Minghui Fahui | Choices
(Minghui.org) Greetings, compassionate great Master! Greetings, fellow practitioners!
While writing the title of this article, I was filled with emotion. Over 13 years of Fa-rectification cultivation, I have gone through trials and hardships. Under Master's compassionate care, I was able to wake up and make it through the confusion and clear my mind. On the cultivation path, at every step, test, and thought, I have a choice. Tribulations were the tests to determine whether I could let go of my human mindset, completely change my human notions, and let go of life and death. Under harsh interference, I was able to detach from people and walk the path of Fa-rectification cultivation and fulfill my prehistoric vow.
Going to Beijing to Validate the Fa
In 1999 when the persecution of Dafa started, I was in college and had been cultivating less than a year. When I saw the overwhelming anti-Falun Gong propaganda on TV, my first thought was: “It is all false and fabricated! I'm going to petition!” At the time, the semester had just ended for the summer. My teacher sat on a stool at the school gate and asked me where I was going. I told him I was going to the municipal government. He simply wouldn't let me go and then called the security office and my teacher in charge. They locked me in an office building and blocked the door to prevent me from getting out. My teachers all tried to persuade me not to go. One teacher begged me and told me that her child was home with a fever and she couldn't go home to take care of her child because of me. I knew that they were fearful because of the experiences of the Chinese Communist Party's (CCP) numerous political movements. However, when I saw Dafa being slandered on TV, my heart ached. As a practitioner who had benefited from practicing it, how could I stay quiet? The next morning, I wrote a letter indicating what I would do after leaving school and that the school would have nothing to do with it. When I went to the city government, however, the school Party committee secretary was there and brought me home. He told my family what I had done. After that my life was no longer peaceful.
When the persecution began, my family held many family meetings to find a way to make me give up the practice. My aunts and uncles all tried to change my mind. My aunt hit me with her head while she was crying and wanted me to write a guarantee statement that I would not practice anymore. My grandmother was rolling on the ground and even knelt before me. My uncle hit me with his shoes. Although my parents were also practicing Dafa, they were fearful and too frightened to talk. Grandpa was just crying as he had been labeled a rightist and had experienced several political movements and had been miserably mistreated. Those political movements had made my family timid and conciliatory. They all saw it as just another political campaign. How could anyone escape the state machinery? They all agreed that I had to stop practicing Dafa and had to stay in school. Since my major was in great demand and I was the hope of my family, they were all counting on me. They even arranged for me to work for a certain employer after graduation. I felt pressure, pain, and helplessness that I had never experienced before. I couldn't figure out why it was this way, and wondered if it was a political movement. Falun Gong teaches people to do good deeds, so why use such a brutal way to force people to abandon it? Although I had only practiced it for one year, Dafa was deeply rooted in my heart. I calmly tried to differentiate what was good and evil, kind and bad. I chose the road of cultivation in the end.
After school started in the fall, I got away from the pressures of the family. I had learned from practitioners that everyone went to Beijing to petition and to reflect the situation to the government. The practitioners around me, one after another, went to Beijing. Some of them sent letters of resignation to their employers, and some explained it clearly to their families. In order not to give their employers and families trouble, they all decided not to reveal their identities to the authorities. It was a huge test for practitioners whether they could get out and go to Beijing, truly put down their personal interests, and let go of life and death. I remember a practitioner wrote a letter to his unit using a famous poem from history: "The wind howls by the freezing water of Yi River. The hero, once gone, cannot return, ever..." Such solemn and stirring scenes inspired me. They embraced the thought that as long as the persecution had not ended, they would not return home. They believed in Dafa as solid as a rock. I also wanted to go, but my school watched me very closely. They changed my dormitory and sent a teacher to accompany me. My mother also came to school to accompany me. I was fearful and felt the uncertainty of my life. However, seeing the persecution escalating step-by-step, I could no longer sit still. Despite their close surveillance, I took a taxi and left school behind.
