Finding My True Self
(Minghui.org) I started practicing Falun Dafa in May 1998. I would like to share with fellow practitioners how Dafa saved me, and how I've assisted Master in rectifying the Fa and saving sentient beings.
1. “Weather-beaten, I shed tears at night” (“Who Am I?” from Hong Yin III)
I used to be a singer and worked extremely hard trying to become an expert. However, I was affected by the downhill slide of society’s moral standards and unable to fulfill my dream. After this disappointment, I lost all hope and returned to my hometown village.
Moving back to the countryside from the city was an eye-opening experience. I was used to receiving applause and adoration, but was suddenly faced with being forgotten and ignored. I can find no words to express the bitterness that I tasted back then. My misery was heightened when my eldest brother passed away from cancer. For endless nights, I could not fall asleep, and my physical condition deteriorated. Suddenly I was swamped with various illnesses.
It was just like what Master said,
“Between the boundless heaven and earth, who am I?
I don’t remember how many lifetimes I’ve been through
Amidst hardships, helpless confusion
My heart, awaiting, so weary
Weather-beaten, I shed tears at night”
(“Who am I?” from Hong Yin III)
2. With Dafa, I came to understand who I am
At that time, I often asked myself: “Why are human beings born into this world? What is the purpose of life?” One day, I suddenly remembered about Falun Dafa. I had several sisters who had begun cultivating in Dafa. To give it a try, I began to read Essentials for Further Advancement, which was the first Dafa book that I was exposed to. I liked it so much that I finished it in one day. Every word in the book touched my heart. The next day, I read Zhuan Falun Volume II. When I opened it to Master’s portrait on the first page, I saw tears in Master's eyes. I felt that Master earnestly looked at my left eye and then my right eye. I was shocked and thought: “Master is a holy being offering salvation to sentient beings.”
After reading the book for only one day, and even before I started practicing the exercises, Master already began to purify my body. I felt very light and could walk very fast. It felt like somebody pushed me from behind when I rode my bike. I tasted the happiness of a life free of illness.
As I continued cultivating in Dafa, I saw that the precious book Zhuan Falun was full of light and colors that could not be found in the human world. I understood that the purpose of life was to return to one's original true self, and that I should assimilate to the highest principles of the universe: Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance.
I apologized to my two sisters-in-law and we were able to resolve our conflicts. I also started to do as many household chores as I could at home. My second brother and my brother-in-law told everybody that I had changed into a completely different person. Since then, my mother, my sisters who hadn't practiced Falun Dafa and both of my sisters-in-law all became Dafa practitioners. My father also occasionally reads Zhuan Falun.
3. Safeguarding the Fa on April 25, 1999, Falun spins in Heaven and on Earth
On the eve of April 25, 1999, a fellow practitioner told me that over 40 practitioners had been brutally beaten and illegally arrested in Tianjin. I thought: “How could such a magnificent Dafa be suppressed like that? Hadn’t the high-ranking Chinese Communist Party (CCP) officials make a mistake? Shouldn’t we go to the Appeals Office in Beijing to clarify the facts to the government?”
After getting off the train, I asked for the direction to the Appeals Office. Then, I found out that practitioners from all over the country were heading in that direction. However, as we all walked, somebody suddenly said that the road ahead of us was closed. Thus, we were led to Fuyou Street in Zhongnanhai [the central government compound in Beijing]. Later, we learned that undercover police officers intentionally led us there.
We were very orderly on Fuyou Street. The elders sat down, and the younger ones stood. We picked up trash, including tiny pieces of paper, while waiting peacefully and patiently for the government leaders to issue a statement. Fully armed police watched us closely.
Around 2 p.m., many of us saw colorful Falun. I saw that the sun was a big green Falun with a golden outline. There were also colorful Falun of various sizes on the buildings, on the ground and in the sky. They were red, purple, green, yellow and blue. That magnificent and splendid scene could only be seen by genuine Dafa cultivators.
It was like what Master described in “Delusion” (Hong Yin): “So incredible and wonderful the spectacle.”
4. Dafa is extraordinary and protects me from danger
I was locked up in a detention center in November 2002. After severely torturing me, the guards wanted to release me because they were afraid that I would die--if I died at home, they would not be held responsible. They rushed me home in a police vehicle with the siren on. The prison guard insisted that my sister sign a form that said that I was alive when I got home.
I lay in bed for days, unable to eat, and would vomit if I drank even a little bit of water. I could not walk either, and my family was grief-stricken. I was given an IV for three days, and because I did not urinate the entire time, my belly bulged out; it hurt very badly.
On the fourth day, my family took me to the emergency room. Several doctors told me that even if I survived, I would need to be hospitalized for at least six months and would be paralyzed.
The 610 Office still sent officers to the hospital to harass me. I denied the evil arrangement with righteous thoughts. Suddenly I had the urge to study the Fa and practice the exercises. My sister covered the glass door with newspaper, and I struggled to sit up. At first, I could not see the words in Zhuan Falun well, but I could recite Hong Yin. Hence, I recited Master’s poems while looking at the words and asking Master to help me. I closed my eyes briefly when I was tired and then looked at the book again. Gradually, I was able to recognize the words once more.
My legs could not support me, but I was not worried. I had firm faith in Master and Dafa. I sat down on my bed with my legs crossed. I endured every second and felt very comfortable the first time I meditated. My colon stopped hurting on the same day.
