(Minghui.org) I am a young practitioner who began to practice in 1999. I would like to share with fellow practitioners how I have managed to pass the trial of lust.
In the beginning of my cultivation practice, with Teacher's help I completely eliminated the attachment of lust for more than a year. At that time, I wholeheartedly immersed myself in Fa-study and my body experienced a tremendous transformation. It was just as Teacher said in “Teaching and Explaining the Fa at the Metropolitan New York Fa Conference”:
"you felt light all over, your whole body was light as a feather, and the feeling of being sick was gone".
Later, I served in the army and didn't make cultivation a priority, so I slacked off and developed some very bad behavior, such as watching pornographic movies. At that time, I felt very regretful and ashamed. I also told myself every time that I must improve my mind, so as not to fail the test again. However, when my attachment to lust surfaced, I couldn't control myself, and went along with the thought karma. Sometimes I clearly knew that I was going through a test, and that if I didn't manage to pass it, I'd end up with deep regrets. However, I still couldn't control myself. At some time, I reached the brink of hopelessness, and had little confidence in passing this test.
Teacher said in Teaching the Fa in the City of Los Angeles:
"If the righteous thoughts of somebody are not strong during his cultivation, he won't be able to pass his tests well and they will drag on. Also, when he's not able to achieve strong righteous thoughts, his confidence will be weakened."
"I don't like it when you blame yourselves, it's completely pointless." (Explaining the Fa During the 2003 Lantern Festival at the U.S. West Fa Conference)
Because of Teacher's Fa, I told myself that I should never lose confidence. Eventually, my efforts paid off.
A few weeks ago, besides doing the three things, I increased the amount of Fa study. In addition to studying one chapter of Zhuan Faluneach day, I also studied Teacher's Fa lectures from overseas. Sometimes, in addition to one chapter of Zhuan Falun, I even studied an entire book of Teacher's Fa lectures overseas. I prefer to find a quiet place and study with full attention. I feel that better concentration leads to better enlightenment. Even though it was hard to describe what it was, I could see vaguely that every word in the book was shining.
Later the trial of lust came back. When the strong attachment popped up, I recognized it. The thought karma kept stirring my desire, attempting to make me give in, and watch those filthy videos. I kept suppressing it and fighting with it. I also sent forth righteous thoughts to eliminate it, but it didn't work very well as I couldn't stay calm. However, I didn't want to give up either. I asked myself: If I were a divine being, would I do such a thing? The answer was very clear. Soon enough, the attachment to lust became much lighter. I knew that I had passed the test this time. Such tests returned twice more in only a couple of days.
When I woke up the next day, I felt that my body was very light, just like the feeling I experienced early in my practice. That night, while I worked on a media project for Dafa, my head felt quite painful. I continued to work despite the pain. I figured that it must be Teacher helping me clean up some of the filthy things in my head. By the following day, it felt that a significant layer of lust had dissolved. When I look at females now, I don't feel that one is different than the other, and my mind is free of bad thoughts. I felt that I finally improved to a better state and felt the wonderful grace of Dafa, similar to the beginning of my cultivation.
In “Teaching the Fa and Answering Questions in Jinan” of Zhuan Falun Fajie
The Law of Zhuan Falun Explained, Teacher answered a student's question:
“Question: Will the test of lust be repeated over and over?
Teacher: Yes, it will. If you didn’t pass it once, it will come again. You may be controlling it pretty well now, but what about in the future? You will be tested again.”
After the experience of passing the trial of lust this time, I gained the knowledge of how to conduct my cultivation going forward, which also helped strengthen my confidence. After I passed this test, I realized that I still had many attachments, which I didn't realize before, and these should be eliminated as well.
These are the cultivation experiences that I'd like to share with fellow practitioners. Please kindly point out anything inappropriate. Thank you!
Category: Improving Oneself
