Overcoming Notions and Cultivating with Pride and Dignity
(Minghui.org) I began practicing Falun Dafa in the fall of 1998. I have been happily cultivating for fourteen years. With Master’s boundless protection, I continue walking firmly on the path of Dafa despite the vicious persecution.
I obtained the Fa when I was thirty-six years old. Before that, I suffered from tubercular pleurisy, cervical spondylosis, arthritis, and kidney stones. I had to take medicines and was often hospitalized. I had a young child, and my husband often traveled out of town for business trips, thus my over 80-year-old mother-in-law came to live with us, and had to take care of me when I should have been taking care of her. My poor health also prohibited me from being more dedicated to my work, since I was frequently sick. Back then, I felt that life was hard and miserable.
One day, a colleague loaned me a copy of the book Zhuan Falun. After reading it once, for some inexplicable reason I was filled with happiness and joy. From then on, I began Falun Dafa cultivation practice. I spent all of my leisure time studying the Fa, and I read a minimum of three to four lectures each day. When it wasn't busy at work, I could finish reading the entire book in one day. I also read Master’s other lectures every two weeks. My brain was full of the Fa and nothing else.
Both at work and at home I measured my every action and thought in accordance with the Fa. The capacity of my mind was expanded, and all my illnesses disappeared. I was positive and happy every day, yet at the time I had only been cultivating in Dafa for over two months.
My family was thrilled that they no longer had to worry about my health. My colleagues were all amazed to see the changes in me, so they came to me for copies of Zhuan Falun .
A Practitioner is a Good Person Among Good People
As I kept studying the Fa I understood why I had suffered from various kinds of illnesses and miseries before cultivating in Dafa. Thus I treasured Dafa tremendously, and strictly disciplined myself according to the Dafa's requirements. At work, I took on tasks that others did not like to do, and did my best to do all my jobs well. I treated everything that happened to me as something positive, and tests to help me improve.
On one occasion I needed to prepare for a performance. When I asked a co-worker to work on a program, annoyed by my request, he said something very rude to me. I ignored his words and smiled. On our bus ride home after work that day, he was still quite angry with me and said many filthy things to me. My colleagues looked at me helplessly. Everyone at work knew that I was kind, and that I demonstrated the virtues of Dafa. My colleagues and work leaders respected me. That day though, in front of more than thirty colleagues, this man cursed at me during the entire bus ride.
Some of my co-workers murmured to me, “He's probably drunk, so just ignore him!” My heart was as peaceful as a river. I knew as a cultivator that everything happened for a reason. The next day the man was very apologetic when he saw me. I simply smiled at him as if nothing had happened.
I do all the household chores at home, including caring for my mother-in-law, our child, and my husband. They are all happy. My husband’s friends say that he's lucky to have a Falun Gong practitioner as his wife.
Facing the Evil Forces with Righteous Thoughts
The top management of my work unit banned Party members from practicing Falun Gong in the spring of 1999, and came to investigate. I wrote on their form, "Falun Dafa helps people to become healthy, improves moral standards, and I hope that people all over the world practice Falun Gong." They kept my statement in their records.
After the persecution started on July 20, 1999, I solemnly told my son in front of my husband, “Remember that Dafa is righteous, and that I will never give up practicing Dafa. If I'm tortured to death, please don’t be sad. You should be proud to have a Dafa disciple as your mother.” I had strong righteous thoughts while saying this because I knew what Dafa is.
I endlessly wept during those days because Master and Dafa were being slandered. Holding Master’s portrait, I said, “Master, I want you to know that I will use my actions to prove that Dafa is the most righteous.” From then on, I set my bar even higher according to Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance, and used every possible opportunity to clarify the facts to people.
After the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) released its fabricated “self-immolation” show on TV, the environment became even harsher. The supervisory authority of my work unit often criticized our unit's managerial personnel. Because I refused to denounce Falun Gong, the upper authority's 610 Office held two brainwashing sessions for me. I was detained for two months. Because he worked in a police station, my husband was criticized every day. He was later suspended from his job, and was told that as long as I was not "transformed," he would not be permitted to return.