Standing on a city street, I saw vehicles passing by, yet I couldn't step forward a single step. I was timid and obedient as a child. I had never left the city I lived in or my parents. If Dafa had not been persecuted and Master had not been framed, along with the foundation of Dafa's righteous belief, I would not have left home. My fear reached the extreme. As I thought of what I'd face, I lost control of my legs and felt like I was tied to a ten thousand-pound weight. Trembling, I recited over and over again the scriptures of "Assisting the Fa," "Digging Out the Roots," "Further Elimination of Attachments," and others. I do not know how much time passed. When I saw a bus going to the provincial capital, I forced myself to board. As I took the first step, I calmed down. I recited the Fa along the way and successfully reached the provincial capital. I contacted a practitioner and we went together to Beijing to validate the Fa.
Between 1999 and 2000, I went to Beijing three times. The first time, I went to the Complaints Office, the second time I went to Tienanmen Square to display a banner, and the third time, I went to Zhongnanhai to submit a petition. Every time I had to overcome fear. Although I didn't completely put down my fear in the process, I suffered a lot of torture. Sometimes I wasn't too clear on the Fa principles and had a human mindset, but I realized that my life was created by Dafa and if I deviated from the Fa, my life would be meaningless.
Persecuted in a Forced Labor Camp
When I sent to Beijing, I was forced to drop out of school and I left home. Once an elderly practitioner showed me truth-clarifying materials and asked whether we should make some. When I saw the title "Jiang Zemin cannot shirk his historical responsibility," I felt that it was very sensitive and my Party culture thoughts churned in my head: Isn't it involving politics? After I read through the whole article, my rational thinking told me: We should make it—this is not politics. It explains the truth and exposes the CCP's propaganda. We immediately found a print shop to make bulk copies and posted them at every street and alley. Through this experience, I could distinguish the relation between the practice and being political. It laid the foundation for my future cultivation path.
After that, we started to make our own materials. It was difficult as I did not have the knowledge or equipment or techniques, not to mention the intense persecution. I did not have a fixed place to live, and every day I felt very nervous and depressed. At the time, I did not understand the principle of negating the old forces' persecution and blindly endured. Because of being forced to leave home and not keeping up with Fa study, I was arrested and sent to a labor camp in Spring 2001.
It was during this time that the labor camp tried to “reform” Dafa practitioners. I saw many former practitioners who had “reformed,” and my heart greatly hurt. In order to “reform” me, they arranged for many people to come to talk to me, including professors, college students, doctoral candidates, and people I knew and did not know. They used the carrot and stick approach in an attempt to get me to write a guarantee statement. I used Dafa to measure what they said. I was wondering how could their absurd talks convert Dafa practitioners? I also found that the “transformed” practitioners were irrational and incoherent. At that time, Master hadn't taught us how to send forth righteous thoughts yet, so I recited the lecture "Suffocating the Evil" to resist the evil brainwashing. Finally, they failed and used undisguised torture: sleep deprivation, no use of the toilet, not allowed to wash, etc. I became absent-minded and had loss of memory from the long-term torment day and night. They deceived me into writing a guarantee statement while I was muddleheaded. As soon as I was released from the labor camp, I wrote a solemn declaration to negate what the evil had imposed on me.
Blooming Little Flowers
In the fall of 2003, I was released from the labor camp. I stayed home and studied the Fa. Minghui later proposed that truth-clarification material sites should be widely spread like flowers blossoming everywhere. I also grew little flowers by helping practitioners to obtain information from the Minghui website and Minghui Weekly. In the process, I became more mature. I acquired some computer and printing techniques and helped practitioners to establish a materials site.