After I meditated for the second time, I could stand, but still needed to lean against the bed while getting up. I did the third exercise like that. Then I sat back down on the bed with my legs crossed. After a while, I stood up and did the second exercise, the “Falun Standing Stance.” I noticed that I did not need to lean on the bed anymore, and I was actually standing up straight. Afterward, I did the first and fourth exercises. For the entire evening I hardly slept and just practiced the exercises. When I got thirsty, I attempted to move quietly to the thermos bottle, but the sound of water woke up one of my sisters. She then woke up my other sister and said, “Look, she can pour water herself now.”
After constantly studying the Fa and doing the exercises, I was able to eat. About a dozen days later, I decided to go home. I studied the Fa, practiced the exercises and sent forth righteous thoughts. Six days later, I totally recovered. I have been very healthy ever since. Dafa is extraordinary and miraculous, and I am a living testimony of that.
5. Father survived
In the winter of 2003, my 90-year-old father suddenly became ill and was bed-bound. People assumed that he would not survive this time. While he was close to death, I whispered in his ear, “Father, sincerely recite, 'Falun Dafa is good; Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance is good.' You’ll get good returns.” Father nodded his head with his eyes closed and recited these words constantly.
Although he survived the ordeal, father lost control of his bowel movements. He was bed-bound for two years, and during the entire time, I was often the only one at home taking care of him. In addition to cooking and cleaning the house for our family of seven, I often got up at midnight and washed father’s soiled pants in the backyard.
I often dined with my father, so that he would not feel so lonely. I wrote on the wall and on his palms, “Falun Dafa is good; Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance is good.” I could tell that father was full of gratitude and respect toward our beloved Master.
The filial piety that my family and I expressed toward our parents had won us a good reputation in our village. It helped us later, when we clarified the truth about the persecution and convinced villagers to withdraw from the CCP and its affiliated organizations.
6. “While suffering I still rescue sentient beings” (“We Know” from Hong Yin III)
When faced with heavy chores at home, I did not slack off on the path of Fa-rectification. I seldom missed the four global times of sending forth righteous thoughts, and I sat for 35 minutes each time. I squeezed in time to study and memorize the Fa, practice the exercises and clarify the truth to people. When my father’s condition was stable, our family delivered truth-clarification materials to thousands of households in our area.
Since the persecution began on July 20, 1999, I have been arrested nine times, and have suffered brutal and barbaric tortures. However, no matter where I was locked up, I clarified the truth to people to help save them. Here are a few examples:
While in the county detention center in March 2002, I protested against my imprisonment by going on three hunger and water strikes. I was taken to the hospital three times. I clarified the truth to the attending physician even though I was very weak: “I cultivate in Falun Dafa and based on Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance and have not done anything wrong. The Tiananmen self-immolation incident was fabricated by the CCP. Do not trust their evil lies. Falun Dafa is the genuine Buddha Fa, and its followers are a group of kindhearted people. Doctor, please stand on the side of righteousness and protect Falun Dafa practitioners.”
The attending physician was deeply touched. Afterward, she told my two sisters in secret: “Even though she was so fragile, your sister told me the truth from the depth of her heart. I’m deeply touched. Please work closely with me. In this hospital, I’m in charge. I will send her home.” Two days later, I was really discharged. That attending physician had positioned herself well, and has been saved.
The 13-year-long persecution of Dafa has been polluting the Chinese people’s minds, especially those who work in public security agencies. Thus, I believe it is our duty to offer salvation to those people.
When I was detained in June 2001, a female head guard talked to me. At first, she was very vicious. However, when I told her, in detail, why Jiang Zemin’s regime persecuted Falun Dafa and what Falun Dafa really was, she listened attentively while nodding her head in agreement. When I walked out of her office, I saw tears in her eyes. Following behind me, she repeatedly told me to take good care of myself.
While I was detained in the labor camp in July 2002, I shouted for over a month, “Falun Dafa is good! Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance is good!” I believed that those words were the best thing I could give to the people there.
I told the guards that good meets with good returns, while evil deeds bring bad returns. I explained the facts about the Tiananmen self-immolation incident, as well as the Great Cultural Revolution and the Tiananmen Square Massacre. I also explained why there was nothing wrong with believing in Falun Dafa, letting the guards know that Jiang Zemin was the culprit behind the persecution.
Some of the female guards said that they liked to chat with me. I felt sorry for the lives that had been manipulated by the evil CCP to persecute people who believe in Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance. Thus, I did my best to clarify the truth to them. After they understood the truth, some of the guards even began to secretly protect me.
While inside the interrogation room at the county police department in May 2002, I noticed that the police chief put a long, thick electric baton on the table. He looked vicious. Staring at him directly, I said: “I must be responsible for justice. I will not sell my conscience to betray kindhearted people for you to persecute here. If I did so, I would actually harm you. Falun Dafa has been spread to over 60 countries, and nobody in the world but the CCP persecutes Falun Dafa. During the Cultural Revolution, the head of Beijing Public Security Bureau, Liu Chuanxin, sold his soul to persecute others. However, after the Cultural Revolution was over, he was the first to commit suicide. After that, over 800 police officers were escorted to Yunnan and secretly executed.” Hearing that, the police chief changed his attitude and smiled. Then he told the group of officers whom he had arranged to torture me that night to go home.
To help offer salvation to sentient beings, I have traveled to villages and towns in all kinds of weather to spread the truth about Falun Dafa. Looking at the ordinary people who have been lost in the busy quagmire and are still not awakened, I now see clearly that saving sentient beings is the vow that I made before coming to this Earth. I have found my true self.
It is just as Master wrote:
“I came to understand who I am
And realized I should hasten my steps on the divine path”
(“Who Am I?” Hong Yin III)