone at your age is supposed to get married and raise kids. For you, a cultivator, it is to help you to eliminate your attachments and become a divine being.
“They do not understand you, but in the future when you reach consummation, they will for sure understand you, and they will admire you and repay for what they did that made you suffer. On the other hand, you may choose to get married, and that is to see if you are firm enough, not affected by sentimentality and desire, as well as kids.”
I told him that I was not that firm and steady, that I was afraid that I would not handle it well and drop down. He said, “That being the case, then you’d be better off if you cultivate diligently. Right now if you look back, is it still an obstacle? Isn’t it easy to pass? Actually, I see your cultivation is just a one-day process--you came to this human world, and you stay only for one day and it’ll end pretty soon.”
I asked, “But why does it seem like such a long time for me?” He smiled and said that human time and the time he was talking about were different. In reality it was just the blink of an eye.
He emphasized again that I should cultivate diligently and to go back.
It was just about time to send forth righteous thoughts, and I awoke and got up.
After I shared my dream with my parents, they were both shocked. My mom shed tears and said that it was not a dream, that it was Master helping to enlighten me. The next day, a practitioner came over, and I shared it with her. She encouraged me to write it down to give those practitioners who slack off and have many attachments, that it was a profound warning for us all to reconsider our paths of cultivation.
Fellow practitioners, is there anything worth being attached to in this human world? Is there any attachment that cannot be let go of? Is there some human thinking that drags us back and keeps us from being diligent?
We do not have much time left. If you cannot really cherish yourself, if you cannot fulfill your mission, what awaits you is endless pain and boundless remorse, not to mention annihilation! Please do not be muddleheaded, my fellow practitioners! Please do not wait until you lose your flesh body and start to regret that you haven’t done well. Then it will be too late.
This sharing is based only on my experiences and understanding. Please correct me if there is anything not in line with Dafa.