Throwing Off My Human Shell, Waking Up, and Getting on the Divine Path

(Minghui.org) I started practicing Falun Gong in 1997 because of poor health. At the time I didn't do the exercises diligently and also didn't know how to cultivate xinxing.

I renewed my cultivation in the second half of 1998 after my son was born and I finished an occupational qualification exam. Once at a fellow practitioner's home, I saw a video of Master's lecture in America. When Master mentioned the possible ways for reaching consummation, I was deeply moved and felt that a layer of my human shell had broken into pieces. His words circled in my brain, but I still didn't know how to cultivate Dafa.

I moved to another city in 1999 and was able to get online at work. I read a practitioner's experience sharing and realized we should read the Fa every day. I started to read Zhuan Falun, a chapter per day. The persecution had started by then, and there was often news of practitioners being mistreated.

Between 2000 and 2001, all the newspapers and TV channels were used to spread lies. I wanted to tell people that Dafa was good. Once when I was riding a bus, there was another vehicle right beside the bus, waiting for the traffic light to change. A young man in the vehicle was curious about the book I was reading. I opened the title page to show him that it was Zhuan Falun. He was surprised and told his friend next to him to look. When the bus moved, he was still pointing at me and talking excitedly to his friend. I smiled at them.

I tried to bring a copy of Hong Yin with me whenever I rode a bus. The yellow cover was eye-catching. When others asked me what it was, I would take the chance to explain the facts about Dafa to them. I also compiled factual materials and distributed them. I bought a printer to print out the materials. My employers fired me for telling the facts over the Internet. The general manager and the deputy manager tried to keep me, but they were both pressured by the higher CCP authorities.

In 2003 I was reported to the police, my home was searched, and I was arrested. I was later held at a detention center for one and a half years. I resisted the persecution and refused to be brainwashed. I often wrote articles to expose the persecution. When I left there, an official said to me sincerely, "I'm really sorry. Please forgive me for anything I might have done wrong to you." She had known the truth and was later rewarded with good things.

I still did not know how to cultivate well and had loopholes. Just a year later, in 2004, I was again arrested and sent to a detention center. I clarified the facts and sent righteous thoughts. I kept calling, "Falun Dafa is good! Falun Dafa has spread all over the world!" The guard tried to stop me and said, "No calling out!" I answered, "I was treated unjustly. If I were allowed to leave here, I would stop calling out." I sang the songs the practitioners had written. The guard stopped and said, "That's all about Falun Gong." I said, "They sound beautiful, don't they?" He left, and I continued to sing the songs. The inmates heard the songs, too. They asked who sang so beautifully and were told, “It's Falun Gong. “I continued my resistance and was allowed to go home 15 days later.

Upon my return, things were very tense at home. After getting into bed at night my son suddenly said, "Mom, I know Daddy doesn't want you to continue, and neither does Grandma. But I want you to continue." I was quite surprised and asked him why he would say that. He answered, "I know it's good." A short while later he pointed to the air and said, "Mom, look! There are many Falun in the air." He kept looking around and pointed them out to me. I told him that I couldn't see them, but I was so happy. My son liked to listen to Master's lectures on my MP3 player. He would sit on the bed at night and said to me, "Come on. Let's study the Fa." He would point to the sky and said to my family, "My mom is the best mom in the world. I'm the best child in the world."

I continued to explain the facts. The evil took advantage of my loophole again. I was arrested for the third time and taken to a brainwashing center in 2005. This time I took a big tumble on my cultivation path. There were many things I was not clear about. After returning home I read Master's lectures again and got rid of many notions. Master stressed righteous thoughts and divine powers. What were they indeed?

