“I Am Very Fortunate to Have Married You”
(Minghui.org) My wife is a lay Buddhist. At the young age of twelve she started worshiping and reciting scriptures. For more than ten years she has been a vegetarian. She came into contact with some Falun Dafa books and lecture tapes back in 1999, but did not understand it deeply.
Before we were married, I told her some history of Falun Dafa and explained about the persecution. She expressed her understanding and sympathy but she said, “We should not interfere with each other’s faith.” I told her I would respect her choice.
Initial Arguments As a Result of Attachments
After we were married, when I mentioned some Fa principles, she would get extremely sensitive and become defensive. Sometimes we would get into heated debates and a few times she ended up in tears.
Every time after we argued, I remembered what Master said:
“As a cultivatorOne always looks for one’s own faults’Tis the Way to get rid of attachments most effectivelyThere’s no way to skip ordeals, big or small[During a conflict, if you can remember:]“He’s right,And I’m wrong,”What’s to dispute?”(“Who’s Right, Who’s Wrong” from Hong Yin III)
I reminded myself from Master's teachings to look within. I thought that it must be because of a problem within me. My intention was hoping that she would understand that Dafa was good, but I was pushing it on her instead of letting her enlighten to it herself. I wanted to win the argument; negative feelings were created.
After I recognized this I went to my wife and told her my attitude wasn't good. I said, “I did not follow Master's instructions.” I apologized for upsetting her and told her I would be more sensitive to her in the future. She could tell I was being sincere, and so she forgave me. I was beginning to realize that since I am a cultivator, I cannot just pay lip service. I must do well in my daily life and improve my mind and heart with my words and actions. Only then can I demonstrate the goodness of Dafa.
Treating Others with Kindness
Every morning, I try to be the first one to wake up, so I can make breakfast, do some laundry and let my wife sleep in a bit more and have more time to get ready for work. After dinner I take the initiative to wash the dishes and clean up. If I am already home when she gets home from work, I would fix her a cup of warm water. If it was cold and she was trying to read, I would get a blanket for her.
She was touched by the many little things I did for her, and she would even ask me,“Are all practitioners as nice as you?” I said, “There are many who are better, I have not always followed Master's requirements.”
I told her that before cultivating I used to completely disregard all these little things. I had always been a good student and had big ambitions which did not include gestures that seemed so trivial to me back then. After I began to cultivate I followed Master's requirements and gave up my attachments to fame and gain and acting like I was better than everyone else. I followed Master’s teaching: “...he is full of great aspirations while minding minor details.” (“Sage” from Essentials for Further Advancement)
I understood that it does not matter how big or small the issue is, the important thing is to do it with compassion. I told my wife, “The value of something does not stem from how big or small it seems to be, but from how much compassion was put into doing it”. When my wife heard this she admired me and said, “You Dafa practitioners seem to be real cultivators and really follow Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance!”
It is not just my wife that I treat well, I also treat her family and friends with compassion. They notice and comment to my wife that I am a good husband and kind person. I extend this behavior to neighbors and everyone I encounter.
When I go out with my wife, I always hold the door open for her and everyone we are with, and I enter last. I hurry to open elevator doors and allow everybody to enter before me. When I see someone in need, I offer help. My wife says, “You Dafa practitioners are really good people.”
Being Understanding in the Midst of Frustrations
When my wife drives, there are other drivers who rudely cut her off. This annoys her and she will often comment, “Chinese men are horrible, they are the rudest drivers.” I always encourage her to be more accepting. Once, when she was driving, the driver in the car ahead stopped suddenly. My wife nearly crashed into him.
She yelled “Why did he stop like that?” I stayed calm and explained that maybe something was wrong with his car. Sure enough someone hurried out of the car to lift the hood and check out the engine. My wife then said, “People who cultivate Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance are truly understanding and accepting. I should learn from your example.” I said, “You should learn from our Master, I am simply a disciple who cultivates!”
Once when we were going out, at our doorstep there was a bag of garbage. My wife was annoyed and complained saying a neighbor must have left it there. I just picked it up and said “Oh that reminds me, I need to take our garbage out; thank you neighbor for reminding me with your behavior.”
She was shocked and said, “Even with garbage left at our doorstep you Dafa disciples say thank you?” I said yes, because Master taught us that we should thank others even if they harm us, as it is a good opportunity to improve our mind and heart nature; we cultivators have no enemies. She said, “Your Master seems to be really wonderful. I am beginning to understand Dafa.”
Understanding the Truth
When my wife was young, she was pressured into joining the Chinese Communist Party (CCP). Before we married, I urged her to withdraw from it, but she still did not understand the Party's evil nature enough.
After we were married, I continued telling her about how the CCP persecuted Chinese people through various political campaigns since it seized the power in China. I explained to her about the persecution, including the Party's state-sanctioned forced organ harvesting from living Falun Dafa practitioners.
I was once talking about how they brainwashed people, and my wife told my six-year-old daughter sternly, “I’m telling you, never ever join the CCP in the future!”
I once gave my wife a Shen Yun DVD, but she did not watch it. I asked her to watch it several times and she became defensive, so I stopped bugging her. Earlier this year, I was able to get a Divine Land Marching Band DVD and played it at home.
I asked my wife if she would like to see it. To my surprise she not only watched it but enjoyed the performance. After watching, she said, “I feel that they’re very similar to you, you are all very kind. I also think that I have some kind of connection with you all!” I then played the 2014 Shen Yun DVD, and my wife loved it and said it was absolutely beautiful!
I encouraged her to read some Dafa books. When I would show her the books, she acted disinterested. Once, when I was reading a Dafa book, my wife was reading an online article about some degenerated Chinese morals and asked me, “Do you look at other women?”
I happened to be reading the part in Master’s Fa about how Dafa disciples need to be strict about relationships between a man and a woman. I handed the book to my wife and said, “Look at what our Master requires of us.” This time, she read it seriously and said; “I believe you. Your Master is great! I am very fortunate to have married you.”
My wife is usually proud of her health and fitness, but she and our daughter both caught the flu during flu season. However, I did not, and I am healthy year round. My wife asked once, “Do you all really cultivate both the mind and body? You seem to always be so healthy.” I then told her about how we cultivate our mind and body and I suggested meditating.
She then started meditating. After the first time, she said it was very comfortable and she felt some energy flowing. She often meditates now and even says, “I’ve started to enjoy meditating!”