(Minghui.org) Last year I developed sickness karma symptoms suddenly, and truly felt that I was on the verge of death. I had a nagging feeling that the old forces had somehow gotten ahold of my fundamental omissions and were ready to charge at me at any time. I managed to pull through the tribulation, yet was still at a loss as to why this happened to me in the first place.

After reading the Minghui editorial, “Giving Speeches Amounts to Disrupting the Fa,” which was published this year, I was stunned by the stern warnings, and came to the immediate realization that I had made a terrible mistake about seven years ago when I organized the special sessions mentioned in the editorial and later brought tremendous losses to my fellow practitioners.

I would like to share my hard-learned lessons with everyone to serve as a warning for fellow practitioners. I hope that we can all cherish the opportunity Master gives us and walk well the last leg of our journey.

I Organized the 2005 Series of Speeches in Changchun

After a group of Falun Gong practitioners intercepted the Changchun cable TV network to broadcast truth-clarifying programs on March 5, 2002, police in Changchun, Jilin Province initiated a mass-arrest campaign and raided almost all major truth-clarification materials sites. We thus worked hard to establish small-scale, family-run materials sites instead. By the fall of 2004, we were pleased to see such sites blooming everywhere in Changchun, and figured it was time to also have small Fa-study groups set up in every corner of the city. To achieve this goal, we needed to share with each other on the importance of Fa-study groups.

Around that time we saw an article published on Minghui that talked about how practitioners in Heilongjiang Province had improved as a whole body, and we were greatly inspired. It just so happened that some practitioners in Jilin City, Jilin Province brought three Heilongjiang practitioners to visit us. The three Heilongjiang practitioners briefed us on how they coordinated with each other, and they showed us their organizational chart of coordinators.

One week later, Jilin City practitioners invited us to visit them back and attend an “experience sharing conference for coordinators.” When the five of us Changchun coordinators got there, we were surprised to see the three Heilongjiang practitioners we met the week before.

Close to forty coordinators from Jilin, Changchun, and Heilongjiang gathered at a restaurant to have the meeting. Soon, arguments broke out. Changchun coordinators felt this was a great safety hazard, and urged that we dismiss the meeting right away. That night, the five of us Changchun coordinators took the three Heilongjiang practitioners back to Changchun for further experience sharing. They told us how they organized coordinators to carry out Fa-validation projects, but we didn’t feel their organizational structure fit Changchun well. We reminded each other to treat the Fa as teacher and blaze our own path in Changchun.

After having the three Heilongjiang practitioners share with us a few times in 2004, a few of us Changchun coordinators had differing opinions on whether we should continue such sharing. Since we couldn’t come to an agreement, we put a stop to this activity. Unfortunately we developed barriers among us, and the discord lasted seven years until the recent publication of the Minghui editorial.

In May 2005, coordinator Wang Weidong and I began to think about the Heilongjiang practitioners again and had a thought for them to cover the entire city of Changchun. We were able to invite practitioner X to come, and in just over two months we held about twenty “experience sharing conferences.” Every time we made sure that at least two of our Changchun coordinators were present to gauge the contents of the experience sharing.

The “conferences” took various forms. Sometimes our local coordinators hosted, having the audience ask questions before offering answers. Other times we just let people share with each other. Most of the time, however, it was practitioner X who talked about how their Heilongjiang practitioners organized everyone to do various projects. A few times he even played a video of how they celebrated Master’s birthday. We disagreed with such celebratory activities since we felt it was not safe at all.

We were invited to attend an “experience sharing conference” in August 2005, organized by Li Hongkui, former Heilongjiang Dafa Cultivation Center director. About 30-40 coordinators from Heilongjiang Province, Changchun City, and Jilin City attended the gathering.

After this meeting, the few of us Changchun coordinators felt that we had achieved our goal of mobilizing everyone to join group Fa-study, and as such we should stop these “experience sharing conferences” right away. Any more would result in an unstable and unsafe cultivation environment. We politely asked practitioner X to go back to Heilongjiang and resume his own cultivation.

We didn’t, however, see the looming damage.

“Speech Series” Resulted in Disastrous Losses

A large number of practitioners in Heilongjiang were arrested on September 23, 2005, while attending an “experience sharing conference.” The victims included two of the three Heilongjiang practitioners who came to us in 2004, including practitioner X, who was sentenced, and a woman, who was soon tortured to death. Li Hongkui escaped the mass arrest but was arrested at a later time. He died in 2012.

Changchun police raided a local Fa-study group on October 28, 2005, and arrested every attendee, including a mother and her son, who were both tortured to death within two weeks. A coordinator who helped with the 2005 speech series was also sent to a labor camp.

My fellow coordinator Wang Weidong died of sickness karma on November 5, 2006.

Another coordinator, Luo Shuchun, died on December 13, 2006, while trying to evade police arrest. I couldn’t forgive myself for the fact that I forgot to warn her of recent police harassment when prompted by another practitioner the night before.

Amid all the arrests however, Wang Yuhuan organized speech series in Changchun again, only to dampen the damaging effects.

More than fifty practitioners were arrested on May 9, 2005, while attending such conferences. Practitioner G (a coordinator of the 2005 speech series) went to stop the conferences, but he was arrested, videotaped, and sentenced.

