(Minghui.org) Many children of Falun Dafa practitioners started to practice with their parents. I began cultivation at the same time as my mother when I was a child. However, I lost my way for almost ten years seeking fame, money and pursuing romance. I became deeply disappointed with my life.
Teacher did not give up on me while I was pursuing social gains. In fact, I had several opportunities to return to cultivation.
Persecution Did Not Stop Me from Cultivation
Improving one's character and letting go of attachments are requirements for cultivators. When a cultivator truly understands the Buddha law, the mind is filled with hope and joy. At this stage in cultivation, whether a person is successful in society or not really doesn't matter.
My mother was arrested and we were both imprisoned. For most people this would be enough to make them stop practicing. Some of my family members and friends could not understand why I insisted on continuing to practice. A few of my relatives thought that the cause of my problem was Dafa, and that I would be better off giving it up.
My mother and I were confronted with the persecution and the accusations and complaints from friends and relatives, who were supporters of Falun Dafa before the persecution. However, their misunderstandings of the cause of our misery put them in real danger because of the way they thought about Dafa. It was really tough for me to face these problems.
Whenever I could read Zhuan Falun, the explanations given in the book purified my mind. That was how I survived those tough days. Knowing the truth had given me the power to calmly face the pressure of the persecution. Of course, I realize that Teacher shouldered much more than I did.
Many times I was on the verge of breaking down, but my determination to stick with the Fa saved me. I had certainly given up many worldly things knowing that I would benefit in other ways. What really helped was to focus on studying the Fa and sending forth righteous thoughts. My ability to hold up under tough circumstances encouraged fellow practitioners. At that time I truly believed that if I were to lose my life, it would not matter.
Seeking Comfort and Avoiding Hardship Can Cause Practitioners Harm
The old forces tried to destroy my determination to cultivate. They provided support to the notion that I should look for a better life full of comfort. Not only that, I should try to avoid the persecution.
I did not look for a job when I returned home. As my friends started to get married, I started to yearn for their new lifestyle. I began to wish that I could get married and have a more comfortable life.
I was old enough to get married, and my friends and relatives thought I should get married, too. The old forces sent just the right person and we started dating. I completely forgot my obligation to save sentient beings and why I came to this world. I fell in love with an everyday person. Eventually, I did what a cultivator should not do and gave way to lust. I was ashamed and I could not forgive myself. Regret did not help or change the situation.
Back to Practice
I was overwhelmed by self-condemnation and indecision as to what path I should take. One option was to marry the person I liked and live a normal life without the fear of persecution. The other was to give up on marriage and continue with cultivation, taking the risk of being persecuted again.
The following thoughts frequently went through my head: “Lust is taboo for cultivators. What will the old forces do to me if I return to cultivation? Being a cultivator means I could be persecuted and live a tough life. Can Teacher accept me given these circumstance.”
I had been thinking about what I should do for quite some time. Then, one day I read ,
“I don’t like it when you blame yourselves, it’s completely pointless. I’ll just repeat what I said: If you’ve fallen don’t just lie there, get up right away!”(“Explaining the Fa During the 2003 Lantern Festival at the U.S. West Fa Conference”)
Master also said,
“Indeed, as long as there's still one day when the persecution hasn't ended, that day is an opportunity. Use it well, do better, come back sooner, and don't miss any more opportunities.”(“Touring North America to Teach the Fa in 2002”)
This was a big wake-up call for me and I cried. I knew what I needed to do, which was to focus on my cultivation. Teacher was interested only in my progress, not my past mistakes. However, I also needed to refrain from committing any more wrongdoing. I decided to accept whatever Teacher had arranged for me, which could include giving up my life. I negated everything arranged by the old forces.
Sharing with Other Young Practitioners
There are many young fellow practitioners facing similar issues. I hope my experiences can help them. The old force notion of self-condemnation is brewing in many practitioners. Other negative thoughts such as, “You can't have this thought or the old forces will persecute you,” will cause trouble for practitioners.
Teacher said, “Old notions are all obstacles” (“The Vow Made to the Divine Shall be Fulfilled” from Hong Yin III)
We should focus on doing better and minimize the impact of our mistakes free of fear. We should not believe that the old forces will use our mistakes to persecute us. If that happens, we are following the logic of the old forces.
We are not trying to meet the standard set by the old forces, nor do we want to do well in order to avoid persecution. We are here to assimilate to the Fa and that is all. Should we fail to conform to the Fa in some way, we need to re-adjust ourselves to conform to the standard. We should not think that the old forces are now after us because we made an error.
I have often thought, “Why am I here on earth?” After going through many trials and tribulations, I now realize that I am here on a mission to save sentient beings, to stand for righteousness, and to be a Dafa disciple.
I hope my experience will help those who have wanted to give up after making a mistake in cultivation or who are in the habit of self-condemnation. Evil spirits have been trying to lead us astray in many ways, and marriage is one of the weapons they use against young practitioners. I am not against marriage, but finding someone who has the same values is helpful.
We are quite different from ordinary people. The attitudes we have toward worldly problems, our moral standards, and our goals are different from an everyday person's. How could a marriage last when the values and goals of the couple are so different?
The life of a cultivator is a life that has been rearranged by Teacher. As a disciple we should know that we are on the best path towards consummation and that there is nothing to worry about. When we encounter a problem, we only need to verify whether our plan is in line with the Fa and how it might impact saving sentient beings.
I hope we can do better and save more sentient beings.
