How I Eliminated the Notion That I was Better Than Others
(Minghui.org) As soon as my husband and I stepped into my dad's place, my brother began screaming at me. Because it was a family party for a major holiday, everyone was there. I'd always tried to avoid being embarrassed in public to “save face.” I realized that we had arrived late, but he went on and on, listing all my faults. Before I began practicing Falun Dafa I would have immediately begun defending myself and shouting back. This time I calmly took it and even felt bad – I had no idea how I'd offended him over the years!
I'm a senior engineer and vice president of a research institute. I began practicing Falun Dafa in 1996. Because I've practiced for many years and I've changed in positive and amazing ways, I'd like to share what I've gained. The past ten-plus years have been filled with Master's compassion and Dafa's wonders. I wish to sincerely thank Master with all my heart. Thank you, Master!
All My Questions Answered after I Found Falun Dafa
When I was small, I frequently wondered why we were here and what happens to us after we die. I thought, “I'll no longer exist.” I even wept because I didn't know the meaning of life. Whenever I saw older people, I told myself I shouldn't grow up and become one of them – people who were heading into the last stage of life.
I had also been searching for the origin of life. For example, grass grows from the soil every spring. Small fish appear in puddles after rain. Where do these things come from? To answer that question, I searched through the teachings of different religions, including Buddhism, Taoism, the Book of Changes , the Eight Trigrams, and fortunetelling and qigong books. Qigong masters, or those who had supernatural abilities weren't able to give me a satisfactory answer. One Tantric monk told me, “Even Buddha Shakyamuni didn't talk about what you want to know.”
I practiced different types of qigong as well as Zen Buddhism. I sometimes meditated for three to four hours at a time. My third-eye was open. I told everyone what I saw with my third-eye, yet no one was able to explain to me exactly what happened. In the end, my third-eye closed.
I saw the book Zhuan Falun in a bookstore in late 1996. I quickly scanned through it but put it back. My colleagues often talked about Falun Gong. My brother-in-law had given me a copy of the introduction to Falun Gong, but I thought it was inconceivable. He later gave me videotapes of Master teaching the Fa in Jinan City. The energy field was very powerful while I was watching the videos. I realized that the Fa was great and did not hesitate to share it with my parents.
Nineteen of my family members all began practicing. Master gave me many hints and I enlightened to many principles. All my questions have been answered. Life's real meaning is to return to one's original and true self. Confusion and depression are no longer part of my everyday experience. I always feel energetic and optimistic.
Dafa's Mighty Power
On July 20, 1999, the former CCP leader launched the persecution of Falun Gong. Because I was a Party member, my boss made me take it very seriously, and demanded that I give up the practice. He talked to me every day, pressuring me to renounce my faith. Some people stayed outside my house all night, monitoring me. It seemed that I could be arrested at any time.
I was illegally arrested in late 2000, at a printing store where I had gone to make copies of Master's lectures. The police were very surprised that we were able to get Master's recently published articles. At that time, few people knew how to use computers, so they treated me as an important person and interrogated me.
My home was ransacked. The city 610 Office also interrogated me. One man began slandering Master and I started sending forth righteous thoughts to stop him. He then felt that something was stuck in his throat and he couldn't finish his sentence. He stood up from his chair, left, and didn't come back.
One evening, I was going to take the bus to distribute truth-clarification materials in a remote, new residential community. After I got on the bus, it started to cloud up and looked like it was about to storm. “Should I go or not?” I asked myself. I didn't have an umbrella, just a bag filled with materials. What if I got wet? While hesitating, I cleared my mind and decided to eliminate any interference and go.
It was raining cats and dogs when I arrived, but it very quickly let up. I walked about half a mile before arriving at a store. Then it started to pour again. I went into the store to avoid getting wet. Ten minutes later, the water was up to my ankles. Then it let up again. I walked another half-mile before I got to my destination. As soon as I stepped into the building, the rain resumed. When I left, it let up again. Whenever I was in a building, it poured. It was like I was hiding myself in those gaps.
It was 10:00 p.m by the time I finished distributing all my materials. There was no one on the street. The rain let up again. A police car drove toward me. Its headlights lit my way. I lifted my pant legs and walked carefully in water as high as my knees before I reached the main road. I was very touched because Master always takes care of us.
Before the 2008 Beijing Olympics, I was arrested for clarifying the truth and taken to Wangcun Forced Labor Camp. However, the police weren't able to open the handcuffs. If gods didn't permit it, they wouldn't be able to open them. Even though they used all kinds of tools, including pliers, hammers, screwdrivers and a saw, they could not open the handcuffs. Consequently, the labor camp refused to accept me.
The police asked me if I used magical abilities. The handcuffs worked fine when they put them on my hands. Now they couldn't open them. I replied, “If you are doing something righteous, gods will help you. Why don't you think about it? Why did you get lost on the way to the labor camp? Why couldn't you open the handcuffs? Good will be rewarded and evil will be punished. Whatever you do to practitioners is like doing the same thing to yourselves.” They said nothing and thought over what I said.
