(Minghui.org) Before I became a Falun Dafa cultivator, I was rather stubborn. Since I am the only son, I was spoiled and lost my temper whenever things did not go my way. I abused my sisters, as well as others and my father had to pay the medical bills.
After I studied the Fa, I understood that if I harm others I would lose virtue, and I therefore tried to endure when others insulted me.
Filled with Anger
After the persecution started in 1999, I was filled with anger because so many practitioners were arrested. I went to Beijing to appeal for justice for Falun Dafa. Staff from the 610 Office called me and this made me really mad. I went to their office, argued with them and even banged my fist on their tables.
Before I left their office, they admitted that they knew that practitioners were good people, but they were under pressure from higher-ups. This was the last I heard from them.
When I helped practitioners with Dafa projects, I would sometimes lose my temper and I mistreated four fellow practitioners, including a lady. Many practitioners were scolded by me.
Master said,“In a few isolated cases the person has gotten to be so touchy that no one can go near him. The moment he hears anything even faintly unpleasant, he can’t take it. He blows up the moment his attachments are stirred up. That thing has now become hard to dislodge, and big.” (“Fa Teaching Given in Manhattan”)
I realized that I should not lose my temper so easily, but I just could not change myself at first. I frequently fought with others.
Master said,“I want to see how you handle things at the time. When you butt heads with that person, it actually equates to butting heads with me.” (“Fa Teaching Given in Manhattan”)
I realized that butting heads with fellow practitioners was actually being disrespectful to Master. I knew I had to change my ways.
Determined to Change
I searched within, and found that I harbored a heart of vengeance towards the persecutors, a competitive mentality and sentimentality towards practitioners. But, I still did not know how to let these attachments go, so I simply studied the Fa.
Master said,“...when you truly have compassion toward sentient beings, then there won't be any more emotion to trouble you...” (“Explaining the Fa During the 2003 Lantern Festival at the U.S. West Fa Conference”)
When I studied the Fa I finally understood that I had to develop a heart of compassion. I thought that the great enlightened beings of the past were filled with great mercy and compassion, Therefore, as a Dafa disciple, I too needed to develop great mercy and compassion and must control that bad temper of mine.
Facing Conflicts Calmly and with Compassion
To change was just too difficult and I still got angry when others criticized me. I would calm down after a while, but would still be very irritated. When a coordinator told me that I was not in line with the Fa, I was boiling mad. I wanted to hit him, but stopped myself in time.
A practitioner did not know how to burn a CD. During our conversation I was unkind and he asked me to leave his house.
“I was not compassionate and did not think of your wellbeing, “I said. “It is my fault.” He calmed down and we resolved the problem.
Practitioners who were printing Dafa books were elderly and some had poor eyesight. They did not notice when the words were blurry. I went to see the person-in-charge of binding the books and he criticized me for giving work to people who were irresponsible. I calmly listened, contained my anger and after we studied the Fa, I found my own sentimentality and bias towards some practitioners.
At a small group Fa study, a practitioner read some words wrongly and I corrected him. He asked me why he should correct himself since I refused to do so when asked. I did not say a word. I realized that I had to let go of human sentimentality.
Practitioners cultivating in Dafa are brought together by the Fa’s predestined relationships. Sentimentality does not do us any good. I thank those practitioners who have pointed out my flaws from the bottom of my heart.
I apologize to those practitioners who I have harmed.
Category: Improving Oneself
