Given a Second Chance Despite My Sins against Dafa
(Minghui.org) Before I began practicing, I committed sins against Dafa, but Master accepted me. He treated me as a Dafa disciple when I began to truly cultivate. Master also adjusted my body, helping to free me from illness karma and recover from an incurable lung disease.
1. I Committed Crimes against Dafa
I'm 70 years old now and retired from a company in our county. I went astray during the early days when Jiang Zemin's regime began the persecution of Falun Gong. Unthinkingly going along with the Communist Party, I did stupid things. I later understood that I had committed unpardonable sins, and I couldn't even forgive myself. They will remain a shameful part of my past.
The first sin I committed: Right after July 20, 1999, the 610 Office (an illegal organization set up to persecute Falun Gong) called an urgent meeting for leaders of different units at the office of the propaganda department. This organization fabricated all kinds of lies against Falun Dafa's founder and the practice and set out what steps to take to implement the persecution. At that time, I was the Party deputy secretary in our company and attended the meeting.
When I went back, I organized a general assembly of company employees and passed on the slanderous information about Falun Gong. I encouraged Falun Gong practitioners to give up the practice and hand over their Falun Gong books and tapes to the company office. After being registered, all these materials were later passed on to the 601 Office.
Later I felt deep regret for what I had done. I resisted pressure from all directions and refused to allow my subordinates to be taken to brainwashing centers.
The second sin I committed: During the first brainwashing session held in our county, I went along with the 610 Office and participated in trying to “transform” a relative of mine, causing much pressure and interference to local fellow practitioners. Although they didn't succeed in “transforming” my relative in the end, I helped the CCP do evil things.
For the rest of my life I will be ashamed of these crimes, and I can never make up for the karmic debts incurred.
I didn't truly understand what Falun Gong was about until three years ago when I started cultivating. I started to clarify the facts and talk about the grace of Dafa to my former colleagues, superiors, friends, and relatives, and helped them quit the CCP and its affiliated organizations, as a way to atone a tiny bit for my sins.
2. Falun Gong Cured My Lung Disease
Bullous disease of the lungs, although similar to emphysema, is not a common disease. According to experts, if it is not serious, surgery may be done to remove the bullae, but there is still a possibility of relapse. If there are too many bullae, then the only alternative is to do a lung transplant, if conditions permit. There is no effective medication, and one has to let nature take its course. The patient cannot do much and should try to avoid coughing, otherwise, it can easily develop into pneumothorax and one's life could be in danger at any time.
1997 was a year in which I experienced both misfortune and blessing. Our company had a sports meet prior to the New Year. Suddenly I had difficulty breathing while I was on the field playing a ball game. That April, I went to a county hospital and was diagnosed with bullous disease of the lungs. It was such a shock. In September that year, a former schoolmate gave me a copy of Zhuan Falun and a copy of Zhuan Falun Volume II . I now greatly regret that I didn't start practicing then due to my poor enlightenment quality. My condition got worse and worse, and I had more and more bullae, and it got more difficult to breathe. I found it hard even to climb the stairs to my place on the 4 th floor. In the end, I had to go back to my hometown to live on the ground floor.
The thing I dreaded most happened in 2007: the bullae broke and turned into pneumothorax. My heart and lungs were squeezed by the air in my chest cavity and I found it very hard to breathe. I was admitted to a hospital and doctors operated to remove the air. Three days later, X-ray showed that all the air was removed and they could take out the tube that had been inserted into my chest cavity. However, the leak was not properly repaired and air began building up again the next day. By the third day, my whole chest was filled with air and my lungs were badly squeezed. The hospital had to insert a tube to remove the air again. I asked the hospital to transfer me to a provincial hospital. They agreed and assigned two doctors to take me. I felt better after 12 days of treatment at the hospital.
After that, relapses became more frequent, and the time in between became shorter. I had to be hospitalized twice a year and was in constant pain and suffering. Friends and fellow practitioners came to see me and said it seemed that Falun Gong was the only the remedy.
