My Attachment to Another Practitioner Was Rooted in My Attachment to Self
(Minghui.org) Master said, "The entire cultivation process for a practitioner is one of constantly giving up human attachments." (Zhuan Falun) Lately, I have come to further understand that as a practitioner, anything one runs into must be related to improving oneself through cultivation practice. Only when one regards oneself as a practitioner and follows the Fa's guidance in daily life can one obtain the Fa and improve.
There was a practitioner in my group that I felt very uncomfortable around. It was hard to describe. I was not keen to talk to her, and I didn't know what to talk about with her. We certainly weren't close, and we even lacked the friendliness and closeness that exist among practitioners in general. Apparently there was something between us that was separating us.
I knew it was my problem, so I looked within. I asked myself when this started. I recalled that I had heard some things about her from other practitioners before I became acquainted with her. Some were unintentional, while others were intentionally made known to me. After some contact, I started to worry about her cultivation state. Gradually, I heard more and more negative things about her, so much so that I could not face her like a normal practitioner.
Master said, “Cultivation is looking within for the cause.” ("Don’t Argue" from Hong Yin III) I started looking within for my problem.
My train of thought led me to discover a mental pattern. I tend to look outward when things arise, and I judge right from wrong using human notions while being trapped in the matter itself. It was this habit that caused me to develop concern about this fellow practitioner, which over time turned into an attachment. Yes, I was attached to her cultivation state. Digging into it carefully, I realized the distrust I harbored was caused by my human thoughts and notions of self-righteousness. During numerous reincarnations in the human world, some things have been formed in us unknowingly. For example, in our daily lives or work environments, we have formed mindsets about our surroundings which work much like a conditioned reflex that speculates based on appearance, “He's horrible in this aspect; he needs to change,” or “He didn’t do it right; he should have done it this way.” Moreover, over time, we have mistakenly come to think that our worrying about others is a manifestation of being responsible and compassionate toward them. It is true that caring for others and helping others is a manifestation of compassion at certain levels, but this has shielded attachments to self as well as some notions.
I suddenly woke up and realized that it was my human thoughts and attachment that made me "see and hear" her "problems." I distrusted her and suspected that she had deviated from the Fa. I believe that all my bad thoughts added many bad substances to her dimensional field, and I was pushing her away! In the following days, I suddenly recalled and understood a conflict I had several years prior with another practitioner, which was also due an attachment to myself and then to that practitioner. Looking around, I found myself attached to everyone around me to differing degrees. Beyond my notions about myself, jealousy was also a reason. For example, I was attached to my son because I was jealous when other children did well. So I picked on him and always looked at his shortcomings, frequently comparing him with others. These bad substances were interfering with my cultivation practice in my dimensional field.
I sent forth righteous thoughts to eliminate these bad substances. I later used the Fa to rectify my thinking, in every single thought, and I tried thinking outside the box. I thank Master for His merciful hints, as well as my fellow practitioners' help.
This concludes my understandings. Please kindly point out anything improper.