My work unit suspended me as well. During this time, confused and poisoned by the regime, people speculated widely about what was happening to us. My husband’s siblings are mostly government officials. They hated me because they believed that I made them lose face. They tried to persuade my husband to divorce me, and told my son to quit school to threaten me. Living under heavy pressure, my husband changed. His temper worsened, he frequently got drunk, and he began abusing me, both physically and verbally. He did everything he could to force me to denounce Dafa.
Nonetheless, I was not moved. While I was locked up in the brainwashing center, one of my brother-in-laws came to see me, along with several of my colleagues. He was irritated that I would not listen to his advice, and thus hit my face in front of my colleagues. However, I felt no pain.
All my Dafa books were taken away by the persecutors except for one which was carefully hidden by my son. I had lost my cultivation environment, so I studied and copied the Fa whenever my husband was not home. I transcribed Zhuan Falun twice back then. Six months later, my work unit expelled me from the CCP since I remained steadfast in Dafa. I was also removed from my position and assigned a grassroots job which was usually done by the lowest class employee in the work unit. However, I happily took the job.
Cultivating with Pride and Dignity
Worried about me, the leaders in my work unit, and my family and friends told me that I should not talk about cultivating in Dafa when I went out, and if people asked, I should tell them that I had stopped. They told me that no one would care if I just practiced at home. I replied that it was impossible for me to follow their advice because Dafa had not done anything wrong. I asked them why I should hide if I was simply trying to be a good person? I denied all the wrongful accusations against Dafa and Master.
Whenever I could, I told people that Dafa had helped me to become healthy and illness free, that Dafa was being wrongfully accused, and that the Tiananmen Self-immolation was a fabricated plot. If police officers came to ask me to sign their documents, I wrote, “Falun Dafa is good! I will practice Falun Gong forever.” I also told them, “After practicing Falun Gong, I became very healthy, and you’re here to harass me. Where were you when I suffered from various illnesses?” After that, they no longer came to bother me.
As the eldest child in my family, I had to be the best among my peers since I was little. I was strongly attached to self-esteem, and would not tolerate it if I made any mistakes. Neither could I stand others finding fault with me. I still had this self-centered egotistic mentality when I began to cultivate.
The first time I was detained for a month, my brain seemed to be locked, free of notions. For a while, I felt as if I couldn't understand anything people said.
One day someone told me that my husband had a heart attack and was in the emergency room, but if I wanted to go see him, I needed to write a guarantee statement. I told the head of the brainwashing center that since it was impossible for me to denounce Dafa, I could write a fake statement. The head replied that he would accept the fake one. Thus I wrote that fake statement, and was released after my family paid 5000 yuan.
After I saw my husband, I realized that I had been lied to, because he was fine. I hated him, but realized that I should not have any hatred. I felt miserable, and knew that I should not let them keep the fake statement that I wrote. I went to work the next day and talked to the head of my work unit, who was happy to see me. He thought I was there to rewrite the statement for real this time. He returned the fake statement to me, and I crossed out all the words I had written. Enraged, he roared that he would not permit me to go back to work until I stopped practicing Falun Gong. I told myself that I did not care whether I worked or not.
I nonetheless could not forget about the fake statement that I wrote. I believed that I had done wrong to Master and Dafa, and was regretful for that action. That thought of guilt weighed heavily on my mind, which gave the evil forces an opportunity to magnify my attachment, making me feel depressed and hopeless. They made me have nightmares to destroy my determination. Those days were extremely miserable for me.
Then Master sent hints to help me. One day I dreamed that even though I was lying horizontally on top of water, I did not sink. After I got up, my clothes were not even wet, but there were only a few pieces of ice on my back. I finally enlightened that Master was still taking care of me, and He was encouraging me to shake off the guilt and become strong again.
I asked myself why I had almost lost hope. I found that because of my habitual desire to be the best, and my strong pursuit of being perfect, I would not allow myself to make any mistakes, nor did I like hearing others criticize me. In other words, I was simply being “selfish.” The attachments were formed in this lifetime, and I knew that I could not cultivate with such attachments. What human being does not make mistakes? It was fine for me to make mistakes as long as I corrected them. I thus was able to lay down the heavy load I carried within, and I immediately felt very relieved. I vowed not be moved by others’ comments about me, good or bad. It felt as if I was no longer living in the everyday world.