Since I still had many human notions, I was persecuted for the fourth time. I was sentenced to three years of forced labor in 2006. Gradually I refused to cooperate with the persecution. I refused to recite the rules before meals and refused to fill out the survey forms. When we were asked to write a so-called "monthly thought report," I would write about slave labor and brutal brainwashing. I wrote a series of articles and handed them to the guards. They didn't say anything, but their attitudes changed and became better. Once we were going to have to take a "politics exam." I decided to ask not to participate in the exam. I wrote, "In such an exam, everyone cheats and copies as the guards look on. Such deceptive behavior has brought disaster to our country and people. As a good citizen, I would like to be honest and truthful, so I refuse to take the exam.” After I handed it in, all the practitioners in the division were excused from having to take the exam.

I would send righteous thoughts hourly when doing tasks in the workshop, and I advised people to quit the CCP's organizations. I also learned to look inward and, without Dafa books, I contemplated the Fa every day. I tried hard to recall the contents of Zhuan Falun and other lectures.
 
It was very cold in the winter of 2008. We worked over 10 hours in the workshop and wore plastic shoes in the almost freezing temperatures. Once I had sickness symptoms—a runny nose, watery eyes, and a severe headache. After the evening meal I asked permission to leave early but was not allowed to. Then at 7 p.m. there was a power outage. We returned earlier to our dorm. I lay in bed and thanked Master. It was very rare for there to be a power outage in the labor camp. The next day I was fine.

I was sent back to the so-called "fortification division" for writing a statement that I intended to resume cultivation and was subjected to brainwashing again. We were often forced to do drills, stand straight, or sit on a stool for long hours at a time, and were subjected to different kinds of abuses. Once I was ordered to write my thoughts about Falun Gong. I wrote an over-30-page article, to systemically analyze the evil lies. The head of the division was very angry and said, "We haven't started to brainwash her. She already wrote a book. Let her copy books."  I was forced to copy books and do drills every day. The sweat was always running off me, and I felt tired. I kept sending righteous thoughts and looked inward to resolve the issues and conflicts. There were many kinds of invisible pressures, which made things very hard to handle. I was determined to risk my life and never give up; it was not enough. I couldn't see clearly what was confronting me. I was unwell and felt like I was hanging in mid-air. I couldn't rise, and there was deep chasm under me. But I would rather die than give in. I didn't know what the problem was or how to overcome it.

One afternoon I felt a strong force pressing against me. In a panic I kept saying to myself, "Falun Dafa is good," but the force became stronger. I felt a burst of extreme pain, and then suddenly it disappeared. While I was still shaking, the poem "Don't Be Sad" from Hong Yin Vol. II came to my mind. I recited it dozens of times:

“Imprisoned as you are,
    don’t be sorrowful or sad
Carry on with righteous thoughts and actions,
    and the Fa is with you
Calmly reflect on the attachments you have
Remove your human thoughts
    and evil will naturally die out”

Suddenly I realized, "I am a god!" It made me so excited that I kept walking around the room. What's the difference between a man and a god? Man regards disease as disease; we regard it as karma. We have totally different views on everything in the world... Suddenly I heard the guard call our, "Cell change!" I was transferred out of the hell-like "fortification division."

We have been bombarded with an atheistic education since we were young, and I didn't believe in the existence of gods and Buddha. I started cultivation with the intent to cure illnesses. I didn't have a clear understanding of Dafa. Too many human notions made me take a lot of detours. My initial steadfastness in Dafa was out of human courage and righteousness, not divine compassion and righteousness.

Later on I kept looking inward and got rid of selfishness, striving for competition, hatred, etc. The environment around me gradually improved. I also strengthened my righteous thoughts and asked for Master's help. Finally, I left there.

During the most difficult period, I truly felt the mighty power of Dafa and kept the Fa in mind all the time. I kept reciting the Fa, such as poems in Hong Yin, and Lunyu in Zhuan Falun. Once I was home again from the labor camp, I immediately started to recite Zhuan Falun. It took me four months to recite the book the first time and I continue to do it. I hope to dissolve into the Fa.

I lost almost everything in over 10 years of persecution, including my job, the house, and my family. Because of my experiences—several detentions and, especially, a broken family—family and friends are afraid to learn the facts out of fear and self-protection, which makes it difficult to offer them salvation. I will try to overcome this hurdle and compensate for it in my future cultivation.