(Minghui.org) I was most fortunate to begin practicing Falun Dafa in September 1997. Even after practicing for 15 years I still have many human attachments to let go. They have bothered me quite a bit, but I was not able to eliminate them by looking inward. I now realize that I wasn't sufficiently diligent. As I reflect upon the four years I spent imprisoned, I realize I was able to maintain righteous thoughts and validate the Fa because of my faith in the Fa and in Teacher. I did not comply with the evil police officers in any way. None of them could convince me to give up my cultivation. I believe that my faith helped me get through this tough period.
It has been seven years since I was released from prison, but I think an easier life makes a person more relaxed. At home I concentrated on doing the three things without letting my family members see me. My daughter discovered that I was still practicing and told my family. They were very worried and came together to tell me in a solemn voice, “You don't seem to understand how we spent our time when you were in prison. If you insist on practicing, you might as well prepare some poison for us. Then, you can continue with your practice after we pass away.” I listened and said nothing, because it would take a long time to explain to them why I was still cultivating, and I did not intend to give up my practice. I believed that things would change as long as I kept my faith.
I continued my Fa-validation activities. When a Shen Yun DVD became available, a fellow practitioner provided a DVD burner so I could make copies of the disc. Unexpectedly, my daughter came home and saw the DVD burner. She said many unkind words and berated my fellow practitioner. The practitioner felt very uncomfortable but did not talk back to my daughter, who was very angry at the time. After that I did Dafa activities only when my daughter was not at home.
I later learned that as long as I remained undisturbed and had no human notions, things were fine. I can now do Dafa work in front of my daughter and she doesn't react negatively. In fact, she smiled and said, “The bee is keeping herself busy.” I am thankful to Teacher for the positive change. As stated in Zhuan Falun,
“Cultivation depends on the efforts of the individual, while transforming gong is done by the master.”
I have selected Dafa articles for my family members to read, and they now understand and support what I do. However, as mutual understanding has returned to my family, I am spending more time with them during holidays, and doing the shopping for my family. This relaxed environment has increased emotional ties, and caused me to fall just before New Year's day two years in a row. I know this is because of my attachment to human ways.
Before New Year's day in 2011, while bicycling home from shopping, I collided with another bicycle rider. It took me three days to recover. My own suffering was not important. What made me feel bad was what Teacher did for me.
We had a family gathering on December 30, 2012. I was busy with shopping and preparing food so I didn't study the Fa or send righteous thoughts properly. After dinner it was time to go home. At first I thought, “Since there is snow on the ground, it is safer to push my bike home instead of riding it.” Then, as I came downstairs with several relatives, I wanted to show that I could still ride the bike, even though I was close to 70 years old.
My son-in-law was in front of me, and as I got on my bike, I fell to the ground. They asked me how I was and I said I was fine. I also told them that my son-in-law was not at fault. The fall occurred because I wanted to show off. My daughter said, “It's a good thing that you know that. Be more careful from now on.” I was able to ride my bike home, which was about four blocks away. At home I had difficulty walking and I had to hold onto a chair to move around. However, I learned that entertaining a bad thought was not a small matter. It was dangerous. I apologized to Teacher for making this mistake.
I realized that I should urgently look inward to identify my attachments. I found that I had the mentality of showing off, jealousy, the competitive mentality, fear of losing face, and zealotry. Furthermore, I tended to focus on other people's weaknesses, fight for justice, and dwell on past events. I need to quickly let all these human notions go.
I believe that the time we currently have is for us to save more sentient beings, and that Teacher has paid a huge price for us. I have not used this time wisely. I wrote this article to remind myself and let fellow practitioners know that it is urgent that we do the three things well and save sentient beings. We should strive to be selfless disciples and put less burden on Teacher.