When we arrived at the labor camp, I was kept in a tiny room. Every day, guards forced me to stand facing the wall from 5:30 a.m. until midnight or 2:00 a.m., after which I was allowed to sleep for two to four hours. I was only allowed to kneel down when I ate. For the rest of the day, I was forced to remain standing.
Summer in Zibo City is very hot, and I was locked in a room facing the hot sun. My clothing was soaked with sweat, and became hard. I kept reciting Master's Fa. All of a sudden, I felt I was lifted and elevating slowly. My body was no longer heavy, and it seemed like I was standing on cotton. I realized that Master was helping me bear the pain. I was kept in that room for more than ten days. My legs and feet swelled so large that my shoes broke apart.
I held a hunger strike to protest the persecution. As a result, guards bound my hands to the back of the chair and my legs to the chair's legs. A guard grabbed my hair and shoved a plastic tube up my nose to force-feed me. I closed my eyes and asked Master for help. I then saw that the tube was as thin as a matchstick, and did not struggle as they put in my nose. In this dimension, I threw up everything they tried to feed me with. I did not bear too much hardship.
Even though I ate little and became very thin, I looked very energetic. Two months later, my family was very surprised that I looked very good and my face glowed when they came to visit me. They thought I would be carried out on a stretcher, but I walked out by myself. All I experienced reflected Dafa's wonders.
Studying the Fa and Improving My Character
I used to concentrate on doing things to validate the Fa, but didn't emphasize studying the Fa or improving my character (xinxing), which led to many conflicts and multiple arrests. I also experienced some physical tribulations. We now study the Fa together, and many human attachments have been eliminated. Our righteous thoughts are stronger. Master said,
“Pacify the External by Cultivating the Internal” (Essentials for Further Advancement)
“...'the appearance stems from the mind.'” (“Fa Teaching Given at the Epoch Times Meeting”)
When my notions changed and I looked for the reason within, everything around me became peaceful.
I'm the eldest daughter, and my parents always took me very seriously. My younger brothers and sister all respect me. I was always the one who made the final decision on family issues, so I felt that I was better than the others.
However, after my mother passed away, I didn't show proper respect. The entire family started to treat me as though I had offended everyone. My father told me that I would inherit nothing from them. All the jewelry and money my mother had given me was distributed among my siblings. Moreover, I had to pay for all the events that our family hosted. My father often criticized me in front of others, especially in front of my nephews and nieces, which was very embarrassing. I often left in tears.
I kept reminding myself that I was a practitioner and should not fight with him, but endure. When I measured it according to Dafa's principles, my heart was put at ease. Maybe this is how much I owed my father from a past life. Shouldn't I pay him back? Whether I felt sad or happy, I had to pay it back. Wasn't this an opportunity to cultivate? Why not pay it back gladly?
After I adjusted my thoughts, I felt at peace inside and my anger disappeared. My father eased up and didn't treat me as badly as before. When he returned from his hometown which he had been away from for 20 years, I did as he asked and arranged several things. He was deeply moved. He placed all his savings and valuable things in my house. He said my home was the safest place because I was a Falun Gong practitioner.
I used to take self-esteem very seriously and was very attached to saving face. I expected others to praise me for what I did. This attitude gave me a lot of trouble when I began cultivating.
One day we gathered together with my father for a party, but I was a little late. As soon as I arrived, my younger brother started screaming at me in front of the entire family, and he kept it up me for a long time. I was not moved but kept preparing dinner. When everyone was seated, my brother claimed that I had committed many wrongdoings. It seemed like he was intentionally making trouble for me. My father acted as if he wasn't part of it, and he didn't stop my brother from finding fault with me. Everyone else was very quiet as if a storm was coming.
My heart was very calm, however, and I listened to my brother without saying a word. I felt a little guilty that I had not been considerate of him before. My husband couldn't take it any longer, and started to argue on my behalf. I smiled and said, “Don't argue or defend me. If I did something wrong, then it's my fault. I don't need everyone to praise me. I need to be considerate of everyone else.”
I told myself that I was a practitioner and shouldn't act like an everyday person. I apologized sincerely, remained very calm, and was not angry at all. I genuinely felt that my brother was just being very honest and straightforward. My father praised me for having a high xinxing level. I knew that Master used his words to encourage me.
As a result, everyone relaxed and began talking happily and sincerely. It was because I emphasized studying the Fa that I was able to handle that test well. When encountering conflicts, I was able to look inward and dig out my faults so that the environment around me changed significantly:
“...the Buddha-light illuminates everywhere and rectifies all abnormalities.” (Lecture Six from Zhuan Falun)
Dafa is great and can rectify people's minds as well as the universe.
The above is my cultivation experience and personal understanding of the Fa. Please kindly point out anything inappropriate.