Looking Inside Amidst the Evil’s Harassment
(Clearwisdom.net) Every time I have found my attachments by “looking inside” and then gained a deeper understanding of the Fa principles, I have deeply felt that “looking inside” is indeed extremely intricate. It is a indeed a magical tool that Master has given us; it’s a shortcut Master has given us on our path of cultivation practice.
After I was released from the labor camp, the authorities harassed me several times. Through looking inside, I quickly identified the root of the problems, which was in me. As soon as I rectified myself, the interference disappeared. Just as Master said, “Remove your human thoughts and evil will naturally die out.” (“Don’t Be Sad” in Hong Yin II)
For example, the 610 Office had given a “logbook” to the managers where I worked and ordered them “talk to me” routinely. I didn’t even know about this logbook until six months later, because nobody had “talked to me” during those six months. The “logs” were all made up and contained nothing but social news. I saw my attachment through the logbook, which was my interest in social affairs. So I told myself to let go of that attachment, and the 610 Office never gave a logbook like that to my employers ever again.
In another example, 610 Office personnel “bought” me dinner four times. Three of those times they got reimbursed by my employer. I realized that I had an attachment to getting things done by chatting over dinner, and I was putting personal relationships before principles. One day they tested me by asking if I would agree to take a paid vacation and spend some time at a brainwashing center to discuss religious issues with the professors there. I said, “No. It would disturb my life and harm my reputation. In addition, I have to look after a family member in poor health.” Looking inside, I realized I was overly attached to discussing things and lacked real cultivation. At the last dinner that they “bought” me, I clarified the truth to them. Then they said, “Feel free to practice at home.” That day, my employer refused to reimburse them for the dinner bill, and they had to pay for it themselves. They never bought me dinner again.
One day I got a phone call from the police station. The caller said, “We don’t have any record of you (about the labor camp). We’ll go to your home today. How about signing a document for us so we’ll have a record?” I said, “No. I didn’t commit any crime. Your visit would only harass me and my family.”
Hanging up the phone, I pondered, “Why would the police station call me?” I realized it was because my determination to save sentient beings involved in public security, the procuratorate, and the judicial system was not as steadfast as before. Moreover, I had almost wanted to give up on them. I realized this was wrong and that I should have the same compassion as before and clarify the truth to them. So I called back and said, “I will take off this afternoon and go to your office; please wait for me.” The person said, “You don’t have to do that and affect your work. You could stop by briefly after dinner.” I said, “OK.”
I got home after work and told my husband I was going to clarify the truth at the police station. He said, “OK. Come home soon.” I discussed this with two other practitioners and they said, “We will send forth righteous thoughts for you.”
Then I called the police station again. The person who answered the phone said there was no one there by the name I asked for. I told myself, “It was not Master’s arrangement then.” So I didn’t go.
One day someone from the 610 Office came to my office to talk to me. She said, “I suggest that you not interact with Falun Gong practitioners anymore and do not encourage whoever you run into to quit the Party anymore. What if someone betrays you? Also, do not write to the Clearwisdom website and do not go out and distribute truth-clarification materials. Don’t give the police department any excuse to seize you; they are monitoring you. ”
I immediately realized my problems—I had been busy with everyday work and had been studying the Fa less. I seldom interacted with fellow practitioners. I lacked an understanding of “working as one body,” and I had slacked off. In addition, my heart was guarded, and I had an attachment to fear.
So I clarified the truth to her once again. I told her how brutal the persecution of Falun Gong is and that the reason I go to the police department to demand the release of my fellow practitioners is because the practitioner could be tortured to death. I told her why I practiced Falun Gong and what benefits I have obtained. In the end, she said, “Feel free to practice at home. I truly wish your family the best.” I thanked her.
Recently, propaganda posters defaming Dafa appeared on bulletin boards and utility poles in my neighborhood. It was our understanding that this occurred because of our attachments. For example, I had a strong competitive mentality and zealotry, as well as an attachment to validating myself. Several other practitioners in the neighborhood had a strong attachment to fear and were afraid to let the authorities know that it was us who removed the defamatory materials. And some worried about the safety of family members. However, there is nothing to be afraid of when it comes to not allowing the evil to take advantage of our loopholes or to manipulate people to commit crimes against Dafa. So we worked together and destroyed the propaganda posters.
In my understanding, as a practitioner it is humiliating when the evil constantly wants to “transform” me. Why is this occurring? I realized that it happens every time I cannot let go of my self or have developed a potentially rebellious attitude toward Master. (I used to have a rebellious attitude toward all the forces that could constrain or punish me.) I discovered this rebellious mentality after Master gave me hints; otherwise I would never have realized that I had such an evil attachment.
After so many years of cultivation practice, I realized that the starting point of my thinking always seemed to be focusing on myself, and very seldom on Master. Even when I was seized and held in a labor camp, what was often in my mind was, “How can I break out with righteous thoughts.” I always tended to validate myself, and I have a strong attachment to doing things and vanity.
Through Fa study, I finally came to understand that our attachment to ourselves is the true obstacle to Master’s Fa-rectification, and this is the greatest selfishness that we must remove. When my heart is all about Master and Dafa, I find myself fearless in face of the evil, and my heart is filled with solemnity and sacredness.