Discovering My Attachments When Sending Forth Righteous Thoughts
(Minghui.org) Although I can usually identify my attachments easily, I often lack the willpower to relinquish them. Recently, Master allowed me to see my attachments in other dimensions when I sent forth righteous thoughts, and this encouraged me to quickly abandon those ugly things.
One day I had an issue with another practitioner, and I suddenly felt a strong surge of jealousy. I immediately knew that I must eliminate it.
That evening during the global time to send forth righteous thoughts, I felt awful about being jealous. I began to send a strong thought to eliminate it. Suddenly I saw a small purple figure sitting on a desk, and its ugly body made me feel sick. The little figure’s face resembled my face, but its twisted expression was jealous.
The little figure was throwing dark substances all over the place. The dirty and sticky stuff was making a mess of the otherwise spotlessly clean room. I realized that jealousy hurts not only myself, but also hurts the people around me.
After I began to send my strongest righteous thoughts to destroy it, the little figure's body exploded, but its face still looked angry. Finally, part of its body transformed into a dark sticky liquid. In the end, I felt peaceful and free of jealousy. Afterwards, I couldn't even remember why I was jealous.
After that day, my jealousy was almost gone. It would sometimes still come back, but as soon as I would feel it, I would quickly destroy it with righteous thoughts.
In the last several days, I've been sleeping too much. While I enjoyed staying in bed, I also knew this wasn't right for a cultivator. I was losing my focus on doing the three things, and I began to be disturbed by sexual desires.
While I listened to other students chatting at school, one talked about how he flirted with other girls behind his girlfriend's back. I felt disgusted. I also began to comment on people’s appearances. I began to experience thought karma over people’s curse words. Since I could not expel those bad thoughts quickly, my efforts to clarify the truth were being negatively affected. When I was encouraging a classmate to quit his association with the Communist Party, thick sputum formed in my throat. My voice became hoarse and I couldn't convince my classmate.
Recently I spent a lot of time on Facebook. I mostly use it to send truth-clarifying articles to friends. As my page attracted more people, my attachment to zealotry became stronger. A western older man told me how much he enjoyed my Shen Yun postings, so I exchanged some notes with him on this topic. Since I wanted to show off my knowledge, the man began to leave sexually explicit messages, he also posted a picture of a nude woman sculpture and told everyone to look at it. I became alarmed and felt bad, and I cut him from my contacts.
When I sat down and sent forth righteous thoughts, I had trouble staying focused. During the last five minutes, I suddenly saw a short haired man. His neck, shoulder and back were covered with ugly yellowish blisters. I felt terrible, and even my body felt itchy. My righteous thoughts could destroy some blisters, but the man was still visible. His face looked helpless. The image remained until I finished sending righteous thoughts.
My attachment to lust may have produced this, the sad man’s face showed me how pathetic I look when I'm overcome by sexual desires. Prior to that, I failed some lust tests in my dreams. My determination to relinquish my lust hadn't been strong enough.
I felt the man’s ugly blisters were symbolic of my dirty desires, and this image made me feel sick. I've have now become more determined to eliminate those bad things in my mind.
My sharing and level are limited. Please point out anything that is not appropriate.