Treasuring the Opportunity to Cultivate and Being Responsible to Myself
(Minghui.org) During my over 10 years of cultivation, I have deeply felt that Master is taking all his students as his disciples. He looks after us and protects us every moment. Master truly treasures us, even more than we do ourselves.
A few years ago, I made and distributed truth clarification CDs and flyers with another practitioner. We studied the Fa, did the exercises, and sent forth righteous thoughts together. Since we spent so much time together every day, some sentiments developed between us. Cultivation is so serious, and the old forces are always watching us. One night we were illegally arrested while distributing flyers.
When the detention center gate closed behind me, Master's words came to my mind: “I know all of the suffering of my disciples. The truth is, I treasure you more than you treasure yourselves!” (“Eliminate Your Last Attachment(s)” in Essentials for Further Advancement II) I knew that, on the surface, I was arrested when I was distributing the flyers. In fact, it was because I had loopholes in my cultivation, and they were used by the old forces. "Master, I was wrong! From now on I am going to walk on the right path!"
I refused to wear the detention center uniform and insisted on doing the exercises and sending forth righteous thoughts. I also persuaded about half of the inmates to quit the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) and its affiliated organizations.
I knew a lot of poems from the Tang and Song dynasties. So I started to teach others those poems; then I taught them Dafa poems. Some of them had very good comprehension. Once I taught a girl the poem “Dafa's Journey” from Hong Yin Vol. II. I was afraid she wouldn't understand:
“Persecution he resistsSentient beings he savesJourneying the path of godhood”
To my surprise, she said, “You all are great! You resist the persecution and at the same time save the sentient beings!” I was surprised and touched to hear that.
When newcomers asked why I didn’t wear the uniform, some would tell them, “She is a Falun Dafa practitioner!” Or if someone asked why I didn’t have to work, they would say, “She didn’t commit any crimes!” Dafa has grand power. Often it’s our human notions that restrain its power.
One guard said to me, “Stop doing the exercises every day. The cell will be sealed if you keep it up. Then everyone in the cell (over 30 people) will blame you.” To "seal a cell" means that no one in the cell is allowed to purchase any food or toiletries, and the time-out period will be extended.
I felt that true compassion was to help them understand that practitioners are innocent. They would have a bright future if they had a positive attitude towards Dafa. So I refused to comply.
A guard yelled at me, “Stop it!” when I did the exercises one day. So I ran to the door of the cell and shouted, “Falun Dafa is great! Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance is great!”
The guard was stunned and stepped back. She said, “You are not allowed to do the exercises.” I said, “I didn’t do anything bad. It’s great to practice Falun Dafa. Why is it not allowed?” She said, “You are a criminal here! You have to listen to us!” I said, “I didn’t commit any crimes!” She asked, “Why are you here if you didn’t commit any crimes? Do you dare to step out if I open the door?” I stared straight into her eyes and said clearly, “If you dare to open the door, I dare to leave!” We stared at each other for a couple of minutes. The cell was extremely quiet. Then she turned around and left.
After that, no one ever bothered me when I did the exercises. The guards stayed in their office if they saw me doing the exercises on the monitor.
The inmate on duty always woke me up at midnight to send forth righteous thoughts. Our cell was never sealed. From all that happened, I realized that, as long as we take ourselves as true practitioners and follow Master’s requirements, all problems will be solved easily.
I was sentenced to eight years and later transferred to another prison. Once a lead guard asked me, “Don’t you think you have devoted too much to Falun Dafa?” I said, “I learned how to be a good person by following Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance. My spirit has been purified. I have become a particle of Dafa; I am not devoting anything. I am doing what I’m supposed to do.”
The team lead and the section lead often chatted with me. So I told them about Dynaweb, the uncensored Internet portal, and the Nine Commentaries on the Communist Party. One of them often chatted with me when she could find time. Before I was transferred yet again, she said to me, “From the perspective of my job, I have failed because I can’t 'transform' you. But from my personal perspective, it’s society’s loss that good people like you are arrested.”
