A Young Practitioner Sincerely Looks Inward
(Minghui.org) A large portion of our practitioners were born in the 1970's, 1980's, and 1990's. Due to the birth control policy of the Chinese Communist Party (CCP), most of them are the only child in their families, especially in the big cities. Since they are the only children at home, they are considered very special and loved very much by their parents. Thus, they may have strong attachments related to family relationships. I would like to share my experience of some major cultivation issues that have occurred along my path.
1. Being Heavily Influenced by “Atheism”
I used to study hard and believed that the more everyday scientific knowledge I obtained, the more intelligent I would be. I gradually absorbed the evil Chinese Communist Party (CCP) concept of “atheism”. Since I practiced Dafa, I superficially understood Dafa's principles and experienced Dafa's power. However, in my heart, I didn't really believe some things, like lives in other dimensions for instance. Actually, my attachment is that I must physically see something to believe it. Otherwise, I won't trust it. Especially, during Fa-Rectification, Master mentioned that Dafa practitioners may have powerful abilities to effect outcomes in certain situations when needed. I just trusted this superficially, so I didn't think I had any abilities, since I hadn't experienced anything. I continued living within the concepts of everyday people. After a while, I realized that I treated persecution as a kind of torture to humans, so I ignored the old forces' power in the persecution of Dafa practitioners. I saw that the old forces ordered the evil CCP persecution of Dafa practitioners. I knew that if I stood still in the human concept of this situation, I wouldn't pass the evil test.
Once, I tried to clarify the truth and when I talked about “cultivation”, the CCP's atheism would disturb me, and so the quality of my truth clarification was reduced. Atheism plays a poisonous role in reducing Dafa practitioners' righteous thoughts and belief in the Fa and Master. I just superficially trusted what Master told us, but I didn't put the principles into action. When I had rough times, I didn't realize that I should ask Master for help because I didn't see it and I didn't believe it. In this manner, I was confused by an everyday person's reality and couldn't find my nature. I definitely couldn't see the truth of the universe. As Master said,
“In order to explore this domain, humankind must fundamentally change its conventional thinking. Otherwise, the truth of the universe will forever remain a mystery to humankind, and everyday people will forever crawl within the boundary delimited by their own ignorance.” (“Lunyu” from Zhuan Falun)
2. Pursuing Fame and Self-Interest, and Not Seriously Cultivating
Young practitioners are often poisoned by atheism. The CCP destroyed traditional Chinese culture, so we no longer have a clear concept of cultivation. Most of us know Dafa is good, but don't realize cultivation is serious. I read a story entitled, “Yunfang tested Lv Dongbin ten times”. Lv Dongbin's teacher had used blood relations, self-interest, lust and life and death to test him before he taught Lv cultivation. Lv Dongbin passed each test. I can see it is important to get rid of everyday people's attachments in order to meet cultivation requirements. It is serious. If we can't do it, we will lose the opportunity to cultivate. We, as Dafa practitioners, eliminate attachments gradually, but the final test is very serious and we must achieve the standard steadily.
I thought I was the kind of person who didn't focus on fame and self-interest. However, I found out that the everyday person seeks his/her interests in the daily world and I pursue my interests in Dafa cultivation. I sought after the delight of being able to leave the Three Realms forever. My goal was righteous, but the reason for attaining it was not. A true practitioner should protect the whole universe and be responsible for all righteous elements. If we seek self-interest, rather than take care of the sentient beings, we cannot achieve the cultivation standard. Thus, if we watch out for the interests of others, we will act righteously in tough times. We could have a situation such as, “Lest man be lost in his ordeals and gripped with deep regret.” (“Who Dares Renounce Human Attachments?” from Hong Yin)
3. Looking Down on Others Less Educated Than Myself
I graduated from an outstanding university and since I was an honor student, I received a great job offer. I was praised by all of the people around me. I was tremendously proud of myself and found it hard to accept the opinions of others. Also, I developed an attachment of jealousy and looked down upon others. My attitude made it very difficult for me to look inward, and this interfered with my participation in truth clarification work with other practitioners. I felt that I cultivated very diligently and was unable to see my true cultivation state.
4. Ignoring Others and Selfishness
I didn't have compassion when I clarified the truth. I just wanted to “complete a task”. Thus, I behaved indifferently toward my relatives. I didn't consider others first at all. In the story, “A Dream of Red Mansions”, the character Xichun is impressive. She decided to cultivate, but she actually held a very selfish attachment to getting away from the secular world and seeking relaxation and separation from worldly demands. With such a selfish and indifferent mindset, we can't be successful in saving sentient beings.
5. How Prolonged Exposure to Fictional Stories Created Thought Karma
I have loved reading fictional books since I was little. However, those artistic works are full of fame, self-interest, sex, emotion, and fighting. After repeated exposure to these books, I formed thought karma and sometimes I could not calm down. At times, the thoughts were so filthy. After I began to practice Dafa, Master eliminated most of it. However, when I relaxed my mind, those dirty thoughts returned and it was hard to calm down to study the Fa and send righteous thoughts. It also negatively influenced my quality of truth clarification.
6. An Easy Childhood Influences My Ability to Handle Tough Times
Life went fairly well for me when I was a child and I got used to this environment of ease. Therefore, whenever I experienced a hard time, I was fragile and easily upset. I would become depressed if someone did not agree with me when I clarified the truth to them. No one had ever disagreed with me like this before. If I didn't do well on something, I would be very depressed and stay that way for a long time.
All of the above are my conclusions concerning my cultivation experiences. I feel some of my understandings are still quite superficial. However, I have now changed my attitude and find that many of my problems are the result of not looking inward for answers in tough times. In the future, I believe I will be modest and look inward. I won't hide my attachments, but instead cultivate diligently and firmly. I hope that those with similar weaknesses to mine will take notice. Let's cultivate diligently, assist Master in validating the Fa and return to our true home.