(Minghui.org) I was motivated to start practicing Falun Dafa due to my many illnesses. Soon after beginning the practice, I regained my health. When the persecution first started, my husband and family vehemently opposed my cultivation practice. But after I took my focus off them and truly looked within at my own shortcomings, they gradually started to change. Through this process, I finally learned what it means to cultivate one's xinxing. Below is my experience.
I used to be an obstinate and impatient person, which contributed to my poor health. I suffered from heart disease, nephritis and arthritis for many years. I looked like a person in my 60s, even though I was only in my 40s. I was unable to do any work.
A friend of mine said: “Falun Dafa has shown amazing results in curing illness. Many people are practicing, and it doesn't cost any money.” I decided to give it a try.
Being Cleansed During the Initial Stage of Cultivation
One morning in July 1997, I walked by a plaza. It was 3 o'clock in the morning, but to my amazement, there were more than 100 people practicing Dafa exercises. I joined in. When I was doing the second exercise, everything went black and I fainted.
Four assistants rushed over and asked, “What happened to you?” I replied: “I feel unwell. I can't see anything and feel very sick.” One of them said: “Don't be afraid. It may be because your inborn quality is good and Master is cleansing your body right away.”
I vomited a lot of liquid and also had diarrhea. I thought, “I did not eat or drink yet, so where did all this liquid come from?” After this agonizing experience, my mind became very clear, and my body felt light. I can never forget that wondrous feeling. I realized that Falun Dafa was not an ordinary practice.
I persisted in doing the exercises every day. An assistant said, “You must read the Dafa book, too.” I held a copy of Zhuan Falun in my hands and looked at Master's photo. He seemed very familiar, but I did not remember seeing Master before. I made up my mind to start studying the Fa.
As I continued to study, I started to feel inexplicably sad and could not control my tears. They seemed to be coming from deep within my heart, but I did not know exactly why I cried. Then I suddenly realized that Falun Dafa was a very profound practice of mind and body in the Buddha School.
After cultivating for three months, all of my illnesses disappeared, and I looked younger.
My factory manager said, “How did you become younger?” I told her that I practiced Falun Dafa. She said: “What a good practice it must be! I should practice, too.” However, the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) started the persecution before she was able to learn the practice.
Some CCP officials asked my manager, “Is there anyone who practices Falun Dafa in your factory?” She said no, but in fact, there were three practitioners there. She knew that Falun Dafa was good and wanted to protect us.
From Looking Outward to Looking Within
Personal cultivation changed to Fa-rectification period cultivation after July 20, 1999, when the persecution began. Now practitioners had to resist the persecution while validating the Fa. At that time, my xinxing was very poor, and I always seemed to be preoccupied with other people's problems.
When I felt that another practitioner was in the wrong, I would recite a paragraph from one of Master's lectures to him or her and feel really good about it. Actually, I did not truly know how to cultivate.
In the past, I would not back down if I felt that I was correct. Now that I cultivated, however, I had to follow Master's teaching: “... one should not fight back when being punched or insulted.” (Zhuan Falun)
I understood the Fa principles, but could not act on them. When my husband was angry, he would smash plates, bowls and the rice cooker and even hit me sometimes. I developed resentment toward him, and we would fight and swear at each other.
I became fed up and could no longer withstand the pressure from society and my own family. I felt very confused, bitter, tired and wronged.
One day while studying the Fa, I read Master's words:
“I don’t think strength is necessarily reflected in a person’s outward expression. If in your daily life you’re like a gentle, true woman, your competence will let you have everything you deserve all the same. You don’t necessarily have to express yourself in tough and manly ways to obtain those things. Do you understand what I’m getting at? (Applause)
“In other words, if you’re a woman, you must act like one, and be kind and gentle. Only then can you gain respect and love from men. If you aren’t kind and gentle, men will be afraid of you when they see you, (laughter) and you won’t be able to have the love or even the family affection that you’re supposed to have.” (“Teaching the Fa at the Eastern U.S. Fa Conference”)
I was shocked and I cried. I said in my heart: “Master, I do not even know how to be an ordinary person. I'm even worse at being a cultivator.”
I slowly started to awaken. Initially, when my husband got angry, I would be tolerant, but couldn't let go of the resentment in my heart. I felt sad, thinking that cultivation was really hard.
I asked myself: “Am I truly a Dafa disciple? Did I come to this world just to listen to some nice words?”
I made up my mind that I had to change and let go of all resentment toward my husband.
Once, my husband overheard a few people talking. They didn't understand the truth and said that Falun Dafa was into politics and very bad. When my husband came home, he was furious; his whole face seemed distorted. It was very scary.
I thought, “I must handle this well.”
At that moment, Master's Fa came to mind:
“Thus, when you encounter a conflict, I would say that it is to transform your black substance into the white substance, de.” (Zhuan Falun)
I tolerated the incident without complaint. When my husband saw that I did not respond, he stopped swearing.
Subsequently, I no longer thought of changing him. Instead, I've worked on changing myself. I now require myself to follow the standards of the Fa. As a result, my husband is changing, too, and no longer smashes things or swears. Sometimes, he even helps to wash the dishes.
Once, I learned that some CCP agents were plotting to come and ransack my house. Another practitioner offered to take all of my truth-clarification materials.
My husband told her: “Do not take these things to others. We cannot leave them at risk.” He was not afraid, and there was no resentment. In the end, the agents did not come.
I came to realize that my husband braved all kinds of pressure from society, yet he still encouraged me to move forward in my practice. Did I previously consider his feelings? If it were me in his place, how would I have reacted?
When I changed my mindset, I was unable to recall the bad things he had done.
This same idea relates to conflict with other practitioners. My eyes would always be fixed on their shortcomings. Now I no longer fall into this trap and finally know to look within.
For example, one time I realized that a new practitioner often played poker. I attempted to stop her, saying: “Dafa disciples should not play poker. Let me study the Fa with you instead.” She gave me a reluctant look.
When studying the Fa, she became very sleepy and could not open her eyes. I joked and said, “You would not feel sleepy if you were playing poker.” She said, “Yes, I wouldn't feel sleepy because there would be many people there.”
I became a little anxious and said: “There are so many things in this human world that are tempting people, and you can't even let go of such a small thing. How are you going to cultivate?”
She became unhappy upon hearing this. When I saw that she could not accept my words, I immediately looked within. I realized that I was reacting emotionally and forcing my understandings upon her.
I recalled Master's words:
“I have not only taught you Dafa, but have also left you my demeanor. While working, your tone of voice, your kindheartedness, and your reasoning can change a person’s heart, whereas commands never could! (“Clearheadedness” in Essentials for Further Advancement)
After making amends, I was able to easily resolve the conflict. This small matter made me understand that we cannot be anxious when we encounter problems. We must possess a stable heart that will not be moved.
Category: Improving Oneself
