(Minghui.org) I have read articles on Minghui.org by other practitioners, but I myself never wrote one because I thought that I did not cultivate well enough and thus, had nothing to write about. In addition, I am not good at writing, nor am I able to type very fast. I had many thoughts like this that stopped me from writing. However, this time I got rid of all the negative thoughts and firmly decided to write about my cultivation experiences. I realize that the process of writing is a way to help me find my shortcomings. It is also a process of purifying my thoughts and it is a part of cultivation practice.
My Attachments Increase Due to Lack of Diligence in Cultivation
I began to practice Falun Dafa in1996. All the diseases I had previously disappeared after I started to practice. During all these years of cultivation I have improved myself by studying Dafa, practicing the exercises and helping to tell others about Falun Dafa. After July 20th, 1999, when the persecution of Falun Dafa practitioners started, I began to clarify the truth of Falun Dafa to people. I have been illegally arrested, put in prison and harassed by the authorities. After the publication of the Nine Commentaries on the Communist Party, I more earnestly began to clarify the truth to people to save them. I started with my family members, friends, and then strangers. I told them the truth and encouraged them to quit the Chinese Communist Party (CCP).
Following my arrest and imprisonment by the CCP, I was scared and depressed. I became lax in my study of Dafa and did not possess enough righteous thoughts. I began to relax my cultivation efforts. I went out dancing at night and did aerobics at home to keep in shape. Therefore, I gained many attachments such as comparing myself with others, pursuing beauty and so on. However, at the time, I did not realize that I was falling short in my practice. There were difficulties that were happening in my life and a lot of conflicts in my family. My sister-in-law complained about me to my husband. Those conflicts were supposed to be opportunities for me to improve myself, but I was angry and would not let go of my wrong thoughts. Master says:
“As soon as your thinking aligns with a particular type of being, it will be able to instantly exert an effect on you. Yet you won’t be aware of where your thoughts are originating from, and will still think that it is your own will. But in fact, it was precisely your attachments that resulted in those things having an effect on you, and that led to their strengthening your attachments.” (“Dafa Disciples Must Study the Fa - Fa Teaching Given at the 2011 Washington DC Metro Area Fa Conference ”)
Therefore, the more I felt unfairly treated by others, the more intense the conflicts became. I didn't know who said that I had cursed my mother-in-law and my cousin, and that I interfered in my cousin’s marriage, etc. The rumors came one after another and I was upset by them. My husband knew that I could not have done these things; however, he blamed me a lot. I had no idea where the rumors came from and even one of my friends was implicated. She cried to me every day saying that she was being unfairly wronged. When the conflict first started, I regarded myself as a practitioner, but later I could not bear any more. I quarreled like an everyday person with my husband. Gradually, the attachments of passion grew. I missed my ex-boyfriend all the time. I began to feel dizzy and soon developed illnesses in my body. At first, I had persistent excessive menstrual flow, then there was pain in my lower abdomen. I did not try to look within to find my problem at that time. My husband asked me to go to the hospital for examination. The test results showed that I had middle stage cervical cancer. I was shocked. In fact, that was an illusion, because the old forces found my weakness and interfered with me. I did not have righteous thoughts at that time and went to the hospital for diagnosis and treatment.
I was hospitalized in the same room as a woman from my hometown. She also had cervical cancer, but she was in the early stage of the disease. After returning home from the hospital, I kept in close touch with this woman. One day when I called her, nobody answered, so I called her daughter-in-law. I was told that she had passed away. She only lived a little more than 2 months after leaving the hospital! I was shocked by her death, not because I am afraid of death, but because I realized how short and fragile life is. Now I knew how close I had come to missing the opportunity I have been waiting thousands of years for! It was not just a coincidence for me to meet this patient. It was Master who revealed all of this to me.
After that, I began to study the Fa diligently and tried to seize the time to learn more. I read the book by pointing at character by character and tried to learn as much as possible. I did not think about what would be in the future. I used all the time I had to study the Fa. With my desire to learn the Fa, my mind calmed down and I was able to study more clearly. Sometimes, while I studied the Fa, I was so moved by what I read and understood, that I was close to tears.
When I practice, I listen to Master’s words and realize how lucky I am to be taught by Master personally. I tried my best to memorize Master’s kindly voice, thinking that no matter where I go in the future, I can remember the voice in my mind. I regretted so much that I did not do well in the past and behaved like everyday people. My attachments grew and then came the interference of the serious illness.
Master Gave Me a Second Chance in Life Through Tribulation
Once I had a dream in which an old lady told me, “Don’t take medicine anymore. Don’t complain about it once you feel just a little bit uncomfortable.” I realized I was taking traditional Chinese medicine at that time and I woke up from the dream. I was told by my doctor that I had to take the medicine for 3 years. I had just started and I could not drop it. So I took the medicine as if drinking sweet tea. However, I did not relax my studying of the Fa, practicing the exercises and sending forth righteous thoughts. I tried to find my own mistakes when any issue arose. I also went out to clarify the truth when I had time. One month passed like this. Then, I had another dream that I was sitting on the edge of my bed and found there was blood under my lower body. It seemed that Master was going to help me purify my body, so I squatted down. After awhile, Master said to me, “All set.” I said, “Let me see.” So I checked. There was a huge amount of purple blood on the ground. I asked, “Is that all?” “Almost.” replied Master. I was moved to kneel down and said, “Master, you saved my life. I will pay you back!” Master said, “You don’t need to. You cannot practice in this way. You still need to learn from one more book.” I asked, “Do you mean by awakening?” There was a row of books in front of me. I tried to find the right one, but I could not. Then I woke up.
I realized that it was Master revealing my illness as an illusion. Not long after, Master gave a lecture and said:
“Human or divine—the difference lies in one thought. If what arises is a righteous thought, and you take the position that all of this is false, that it’s the old forces meddling, and you remind yourself of how long you’ve cultivated Dafa for and that no such thing is possible, if that thought truly comes from within, instantly the problem will vanish. But this isn’t just something you say and then are able to achieve. That kind of unwavering righteous thought comes from within you, and it is not superficial or just lip service.” (“Fa Teaching Given at the 2010 New York Fa Conference”)
I realized the only way to destroy the old forces is by cultivating diligently. I must study more, firmly believe in Dafa and Master Li, and try to find my own mistakes. At the same time, I have to deny all the arrangements from the old forces. Even if I had signed some agreement with them in the past, it could be nullified if I did not recognize it. I would not let the old forces interfere with me even if I had gaps. With Master’s guidance, I would come back to the right path. I am a student of Master Li. I will not agree to or accept any other arrangement.
As the righteous thoughts became stronger, I could put down everything. I stopped taking the medicine and threw it away. I was focused on doing the three things. There was another time in the dream that master helped me purify my body. The purple blood was on the toilet tissue. There was a voice that went through my ear, “It’s done, no more tumor.” I was so excited and said, “I am fine now. I will study Dafa diligently and I will finish it in this lifetime.” After I woke up, I cried. I knew it was Master who suffered all the pain for me. Master had paid out a lot for such a disappointing disciple like me.
With the improvement of my xinxing, I became healthier. People said that I was getting younger and stronger. I told them that it was because I practiced Falun Dafa with guidance from Master. At home, I tried to do all the chores, including shopping, cooking, cleaning and so on, no matter how heavy they were. It has been about 3 years, but the lesson will be remembered. My mother-in-law did not believe in Falun Dafa at first and even was against it. After she saw all the changes in me, she came to believe. My cousin’s family also believed in it. Their daughter read the book as well. They all quit the Chinese Communist Party. All my conflicts disappeared just like they had never existed.