At the end of 2004, the Epoch Times published the Nine Commentaries on the Communist Party. I did not pay attention to it, as I thought that it had nothing to do with cultivation. I was deceived into joining the evil Party when I was young. After the persecution started, I brought it up to the Party secretary that I wanted to quit. I always felt that I wasn't poisoned by the Party and did not care about politics. When a practitioner reminded me to pay attention to the Nine Commentaries, I immediately looked inward to mend my misconceptions and carefully read it. I no longer believed that the Nine Commentaries had nothing to do with me. I knew that I should let the world understand the nature of the Communist Party. There was lots of interference during production of the Nine Commentaries, such as paper jams in the printer. I was also coughing and had a sore throat. But when I made other types of materials, these symptoms disappeared. The more interference, the more I thought we should do it. The Nine Commentaries booklets were very flexible to distribute and achieved good results. The other material production sites copied the booklet from us. In fact, every time there was a “situation” of any kind, it was time we mend our incorrect ideas, put aside our doubts and confusion, unconditionally assimilate to Dafa, and enlighten to Fa principles in order to keep up with the Fa-rectification process and transcend the human mindset.
While I was detained in the labor camp, my boyfriend was also put in prison. After we both were released, we got married. We then had a baby. During that time I slacked off in cultivation and we lived like ordinary people. I spent a lot of energy caring for our child. The police later broke into our home and arrested us. We were soon able to escape and we moved to another city.
In the beginning, because of fear, I did not contact local practitioners and just studied the Fa and made materials at home. Afterwards I went out to distribute them. After six months, I felt that this was wrong and that I should contact local practitioners. My husband soon contacted local practitioners and found an elderly one who lived right in our neighborhood. We set up a Fa study group an studied the Fa every night. We learned that a practitioner who was in charge of material production was arrested and that no one took care of it. My husband and I thus re-established the production site and took care of all the production needs. Because we studied the Fa every night, our work went smoothly. My husband overcame his fear and took care of a number of very difficult technical maintenance work. He often did research until midnight and went off to work in the morning. Through his research, he compiled some technical tutorials and put them on the Internet to share with others. The elderly practitioner and I coordinated the work, and our site quickly resumed production.
I often got in contact with a number of practitioners. Because of conflicts that came up that hit upon the deepest parts of me, at first I became impatient, felt indignant and resentment, and looked for shortcomings of other practitioners. I then looked inward and kept a peaceful mind to deal with practitioners. I no longer argued on the specific things, whether they were right or wrong, instead I worked hard on mending my heart.
Rescuing Fellow Practitioners
In the spring of last year, several practitioners were arrested. We immediately organized to rescue them. We split up to find the practitioners' families and urged them to go to the police station and the public security office to ask for their release. One family cooperated with us and we went together to the public security. A police officer came downstairs and yelled at us, with several truth-clarifying booklets in his hand. It turned out that a practitioner distributed the material to the public security office before the police came to the office in the morning.
Although he yelled at us, we were not afraid and clarified the truth to him. At this time, the family members were displaying banners demanding the release of their loved one. The police were in a panic. They took pictures of the families and tried to intimidate them. One officer said, "Put the banner away quickly. It doesn't look good." They were very afraid. By that time, onlookers had started to gather around to find out what was happening. A practitioner asked me to go talk to them and I did. An auntie asked me what happened and I told her. She told me that a Falun Gong practitioner once tried to persuade her to quit the Communist Party and she thought Falun Gong participated in politics and so she didn't agree to quit. I spoke with her about Falun Gong and told her that Falun Gong wasn't involved in politics and only tried to save people. Suddenly she said loudly, "This time I completely understand. Help me quit the Communist Party." Seeing her being saved, I couldn't hold back my tears. Suddenly, a burst of warmth flowed down from the top of my head. I felt refreshed and relaxed. I knew it was our compassionate Master doing consecration on me.
We hired a lawyer from Beijing. The domestic security brigade tried to prevent the lawyer from meeting with practitioners and threatened the lawyer. We made flyers telling how the domestic security had violated the law and posted them everywhere and distributed them. Once we accompanied family members to see a captain of the national security; he came down the stairs still holding a torn sticker and shouted at us, "This was pasted on the front of my house." We then clarified the truth to him. Just then, a friend of his called to tell him that he saw his name everywhere. He said with regret, "I have now become world famous." We both laughed. He vehemently declared how honest he was and also quoted his motto: "Serving the country with unreserved loyalty." I told him that he was not loyal to his country, but to the Communist Party. He realized that he was exposed and hurriedly left. When I left the public security bureau, I felt Master again doing consecration on me. I felt very calm and wonderful.