To be honest, it wasn't that I didn't want to practice, but I remembered what I had done to Dafa. I felt so ashamed that I had let down Master that I felt I was not worthy of Master's salvation. With the kind help and encouragement from fellow practitioners, I tried to give it a go. I let go of the mental burden that, because I had sinned ,I didn't dare to cultivate. I made a solemn statement on the Minghui website to announce that all my sinful words and actions were void. Then I began to cultivate in Dafa.
Indeed, merciful Master didn't bear me any grudge for what I had done, and He adjusted my body. I felt obvious improvement in breathing and my headaches were also gone. My complexion looked much better and I gained weight. However, I was not diligent in Fa-study and only paid lip service to trusting Master and Dafa. I failed to pass a test.
In August 2009, symptoms similar to pneumothorax reappeared, and I started to have difficulty breathing. I would sweat profusely with the slightest movement, and I found it hard even to wash my face and use the toilet. I could only do the meditation exercise. I kept studying the Fa every day. Seven or eight days passed, but I didn't improve. I started to have human attachments. My wife (a practitioner) was worried that if anything happened to me, our sons, who were out of town, would blame her. I also wanted an X-ray to see what was happening.
The result confirmed it was pneumothorax, and air had filled 40% of my chest cavity. On September 1, I went to the provincial hospital for another checkup, which showed the air had gone down to just over 30%. I was in the hospital for three or four days, and still failed to enlighten in the Fa. I just wanted to feel a bit more comfortable. So I asked the doctors to do another procedure to remove the air. I missed another opportunity to improve xinxing, causing me with a great deal of regret.
After I was discharged from the hospital, my sons asked me to spend some time in the city to recover. Only three days after the operation, bullae broke again and it was very bad. I felt I could no longer bear the pain and suffering. I was admitted to the hospital again and they found 95% of my chest cavity was filled with air. The doctors operated immediately, using a thicker tube to remove the air this time. But the air-removal process stopped halfway, my face and upper body inflated, and my eyes were so swollen that I could not see. My wife was worried and asked the doctors to do something. I had a third operation around 4:00 a.m. where they used an imported air-removal tube. The hospital issued a notice of critical condition: I was in danger of dying.
By then, I stopped thinking about anything else and I just put my life in Master's hands. I said to Master: “I was not diligent in cultivation and was full of human attachments. I was not firm in trusting Master and Dafa at critical moments. I know I have to pay for the karmic debts from the past. What is happening to me is completely my own fault. However I have no regret that I obtained Dafa, and the only concern I have now is that I didn't want to cause any negative effect to Dafa.” I asked my wife to hand me the MP3 player and started to listen to Master teaching the Fa. As I listened, miracles happened. I could see sunlight, and my face and body started to become less and less swollen.
The next day when my children came to see me, I said, “I've chosen to practice Falun Gong. I shall leave my health to Master. I don't want to stay in the hospital. If anything should happen to me, it has nothing to do with your mother. You should not blame her.” At my insistence we left the hospital and went home.
It's now been two and a half years. I've never had another relapse of pneumothorax and haven't taken any medicine. I keep cultivating myself in Dafa and hold a firm belief in Master and the Fa. I've had some false symptoms occasionally, but they disappeared in a day or two. When my former colleagues and schoolmates saw me, they all said, “You look so well!” I told them it was the blessing from Falun Gong. I've experienced “Falun Dafa is good” in my own life, and this also provides me with a very good platform to clarify the facts about Falun Gong.
From being a sinful person, someone who came into Dafa with a serious disease, to a true cultivator, the above healing illness experience is only one aspect of my cultivation. But from this, you can see just how compassionate and merciful our Master is, as well as the miraculous power of Dafa. I'm so very grateful to Master for accepting me as a Dafa disciple.
Finally, I sincerely hope that everyone in the world truly understands the facts of Falun Gong. Just as our Master said, “If human beings are able to take a fresh look at themselves as well as the universe and change their rigid mentalities, humankind will make a leap forward.” (From "Lunyu” in Zhuan Falun)