Always Be on Your Guard or the Attachment to Lust Will Break You Down

(Minghui.org) After initially overcoming the attachment to lust, I never thought I would have to share about this.

This year, however, I failed the test of lust and allowed myself to behave in a manner completely unbefitting a cultivator.

Beginning Cultivation and Overcoming the Attachment to LustWhen I was younger I used to frequently engage in promiscuous behavior. This behavior sapped my energy and caused many problems in my personal and professional life.

Realizing how extreme my behavior had become convinced me to take up cultivation. In the beginning, it was actually easy to let go of promiscuous behavior, and after about a year, I stopped all lustful activities.

I wasn’t cultivating very well at the time, but the practitioner who introduced me to Falun Dafa told me this was something I had to change quickly, so I did just that.

After a period of serious cultivation, things improved. I focused purely on cultivating diligently and saving sentient beings, and passed the lust test in my dreams several times.

I was doing the exercises, participating in group Fa study, and sending righteous thoughts each day. More importantly, I was getting rid of negative influences and truly looking inside while cultivating. It seemed that I was doing well in my cultivation and that lust was no longer much of an issue.

A Gradual Descent

Over time, however, things started to change. Because of worldly temptations, severe interference from other dimensions, and being part of a more relaxed group environment, I gradually became less diligent.

I still studied the Fa, did the exercises and sent righteous thoughts, but gradually more attachments began to appear. I resumed watching movies and sports, and did physical exercises to keep in shape. I also started to listen to pop music again.

It is my understanding that all these factors combined lessen your protective field and fill you with impure elements. In any case, all of a sudden I started taking an interest in the opposite sex again.

Although I still did not date anyone or have physical contact, I would sometimes engage in satisfying my lustful feelings. I would immediately feel the bad energy leaping onto me.

Temptation is everywhere, and if your thoughts aren’t righteous, it can lead you down the wrong path.

Master said in Zhuan Falun Lecture Nine,

“Therefore, this present, objectively existing environment seriously interferes with our practitioners’ cultivation toward high levels. Nude pictures are displayed right over there, hanging in the middle of the street. Once you look up, you will see them.”

While this behavior wasn’t strictly speaking “sexual activity outside marriage,” I was accruing karma and became less dedicated to my Dafa projects. Intense thought karma from my lustful past haunted me, and I could not eliminate it.

Needless to say, I could also not pass the lust test in my dreams any longer. I shared these experiences with other male practitioners on occasion, but never brought it up at the bigger group studies out of fear of losing face.

Master said in Zhuan Falun, Lecture Six,

“Since human beings have sentimentality, being upset is sentimentality, so are happiness, love, hatred, enjoying doing one thing, resenting doing another thing, preferring one person to another, hobbies, and dislikes. Everything belongs to sentimentality, and everyday people just live for it. Then, as a practitioner and one who rises above and beyond, one should not use this approach to judge things, and one should break away from them.”

I went on like this for about a year and a half — until things got even worse. I spent time with a former girlfriend, and one evening we engaged in physical closeness that was inappropriate.

I felt horrible the next day and knew I had done something bad, but recovered relatively quickly. At this point my thoughts had become so crooked that I thought I could enjoy this excitement every once in a while and then cultivate it away again, as long as I did not overstep the boundary and actually engage in sexual activity.

I thought I was in control. In reality, this was just the old forces gradually pushing me toward a place where I could not resist any longer, as pointed out in: "Young Dafa Disciples Should Pay Close Attention to Eliminating the Attachment to Desire and Lust"

Because I thought I was in control, I repeated the same mistake twice, until the inevitable happened. I became embroiled in qing and during this time I hardly studied the Fa, did the exercises, or sent forth righteous thoughts.

Master said in "Teaching the Fa in the City of Los Angeles,"

“I have talked before about the old forces' interference. Have you thought about the following? [Sexual desire] is one of the factors [they use] to hold you back! What do the old forces and the old cosmos see as the gravest thing? Lust, [in the form of] sexual activity outside of marriage. That's what they see as the most serious of things. In the past, once someone violated the precept on that, he would be thrown out of the temple, and his cultivation would be utterly finished. So how do gods look at this now? Do you know what they have said in the prophecies that they left behind? They prophesied that all of the Dafa disciples who would be left in the end would be those who had maintained their purity along these lines. In other words, these things are extremely serious to them. So the old forces and all of the gods in that cosmos will not defend anyone who violates the prohibition on this, anyone who doesn't do well in this regard; in fact they will push you downwards.”

I felt very bad and asked Master for forgiveness, vowing I would never do anything like that again. In retrospect, doing something I thought I would never do made me realize that I was never in control during this whole process.

We Are Responsible for Our Own Cultivation

Since then I have become clear that every little sexual thought and every lustful glance is a step in the wrong direction. I have gradually increased my study, exercise and sending righteous thoughts. I have set myself the goal to memorize all the different sections about lust and passing the lust test in my dreams again as well. This Minghui editorial outlines the process well.

Master said,

“There are some people who are still doing some shameful and filthy things, things that are a disservice to Dafa, and things undeserving of the title of Dafa disciple. I haven't treated you differently. In the end, when you can't progress to Consummation, you yourself will have to bear the responsibility! Master isn't trying to scare anyone. Whoever misses out on this historic opportunity, whoever misses out on this chance, when you realize what you've missed out on you won't even want to live even if you are allowed to! Don't think that since Master is always merciful you can take Master's mercy for granted! There are standards for Dafa disciples, and the Fa has standards. It's not like everyone can just goof around together and pass muster.” (“Teaching and Explaining the Fa at the Metropolitan New York Fa Conference”)

I do not want to quit cultivating or waste the chance Master Li has given me. I am very thankful to Master for his compassion and I am equally aware that I cannot take it for granted.