We repeatedly accompanied the families to the police station to find the officers handling the case, while practitioners sent forth righteous thoughts nearby. Once we saw an officer sitting in a police vehicle parked in the station yard. We walked over, and the officer said: "This is not my car. I am not the person you are looking for." Then he swiftly drove away.
When practitioners can cooperate well and form a strong field with righteous thoughts, the evil can only hide or run away and dare not persecute practitioners.
After the rescue of the practitioners, I stepped forward and treated practitioners' business as my own. I did not have fear when I went to the police station and the public security bureau to demand their release. In fact, at that time I did not understand and thought I was rescuing practitioners. In retrospect, everything I did was for myself. I know now that when I am able to step forward from ordinary human society and treat the business of others as my own, that is the selfless, altruistic, and righteous enlightened beings Dafa is to create.
After My Husband Was Arrested
In the spring of this year, both my husband and I were arrested. It was premeditated, and they arrested more than a dozen practitioners at the same time. They did not allow us to talk and refused to listen to the truth. I sent forth righteous thoughts and recited the Fa. I looked inward to find out why such a thing had happened. I dug deeper to find my attachments. I found my pursuit of comfort, affection for family, demonic nature, doing things, lust, etc., and I eliminated them. I was finally left with only my body. I thought of why I kept this body, and let it go. I thus laid down my attachment to my body and to life and death. I did not think about when I would go home. I thought that I should only walk on the path of Fa-rectification cultivation. I thought that if I stayed in prison and labor camps, wouldn't it be just personal cultivation? No, I had to be outside. I had to honor my vow to assist Master to rectify the Fa and save sentient beings. I asked for Master's blessing. I wanted to take the path of Fa-rectification and walk on the path arranged by Master. They released me about 4 p.m. and I went home.
I remember seeing a fellow practitioner writing about massive arrests nationwide. In fact, the old forces arranged a test and the answer to the test was "look inward." This time, I had a profound understanding. When we consistently look inward and are determined to get rid of it, we will be able to overcome it.
Upon returning home, I saw my home had been ransacked and emptied out. Our computers and printers were gone, and I couldn't find a single penny left. I turned around and went back to the police station. I told them that they had snatched everything without leaving a penny, plus my parents were missing. How could I live? They said I could call my relatives. I said, "You even took my phone." They went upstairs and gave me back my cell phone. They told me to leave and pushed me out.
After I returned home, I again had the attachment of sentimentality toward my husband. Since we were married, we had never been separated. I thought of how my husband cared for me. The more I thought about it, the more I became obsessed with the sentimentality of desire and I clung to it and was unable to extricate myself. I didn't want to eat or sleep. I didn't want to do anything. Suddenly, one day, I asked myself, “What are you doing? I am in so much pain that I am unable to extricate myself from it, and I do not feel well enough to do the three things. Haven't I let the evil persecute me and put me on a path arranged by the old forces? I cannot have this sentimentality, as it isn't me. Let my main spirit be vigorous.” As soon as that thought came to me, my sentimentality disappeared and I felt my whole body become light. Getting rid of a human mindset can be so wonderful. I could not help but sigh with emotion that cultivation can be so good!
Although Master had removed my attachment of sentimentality, sometimes it still showed up. I knew that this attachment had no root, and as long as I recognized it, I would be able to get rid of it. Whenever the voice and face of my husband came to my mind, I just reminded myself that the devil was coming to interfere with me. Sometimes, however, it reflected that we had a common goal, marital harmony, and mutual respect. The feeling was quite good. I knew that this was human notions, but I was unable to get rid of it. One day I thought of Master's lecture "Towards Consummation," and I realized that this was my fundamental attachment of longing for a good life. I always thought that I did not have this fundamental attachment and felt I had cultivated well. I now found this attachment and it grabbed hold of me tightly and would not let go of me in pursuing a good life. After realizing it, I easily removed it.
