The Mentality of Wanting to Change Others and Validate Myself Got Me into a Lot of Trouble
(Minghui.org) I used to have a strong mentality of wanting to change others and validate myself. Such an attachment got me into a lot of trouble. Recalling my experience of getting rid of this attachment, emotions churn in my chest - both bitter and sweet. After countless stumbles, I can finally face others with compassion. I would like to share my cultivation experience in this respect.
Wanting to Change Others Due to My Attachment to Competition
I grew up in a poor family, in the lowest social class, and was often bullied when I was young. In order to survive, I became rebellious. Gradually my attachment to competition became stronger, too. It manifested in me very clearly when it came to things I loved and hated. Even though I was a woman, I was not afraid even when encountering hooligans, nor did I ever compromise.
Even after I started cultivation, my desire to make others change remained very strong. Due to my strong attachment to competition, I often quarreled with other practitioners and even flushed with anger when I had a different opinion or I thought others were wrong. I forced others to accept my opinion and follow me.
Once a practitioner complained to me about a very overbearing practitioner who always forced others to listen to her. No matter whether others were available or not, she always ordered them to do things immediately whenever she called. I was very resentful of such a person. I told the practitioner, “Just tell her you do not want to go. See what she can do to you!”
This practitioner said that couldn't say that and resigned herself to adversity. I said, “You are such a coward. You cannot give in to such a person.” I said with anger, “You are indulging her attachments and are doing her no favor. You should refuse her. If you always give in to her demands, she will dominate you. Actually, you are doing harm to her.” I made the other practitioner speechless.
I attempted to change this practitioner, told her to get stronger. I put pressure on her. In reality, though, what difference was there between myself and the practitioner she complained about? I didn't share with practitioners compassionately, nor did I look inside to figure out why the practitioner shared her complaint with me. On the contrary, I displayed a strong attachment to competition and wanted to change her. I was cultivating others, not myself!
Wanting to Change Others Due to Jealousy
One practitioner had many human attachments, but he didn't correct himself in time. The old forces took advantage of his loopholes and attacked his physical body. Finally he showed the symptoms of cerebral thrombosis. I asked him to look inside and negate the arrangements made by the old forces, but he said he had no attachments.
I was so angry at his response that I said, “You have no attachment? Then why are you suffering from cerebral thrombosis? If you have no attachment, then does it mean you've achieved consummation? Why are you still here?” Later he talked a lot, but nothing he said was in line with the Fa. He thought he was good enough. I felt quite suffocated listening to him. I was very annoyed and looked down on him. I blamed him and was very angry.
I was very irritated. My heart was up and down. I looked inside to identify my attachments: It seemed like I was doing good for others, but actually I was holding onto a strong mentality of changing others. The attachment behind it was jealousy. This practitioner had already suffered cerebral thrombosis but was still too sure of himself. I looked down on him because of that. I thought he was inferior to me.
Looking down on others is a manifestation of jealousy: "You are not capable, so you should listen to me and follow me." Though I asked him to look inside, my attitude was not good. My human attachments were so strong and I had no compassion at all. Actually, I tried to change others. As a result, this practitioner not only didn't look inside, but felt he was good. His reaction was the complete opposite of what I expected.
I have changed since then. No matter what kind of practitioners I come across, regardless of their cultivation state, as long as I am aware that their notions are different from mine, or I find myself looking down on anyone, I will immediately change myself first and let go of my jealousy instead of trying to change them.
The Mentality of Changing Others Due to an Attachment to Guiding Others
After looking within over a period of time, I found that my desire to change others was not as strong as before. I was complacent and thought I was more diligent than others. However, Teacher helped me realize that my mentality of changing others was still there, hidden deeply.
As my combativeness and jealousy diminished, I spoke more calmly than ever before. I became patient, too. But I still felt there was something wrong with me every time I came back from group Fa study and sharing. I looked inside but didn't identify any attachment. I sat down to study the Fa with my heart. I asked Teacher for help.
As I studied the Fa, something surfaced in my mind: while sharing with other practitioners, I always attempted to change them and showed a strong impulse to guide them: "You should do this in such and such way. You are wrong by doing this like that. He should do this in such a way. He is such and such." No matter what someone said, I'd always be critical. It seemed I considered myself more capable than others and that I had cultivated better than others instead of humbly regarding myself as a cultivator. I always attempted to guide others to change them.
I sent forth righteous thoughts immediately to get rid of this dirty human attachment. Later on when I shared about this with other practitioners, I removed the mentality of trying to educate others. Not rectifying this mentality can easily give rise to “demonic interference from one's own mind.” As time goes by, such a mentality will enlarge and it'd become impossible for me to look within. It's very dangerous.
The Mentality of Changing Others Due to the CCP Culture
People living in China are seriously affected and poisoned by the CCP (Chinese Communist Party) culture. The Party says it is always being correct. Many practitioners just want to change others instead of changing themselves. They don't look inside, always at others. They justify such behavior by saying they're doing it for others. Actually, it's all a product of the CCP culture. Anything can become clear when using the Fa to evaluate it. When faced with a conflict, some practitioners just criticize others and fail to look within, they don't genuinely cultivate, and aren't able to identify any of their own attachments.
Each and every practitioner is like a mirror for us. We should always look inside, rectify the way we think, and truly cultivate ourselves. Since I have let go of the mentality of changing others, I now treat others compassionately. I no longer impose my opinions on others. I can understand them and tolerate their shortcomings and faults.
As I improve constantly in cultivation, my realm has elevated and I have experienced the wonders cultivation. I have become more clear-minded and can easily identify the cause behind problems. I can also make people feel accepted when I clarify the truth. As a result, they accept the truth easily.
The above is only my personal understanding. If you find anything inappropriate, please point it out!