(Clearwisdom.net) It is very important for practitioners to cultivate their xinxing. Therefore, I wish to share an experience with letting go of personal gain.
I was quite certain that I was doing well with eliminating the attachment to personal gain. For example, it was quite easy to let others get enjoyment from a particular possession or take credit for an accomplishment. Whatever I needed to give away, I gave away. So it was unexpected that when I was confronted with a conflict involving something dear to me, my shortcomings were exposed.
Our village's farmland, located on a mountain slope, was turned into forest in 2008. The compensation money my family was to receive was embezzled by the village party secretary for two years in a row. I hated him very much for that.
One day I dreamed that the party secretary was a downtrodden, earth-colored dog with a piece of worn out fabric covering its backside. It was standing at the roadside. I looked at it with no hatred, no compassion, but with this thought, “You are good for nothing.” Then I flew away. After I woke up from the dream, I said to myself, “Why should I make a fuss about a dog?”
I thought that I had let go of the mentality of hatred and the attachment of personal gain after that dream. I also felt that these attachments were eliminated through cultivation. However, one day I found out that the compensation money for that particular year was given to others. After seeing these people getting the money, my attachment to personal gain resurfaced, and I wasn't able to suppress it. I talked to my son after returning home, “You are such a big man, why are we still being bullied?” I was pacing back and forth in the courtyard. On my way to the group Fa study, I bumped into the party secretary. I said to him, “The less I want to talk to you, the more I bump into you.” He replied, “If you don't want to say anything, then don't say it. It doesn’t really matter to me.” We ended our exchange on a sour note.
By the time I arrived at the Fa study session, I had become anxious and a little restless. I was grinding my teeth while reading the Fa. Then, I thought that this was not right. How could I read the Fa while grinding my teeth? Suddenly it occurred to me that the Fa-rectification is moving closer to its conclusion. Where would I be when it ended? I was really startled. It was about the time to send forth righteous thoughts. While sending forth righteous thoughts, I saw my selfishness. Why did I only worry about where I would be positioned? Was I living for myself? Why didn't I think about others? What a great sin this person would be committing for him to steal a practitioner's money. Where would he be? Once I had this thought, my face was covered with tears. I had finally become compassionate by thinking of other people. I had to cultivate a long time to achieve this.
When I returned home after Fa study, my son said, “Mother, it looks like we got a deposit into our account.” When I went to the bank the next day, I withdrew the money that was due to us.
Later, when I ran into the party secretary, I greeted him pleasantly and asked him, “How is your health?” He replied, “I'm fine.” Then I asked, “Do you want to practice Falun Gong with us?” He said, “Yes.” I responded, “If you dare not talk about it, you can practice it quietly.” He said, “OK!" It was the first example that highlights Teacher's words, “There will be bright flowers and another village ahead!”
One day a practitioner called me, “There is going to be an experience sharing meeting and I can't go. Why don't you go?” I said, “I am busy with the autumn harvest, so I can't go.” However, upon reflection I felt that Dafa should come first, so I said, “I will go.”
I had to get there at 8 a.m. The bus station was about five kilometers from my home. The bus ride would take one hour. So I left home after sending forth righteous thoughts at 6 a.m. Close to my home, I saw someone from our village, who was acting a little strangely. I ignored it and continued on my way.
After arriving at the place, my son called, “Mother, where are you?” As soon as I heard his question, I knew something was wrong. My son said, “Our home has been broken into.”
(To be continued)
Category: Improving Oneself