Dafa Disciples Really Have Abilities
Master said, “Dafa Disciples’ Righteous Thoughts are Powerful.” (Essentials for Further Advancement II) My son and I went back to my parents’ home one day in 2001. The train ride was about 24 hours long. My son and I had a bottom level bunk, and an engineer-looking man had the middle bed above ours. He was in his fifties, and was traveling with a young man who was in the middle level bed opposite ours. I was reading Zhuan Falun when the young man asked me, “That book you’re reading is Zhuan Falun , right?” I said yes. He asked, “Hasn’t the government banned Falun Gong?” I replied, “The government is wrong. Falun Gong has been wrongfully accused.”
At that moment, the middle-aged man poked his head out and saw that I was indeed reading Zhuan Falun . He immediately came down from his bed, sat on my bed, and began talking to me. I calmly told him that Falun Dafa taught me Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance, and because of that, my moral standards were elevated, and I also became very healthy. I also told him the changes I experienced both mentally and physically after I began practicing Falun Gong. Since I spoke reasonably and rationally, he became silent.
But all of a sudden, he grinned. At that moment, his facial expression was vicious, his eyes exposed desire of lust, and a chill hit me. I felt very uncomfortable. I knew that some bad substance was attacking me, so I said in my heart, “The Fa rectifies heaven and earth, immediate retribution in this lifetime.” After I said it once, he suddenly jumped off my bed, and anxiously strolled back and forth not daring to look at me. After I said the verses again, he blushed and became very awkward. No longer able to stay there, he suddenly left.
About two hours later, he returned and acted as though he were a naughty child who had done something mischievous. As I began to talk, he respectfully listened. I told him that he and the young man should say “Falun Dafa is good, Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance is good,” and positive things would happen to them. They promised that they would say it. When we arrived, they helped us carry our luggage, and even wanted to carry the luggage for us to our destination. They repeatedly thanked me, and said that it was their honor to have traveled with us. I knew that they had been saved. Thanks to Dafa’s mighty virtue and Master’s mercy!
My Environment Changed When I Began Doing the Three Things Well
After I was transferred to the grass-roots job, I was able to meet many people. Those who knew me asked, “You’re our supervisor?” After I told them the reason and the truth, they were both surprised and respectful. We live in a small town with a small population. Although I don't know everyone well, I do know everyone. Many people knew that I am a Falun Gong practitioner. They respected me and my integrity, and thus it was easier for me to clarify the facts to them.
After the Nine Commentaries on the Communist Party was published in late 2004, I downloaded the document, copied it, and gave it to friends. I also copied it on my company computer to show it to my colleagues, and helped them quit the CCP. I later collaborated with a fellow practitioner who made copies, and I carried them with me everywhere I went. On my way to and from work, and while shopping, I gave copies to people I met. Whenever I had the opportunity, I helped people quit the CCP for their safety.
I've begun buying USB flash drives and uploading the Nine Commentaries onto them. I give them to managerial personnel and educated people. It seems that these people like to read it. I've also mailed the facts about the persecution to law enforcement agencies and institutions, as well as companies and government agencies.
I have been cultivating with my abilities locked, and hence I don't know what kind of supernormal abilities I have. Thus I did not pay much attention to sending forth righteous thoughts in the early days. After Master gave me hints, I was enlightened that I had not been doing a good job, and felt ashamed of myself. Along with doing the three things, I gradually let go of my attachments, and thus my environment also became better.
Since I solidly follow Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance in my life, people around me all see it, and thus they quietly respect me. Many have said, “You’re becoming prettier and prettier after practicing Falun Gong. Even though you’re in your fifties, you look like in you're in your thirties. We all admire you.” Many people came to me to ask for copies of Zhuan Falun , and expressed a wish to learn Falun Gong. I also sent forth righteous thoughts frequently to eliminate the vicious spirits that controlled my husband. Since then, his attitude has also changed. He quit the CCP, and also admitted his mistakes in front of Master’s portrait.
I have shared only a portion of my cultivation experiences. With Master’s protection, I've been able to make it through to today. There are no words to express my deep gratitude to Master. The best thing I can do now is to make the best use the limited time left to do the three things well, and accomplish my historic mission to fulfill my vow. Heshi.