Letting Go of Fear of Pain During the Sitting Meditation
(Minghui.org) I'm embarrassed to say that I've always been afraid of pain when I did the sitting meditation. It's been more than a decade since I started practicing Falun Dafa, but I only finished the 60-minute meditation a few times, when I was in a very good state of mind. Most of the time, my legs hurt so much that I could only meditate for about 30 to 40 minutes.
I Became Determined to Finish the Meditation
I decided to make a breakthrough one day - I was determined to meditate for 60 minutes! I turned on the music and crossed my legs. Within 15 minutes, my legs started to tingle, and they became very numb when the music hit the 25-minute mark. They soon began to hurt, and thoughts of quitting arose. I knew those thoughts were not my true self, and I decided to continue.
The pain became excruciating 40 minutes into the meditation. It was so painful that I opened my eyes and began counting the seconds. I kept pushing myself and thought, “I'm a Falun Dafa practitioner, and I'm going to persevere until the end.” Another thought popped into my head immediately, “I'm doing pretty well today. I should stop now, or it might get too painful!”
I began perspiring profusely from the pain, but I did not want to quit like I usually did. This time, I was determined to continue.
In order to let go of the pain and not focus on it, I began to recite Lunyu. But the pain worsened and I thought I was going to die. I quickly negated those thoughts and said, “I'm a practitioner, and I won't die from the pain, but my karma will.” The pain lessened a bit, and I continued to recite “Lunyu.”
When the music had eight more minutes to go, my “thought karma” begged me to uncross my legs. By then, my clothes were soaking wet, and my legs were cramping and shaking from the pain. I could barely breathe and I could not straighten my back. I began panting and thought, “I won't give up, I'll endure it until the end. This time, I'm going to eliminate you, karma!”
I kept reciting “Lunyu” until the music ended, and I can't even remember how I uncrossed my legs. I let out a deep breath and sighed, “I'm still alive!”
I Can Forbear the Pain Now
During the next two days, I remained determined and finished the 60-minute meditation. By the fourth day, it became easier although still painful, and I recited “Lunyu” when the pain became unbearable after 40 minutes of meditation.
It's been a little over two weeks now, and I recite “Lunyu” when my legs start to feel painful 50 minutes into the meditation.
I hope my enlightenment quality has improved, as I should have overcome this obstacle a long time ago!