Later I was transferred to another prison. I knew that, as long as I was detained, it was humiliating to Dafa. Master said:
“Some students suggest that the best practice of cultivation is to get placed into a detention center or a labor camp, or get sentenced to jail in order to validate the Fa. Students, it is not so. Stepping forward to validate the Fa using many different approaches is a magnificent act, but this absolutely does not mean that you have to be arrested by the evil. If that were the case, why would those students who step forward to make appeals demand the release of all those innocent students who have been arrested, detained, sent to labor camps, or sentenced to jail?” (“Rationality” in Essentials for Further Advancement II)
I enlightened that practitioners are not supposed to be in prison. I had this thought every day: "I am Master's disciple. I will walk the path that Master arranges and completely deny the existence and arrangements of the old forces." Gradually I felt that Master unlocked my wisdom.
Then I had severe “illness symptoms.” On my way to the hospital, I sent forth righteous thoughts: “Master please help me.” The moment I stepped into the lobby of the hospital, I clearly felt that Master had led the righteous gods to fill the space in the hospital. Tears ran down my cheeks. During the exam, I clearly felt that Master was right beside me. I truly experienced how fortunate it is to be looked after by Master's great compassion.
I used righteous thoughts to communicate with the doctors and the medical equipment. I was deemed a “High-risk patient. Allowed to apply for medical parole.” The prison authorities notified my family and tried to force me to give up cultivation by enticing me with medical parole.
I knew clearly that I had been given this opportunity because Master endured a tremendous amount for me. I knew I couldn't leave any defect in my cultivation. I refused to give up practicing, and my “illness symptoms” got worse and worse. My family member who is also a practitioner repeatedly asked the prison director to release me. Fellow practitioners around the world called and wrote to the prison. Many fellow practitioners came to send forth righteous thoughts near the prison.
Although I was very weak and in bed, I didn't sleep. I was reciting the Fa in my head, sending forth righteous thoughts, and looking for my attachments. It was lust that made me fall. I also had attachments to profits and laziness. I am intelligent, so I liked to show off. I was also competitive and always thought I was right and better than others. This was very much a result of being raised in the Communist Party culture. I dug out my attachments one by one and eliminated them one by one.
The prison guards took me to the hospital several times. I refused to answer the doctor's questions and only said, “I was forced to come here. I will not agree to any medical treatment.” The doctor said, “Her situation is very serious, and she refuses to cooperate. We can't risk being held responsible.” So the hospital refused to accept me and I was taken back to the prison. The guards ordered me to write a statement that they were not at fault if my life was in danger. I said, “I am not a criminal. There is no need for me to write any statement to guarantee anything.”
Another time the guards took me to the hospital because they thought I was very “sick.” They had a few prisoners hold me down and tried to insert an IV. At that time my only thought was that I would never let them succeed. My head was filled with the formulas for sending forth righteous thoughts. Soon I felt the whole room was filled with the formulas. The moment they started to insert the needle, I grabbed all the tubing and destroyed it. Everyone in the room was shocked. At that time I was very weak and weighed only about 80 lbs.
The last time I was taken to the hospital, the doctor said, “How come it's her again? Ask her if she is going to cooperate.” I said, “I absolutely won't!” My team lead said, “The prison director already told the hospital director that it's OK if you don't treat her. As long as you just keep her here, it's fine.” I kept sending forth righteous thoughts and asking for Master's help. Finally the doctor stood up, opened the door, and shouted, “Leave! We are not going to be held responsible!” We were kicked out of the hospital.
On the surface, it seemed like the evil failed so many times that it finally allowed me to take medical parole. But I believe:
Because I didn't take cultivation seriously, I spent four years in prison. That was a very bitter lesson. I will learn from this lesson and treasure Master's great sacrifice forever. I will also treasure what fellow practitioners have done for me.