On April 22, 2008, practitioner G was arrested while clarifying the facts. The police followed him to a Fa-study group and arrested four practitioners. Zhao and Bai were sent to labor camps, while practitioner G and Yue were sentenced to prison.

Looking Within to Find the Cause for What Happened

In retrospect, we did well in getting small-scale materials sites set up everywhere from 2002 to 2004. Without trying to publicize our achievements, we just worked hard and solidly, and Master naturally showed us the results. After all, it was Master who was doing everything. We just needed to have the wish to do things.

If we had followed the same thinking in fall 2004, we would have walked on a path arranged by Master. However, we went the opposite way due to the following reasons.

1. We Failed to Position Ourselves Well in Relation to Master and Dafa

We had too strong a human mindset and failed to position ourselves well in relation to Master and Dafa. After savoring the success of the small-scale materials sites, our local coordinators (including me) gradually developed the attachment to doing things just for the purpose of doing things. We felt we could guide the direction of Fa-validation projects, and our egos were expanding blindly.

Though we reminded ourselves that the Heilongjiang Province model of setting up coordinators wouldn’t work for us, we were already idolizing them. When more and more coordinators began thinking this way, we actually put the “star” practitioner (or region) in harm’s way. When those Heilongjiang practitioners were arrested, we realized our blind adoration of them had played a role.

Since we never had trouble at the scene of any “experience sharing conferences,” we insisted they were of great help. When some local practitioners questioned us, we found that we had the heart of validating ourselves, but we brushed it off as no big deal. We failed to see the nature and consequences of organizing such speeches.

2. Exposing Warped Substances at Different Levels

I was the kind of person who always strove to be the very best. When it came to cultivation, I also had the thought of turning Changchun into the best environment, since it is a special area. My strong combative mentality, and jealousy, raised their ugly heads in my Fa-validating efforts and I ended up validating myself instead.

I still got the jitters every time the 2005 speech series was brought up, but I couldn’t help but defend myself. My attitude widened the barrier between myself and other practitioners and caused a lot of tension. The doubters were just trying to draw a lesson from large-scale experience sharing conferences held back in 2000 when a lot of coordinators were arrested and given heavy sentences. I, however, refused to listen.

Even though I tried to look within every time others questioned me, I always felt that there was a scary substance threatening me, yet I had no clue as to what it was. My knowing side often asked me whether I had overlooked one of my important and fundamental issues.

3. Speech Series Ruined the Stable Cultivation Environment

Not knowing what my fundamental problem was truly pained me during the past seven years. Looking within didn’t seem to help. I couldn’t understand why others would put the blame on me if all the “experience sharing conferences” I helped organize went on smoothly, and no one was arrested at the conferences. It was none of my business if someone got arrested later. Cultivation was about cultivating one’s own heart, and I thought, "Why should I be held responsible for other practitioners?"

This stubborn notion stopped me from digging further.

After studying the Minghui editorial “Giving Speeches Amounts to Disrupting the Fa,” and Master’s articles “A Heavy Blow,” “Bear in Mind Forever,” “Cultivators’ Avoidances,” and “Stability of the Fa,” I suddenly woke up to my terrible mistake.

Actually Master had warned us long ago of the danger of giving speeches, yet lack of Fa-study hindered me from having a deeper understanding of the Fa. I now see why those well-known local practitioners who went around giving speeches were persecuted so badly. Some were given heavy sentences, and a few died of torture. There are still some who refuse to awaken to their mistakes after enlightening along an evil path.

Our cultivation environment is created by Dafa disciples, under the guidance of Master. A stable environment can enable not-so-stable and not-so-mature practitioners to learn from each other and gradually become more mature. On the other hand, unstable environments can easily push unstable and immature practitioners to extremes, and make them unwittingly interfere with other people. Among the organizers of special sessions, some coordinators just got released from detention and needed a large amount of time to study the Fa and adjust their mindsets. There were also people who lacked solid cultivation and didn’t even know how to look within.

4. Lack of Persistent Fa-study was the Root Cause of Our Problem

I was able to study the Fa with a calm mind prior to 2004. But after late 2004, I became busy with Fa-validation projects and neglected to study the Fa. Sometimes I wondered if cultivation had reached a new milestone, why so many things didn’t go smoothly, and why there were big barriers between practitioners. As a matter of fact, I fell behind in Fa-study and slacked off in xinxing cultivation.

Getting Up After Stumbling

Upon learning of the mass arrest of Heilongjiang practitioners in September 2005, I immediately sent out a strong righteous thought that this persecution was totally wrong and was not recognized by Master. I was determined to not have the persecution spread to Changchun. I studied the Fa and sent forth righteous thoughts every day to negate the persecution. I felt a strong energy stabilizing Changchun and knew that Master’s protection and most practitioners’ righteous fields had mitigated the harm in Changchun.

After I stopped organizing the speech series in 2005, a few other people emerged to do the same thing. I would like to remind them to cherish the opportunity Master has given us. I urge them to make good use of this time to study the Fa well and assimilate to the Fa during their efforts to save sentient beings. Such a precious opportunity won’t come a second time. Master is watching, gods are watching, and practitioners' sentient beings are anticipating their return.

The process of writing this article was the deepest and broadest purging I’ve ever done since the beginning of my cultivation. I thank my fellow practitioners for pointing out my problems at different times. I thank Master for His boundless compassion!