Finding the Real Cause of My Unsettled Heart
(Minghui.org) I saw Master in a dream and told my mother about it while we were having breakfast. In my dream, I began boasting to Master about my recent improvements: I'm more diligent in my cultivation; I have been doing the Dafa exercises early in the morning; I have been memorizing the Fa. I have also produced a lot of truth-clarification materials...
Master asked me to show him what I had done. I started searching high and low in my home for the materials, greeting cards, and other items I made. However, I wasn't able to find many. Master commented, “There isn't much?” I blushed and woke up from the dream.
My mom is also a Dafa practitioner. She smiled and said, “Think about it. Why did you have such a dream?”
Of course I knew why. My heart has been quite uneasy ever since then.
Aside from my mother, all other practitioners in my Fa study group are my colleagues. We all work for a foreign company. Although none of us specialize in information technology, we are more proficient with computers than many other practitioners.
Once I proposed an idea related to computer technology, our Fa study group would entrust me with the task. I am willing to do it because it is something I'm capable of doing and it's a good opportunity for me to contribute to Dafa.
However, my heart was often moved when I spent a lot of time on something. I complained in my heart, “It seems that I'm the only one who keeps learning new computer skills. I have to fumble my way learning, yet other practitioners simply wait for me and take the easy way out. Aren't we all busy just the same?”
Before the Chinese New Year, my mother asked me, “How come the New Year greeting cards still aren't ready? Didn't you say that making them should be easy?”
I immediately lost my temper and fired back, “It takes time to learn no matter how easy it is! None of you learn anything. It's easier said than done!”
My mother became impatient, too. She said that I didn't have a good state of mind, and that I liked to show off my capabilities. “If you think it's unfair, then just don't do it. However, you shouldn't blame others,” she went on to say.
“I do it because I want to. I'm unhappy because you guys are lazy and not solid in what you do,” I said as I wiped my tears.
I looked inward later on and wondered why I felt things were unfair. I realized that in the end, I was holding on to cultivation in one hand and human things in the other. I thought it was unfair that I had no time to handle my ordinary things, yet other practitioners had time to handle their ordinary issues.
The other problem is loneliness. I have enjoyed being part of a group since I was very young. I sometimes felt that I was living in a temple after I took up Dafa cultivation. My heart would be affected once I saw some busy party scenes.
After I started joining the daily morning exercises, my mother all of a sudden stopped. She used to join in the exercises every day, but she now often slept through them. I felt quite lonely.
Another issue is that my ego inflated when doing Dafa projects. I even thought that I was more capable than others because I could learn a new skill very fast. There's a thin line between arrogance and brewing demons in one's own mind! No wonder Master directly pointed out my shortcomings in my dream.
I was only able to find a few items after searching high and low in my dream. I was able to make those few items due to the wisdom Dafa bestowed upon me. What is there to be arrogant about?
I looked inward again and saw my intolerance. If there's a black spot on a piece of white paper, all I see is the black spot. Yet most of the paper is white.
I urged myself to look inward more instead of focusing on other practitioners' problems. No good cultivators are arrogant. My arrogance shows my low cultivation level.
After I enlightened to the above, I realized that my view was not correct. I used to think that fellow practitioners unloaded tasks on me and did nothing. However, after I got rid of my notions, I noticed that others started to work on our projects with me and didn't leave me to learn new skills alone.
I realized that all along it was me who had a problem!
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