During this period, I strengthened my Fa study and firmly eliminated my attachments. I felt that Master had made a tight set of arrangements to help me get rid of my human mindset. When one attachment was removed, another came up immediately. There was no pause in between. I couldn't have the thought of relaxing. After reading the "Twentieth Anniversary Fa Teaching," I knew the importance of cultivating oneself. Only by cultivating oneself well are we able to save sentient beings. By not keeping up with cultivation, there is no power of the Fa. The sacred mission of saving lives becomes a matter of ordinary people doing it and a waste of time and a missed opportunity.
After my husband was taken to the detention center, I kept going to the police station to ask for his release and for the money and goods they stole from me. Every time, I smiled and had substantive conversations with them. I had no hatred or fear. I considered that they also should be ones to save. It was the evil in other dimensions controlling them to do bad things. They didn't do bad things to me, and some were very polite. When there was an opportunity, I would clarify the truth to them, and if they could not accept it, I did not fight with them. They told me to go to the domestic security as they were intervening in this matter.
I went to the national security to find the domestic security. They just evaded me and used various excuses to avoid meeting me. I thought of writing to them. I told the person the truth about Falun Gong and that the persecution of Dafa would bring him disaster, and that Falun Gong practitioners were always calm and rational in dealing with the persecution to awaken his good side. I thought of Master's poem, "Talking of Karmic Bonds,"
"In the vast sea of people, it’s hard to meet
A smile encountered by chance is from a karmic bond
Quiet down your mind and hear the truth
You’ve waited millennia for these words"
("Talking of Karmic Bonds" from Hong Yin III)
As I finished writing out this poem, I mentioned it was our Master's poem. I was filled with compassion and a new understanding of Master's infinite grace. I handed the letter personally to him. He was a little afraid, as he thought that it was a letter to sue him, but accepted it.
Due to the arrest of practitioners who were involved in maintaining the material production site, equipment maintenance and purchasing of supplies, practitioners were put in a predicament. Some of them asked for my help. I felt very unhappy when I thought of rescuing practitioners (actually my husband), and they didn't help me. However, now I had so much difficulty at home and they wanted me to help them. I felt a little bit wronged, but when I thought about it, wasn't it selfish? I remembered when I asked for Master's help, didn't I promise to do the three things well? So I dismissed the grumbling and selfishness and helped them.
Sometimes I felt tremendous pressure. I had heard that a practitioner had betrayed me while he was imprisoned and the evil was to persecute me. I was faced with a choice. Should I stay away from home? Over more than ten years of being harshly persecuted, I conducted myself impressively as a Dafa practitioner and had been upright and honorable. There is a difference between the righteousness of Dafa and the displaced life and the pain felt away from home. I thus chose to cultivate at home.
During those months when my husband was imprisoned, I studied the Fa peacefully, enlightened to Fa principles, removed attachments unconditionally, rescued fellow practitioners, and did the three things well. I felt that my improvement was really tremendous. However, I was also aware that I had wasted too much time and was ashamed to face Master. I understood what Master said,
"So whether it is good things or bad things you run into, so long as you cultivate in Dafa, they are all positive, to be sure." (“Teaching the Fa in San Francisco”)
In fact, being arrested and persecuted itself is not a good thing. However, we should be able to make improvements, change human notions, learn lessons, improve ourselves, and walk one step further on the divine path. Isn't it a good thing? Don't these tribulations pave the way for our cultivation?
So many words to say, but I can't express them all. I sincerely hope that all Dafa practitioners will continue cultivating with renewed diligence and vitality, and not be numb and negative, and follow Master' requirements to fulfill our responsibilities. Time is limited and our predestined cultivation will soon pass.
This is my first time submitting an article for publication. Please kindly correct me if there is any incorrect understanding.