Resentment and Feeling Wronged Stem from “Selfishness”

(Minghui.org) While I was making Chinese New Year scrolls a few weeks ago, a fellow coordinator said to me, “The couplets on your scrolls might help with reviving traditional Chinese culture, but they say nothing specific about Falun Dafa. It may be a waste of time, manpower, and resources.

"Why don't you write 'Falun Dafa is Good. Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance is Good' on the scrolls? That would be more effective in awakening the Chinese people.

“I suggest that instead of continuing with this project, you go out and talk to people about Falun Dafa and the Chinese Communist Party's (CCP) persecution.”

I was immediately full of resentment when I heard this suggestion, and I wanted to argue with him. All kinds of human thoughts emerged, such as:

“I'm not spending your money. It is my money so I can spend it any way I want. Why are you telling me how to spend my money? You have no idea what I have sacrificed this month to make these scrolls.”

“I usually spend part of my monthly salary to make informational materials about Falun Dafa. This month, however, I used every penny to buy these materials, so I have nothing left to buy myself groceries.

“I took leftover food from the cafeteria at work every day this month, saying I needed it to feed the dog. I actually ate the leftovers myself in the morning and evening, and gave what I didn't eat to the dog. When there are no leftovers in the cafeteria, the dog and I go hungry. And here you are, criticizing me and my work.”

I was so offended, that I felt tears welling up in my eyes.

I later thought more about my feelings, and realized that my true self did not feel wronged, and that it was “selfishness,” the part of my life from the old universe, that felt that way. Master Li said,

“... you should consider others first, so as to attain the righteous Enlightenment of selflessness and altruism.” (“Non-Omission in Buddha-Nature” from Essentials for Further Advancement)

I held back the tears and looked inward. Why did I feel wronged when the coordinator criticized me and accused me of wasting resources? I discovered that “I” felt hurt because someone did not recognize the sacrifices that “I” made, and “I” became resentful and felt wronged. “I” should have been praised and not criticized. “I” wanted to hear compliments.

I was attached to the “self” and thought that the world revolved around me. I put “myself” before everything, including Dafa. Although I was working on projects to help people understand Falun Dafa, I was actually trying to prove “myself.”

Reflecting further, I realized that when sharing with practitioners, I often talked about “myself,” how well “I” did the three things, what “I” did to help practitioners and to improve the projects, and “my” understandings of the Fa principles.

I have written and submitted numerous sharing articles, which were mostly about “my” achievements, showing off “my” diligent side but covering up “my selfishness.” I did not realize that I was just a small and insignificant particle of the Fa, and I failed to assimilate myself to the Fa.

As practitioners, we have responsibilities to the Fa. If it were not for Master and Dafa, I would not even exist. My wisdom, ability, and wealth were all provided by Master. Master gave me so much, and I am merely using a small portion of what was given to me to help with Dafa projects.

I am still attached to money. When I compare myself to an elderly couple who has practiced for many years, their simple lifestyle puts me to shame. And, until now, I was not even aware that I had been “claiming credit for other people's achievements.”

I noticed that other practitioners used the scrolls as an opportunity to talk to people about Falun Dafa. They have persuaded more than a dozen people a day to quit the Communist Party. So why did the coordinator tell me that my scroll was not effective?

I realized that it was because my thoughts were not based on the Fa principles, and I had too many negative thoughts. When I looked at the scroll designs on the Minghui website, my first thought was that the designs about Falun Dafa were too obvious, and people would not want to hang them. Or the messages were too explicit, and people would not accept them. My thoughts were not righteous and my heart was not pure, so how could I awaken anyone?

Once I reached the above understandings, I shared them with the coordinator. When I raised my level of understanding, I was able to let go of all resentment toward the coordinator.