(Minghui.org) In 1999, the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) launched the persecution of Falun Dafa inside and outside of China. At that moment, Chinese people living overseas were stunned. They began to think, “Why persecute Falun Dafa?” “What is Falun Dafa?” “Why do so many people practice it?” “Why do the practitioners refuse to compromise and insist on holding onto their beliefs?” and “What makes them so strong?” All these questions disturbed me.
I tried to learn about and understand Falun Dafa in various ways. I accepted fliers from practitioners and read them carefully, listened to their radio program, read The Epoch Times, and watched New Tang Dynasty TV. I believed that it was a good practice and approved very much of the principles Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance. The first time I read Zhuan Falun, I was so drawn to it that I finished reading it very quickly. I had found all the answers to my doubts and questions, and gained a new understanding of what life was about. I wanted to practice Falun Dafa, but my family was strongly against it, so I secretly did the exercises at home. I soon began to slack off however.
I didn't realize how sinister human society was until I had a family crisis. It isn't easy for a person who does not believe in God to fend off all kinds of worldly enticements. I witnessed how the weaknesses and greed of a capable hardworking person, my husband at the time, could be exploited, and I saw him commit all sorts of crimes. None of my suggestions could bring him back. I was helpless and powerless, and I insisted on ending the marriage.
During that time, I thought a lot. A lot of things I saw made me realize that human society had fallen to a horribly low level. At the same time I felt wronged. I gave everything my best and everyone saw me as a good teacher, wife, and mother. I couldn't understand why such tragedy was happening to me.
On many nights, I looked up into the sky and saw all the stars. It eased my pain. I couldn't help but think about what Zhuan Falun says about the universe, the planets, and us humans. I thought about what it says about consequences and relations. My heart opened up. I saw a new, wider view of the world that Falun Dafa presented right before me. There was now new meaning and direction to my life.
An opportunity arrived when I met a practitioner from China. She told me the importance of studying the Fa and corrected my exercise movements. We studied and shared together every day. In a few days, I felt changes in my body. My heart problem, high blood pressure, and arthritis disappeared. I remembered what Teacher said about sickness karma and was able to face it with righteous thoughts. I was very happy then.
Gradually the requirement for my xinxing got higher. I felt that there was a big gap between my understanding and the Fa principles. I just wanted to be a good person and have a healthy body. I hadn't wanted to be a practitioner and reach consummation one day. I believed that there was a god and was willing to do what he wanted me to do, but I never believed that I could become one. I studied the Fa and exercised every day, but I didn't strictly adhere to the standards of a practitioner. I dared not step up and be with other practitioners. I had insufficient righteous thoughts, and my human notions often outweighed the Fa principles. My xinxing improved extremely slowly, and it was very painful for me. I felt that I could not go on any longer.
Despite how I felt, I believed that Falun Dafa was good and I could not give it up. I asked Teacher for help many times. Teacher helped me to eliminate the interference. I was finally able to step up and join the group exercises and Falun Dafa activities. The stories and experiences of the practitioners I met had an enormous impact on me. I slowly understood that a practitioner could be enlightened and become a god. Falun Dafa was a profound teaching that could make an ordinary person a divine being. If I give up my attachments and become serious about the practice, I will become a divine being one day. Teacher's lectures from several Fa conferences made me realize who I was, where I came from, why I became a practitioner, and how I can return home. I realized how sacred it was to help Teacher rectify the Fa, and that I must accomplish the mission through cultivating myself well.
I subsequently experienced a series of xinxing tests. At work, I felt I was criticized for no reason and was afraid of losing face. Coworkers, who thought I had a big ego, gave me a hard time and accused me of things. As I was putting up with the tribulations, I often thought of Teacher's words,
“Forbearance is the key to improving one’s xinxing. To endure with anger, grievance, or tears is the forbearance of an everyday person who is attached to his concerns. To endure completely without anger or grievance is the forbearance of a cultivator.” (“What is Forbearance (Ren)?” from Essentials for Further Advancement)
I gradually stopped being so sensitive and I was able to look within when such things happened to me. My heart became larger.
I was attached to family. My daughter worked out of state and if I didn't get a call from her every few days, I got nervous and began wondering whether something bad had happened to her. If I said something inappropriate on the phone with her, I would be very bothered for many days. My world was centered around my daughter. Teacher's words woke me up,
“Those who are attached to affection for family will definitely be burned, entangled, and tormented by it. Pulled by the threads of affection and plagued by them throughout their lives, they will find it too late to regret at the end of their lives." ("Cultivators' Avoidances" from Essentials for Further Advancement)
Everyone is his own entity, has his own destiny, and is responsible for his own life. We need to do our best to raise our children and not be entangled by the affection for family and cease doing what we need to do as practitioners. As I let go of my attachment to family, I felt relaxed and my relationship with my daughter improved.
I was impeded in my cultivation by the attachment to comfort. I had suffered a lot in China since childhood because of the CCP's policies. After living in the U.S. and enjoying a good quality of life, I no longer wanted to endure any pressure or hardship. I was once asked to deliver The Epoch Times newspaper to eleven places in Chinatown. At the time I had two part-time jobs and other Dafa work to do. I began thinking that this arrangement was inappropriate. I blamed the practitioner who asked me to deliver the newspapers for not putting himself in my shoes. I was alone in the city and was older. There were many cars and people in Chinatown, and I had to rush around to deliver all the newspapers within a certain time. What if I had a car accident? My attachment of fear got to me, so did the attachment to protect myself. I felt terrible and scared for many days.
Teacher's words in "Lecture at the First Conference in North America" saved me,
“If you, as a cultivator, only part with things superficially while deep down inside you still stick to something or cling to your own vital interests that you don’t allow to be undermined, I’d say to you that your cultivation is fake! If your own thinking doesn’t change, you cannot advance even one step and are deceiving yourself.”
My strong will to protect myself came from the selfish thoughts I had formed over the years. I had to be willing to change myself and give up the desire I had formed among everyday people if I wanted to be a true practitioner. The Fa principles were clear to me and I calmed down. I now look forward to delivering the newspapers because I want the sentient beings to know the truth about the persecution of Falun Dafa and be saved.
Helping to promote Shen Yun ticket sales also allowed me to improve as a practitioner. The temperature was 110°F and I had to distribute fliers door-to-door and put up posters in the stores. On one occasion, a dog bit me, and twice I was almost run over by a car. I wasn't scared and didn't quit. I held on to my righteous thoughts. At the same time, I knew that Teacher was protecting me again and again so that my karma was eliminated. I was very grateful.
The attachments we need to eliminate as practitioners include our habits and ways of thinking. I had always had insomnia. Though practicing Falun Dafa helped, I still went to bed late and woke up late each morning. When I had to wake up at 4:55 a.m. to do the exercises and send righteous thoughts, I could barely do it. Having to wake up and then walk around all day, along with short hours of poor quality sleep, caused me to feel dizzy and tired when I woke up early. I quickly realized that it was the old forces interfering and that what I felt was not real. I eliminated the interference with righteous thoughts. “If thoughts are righteous, evil will collapse.” (“What's to Fear” from Hong Yin Vol. II) The dizziness stopped and I did what I needed to do at the time. I still wake up early every morning to exercise and send righteous thoughts.
The Fa principles continue to help me break through my old self. Helping Teacher rectify the Fa makes my life unbelievably fulfilling. Each time I pass a test, I know that I am one step closer to heaven. I would like to share with everyone Teacher's poem:
“Born into suffering,
Your pockets were still empty after decades.
Upon gaining the Fa, you soared upward.
Hurry up,
Do well the Three Tasks,
Save all beings,
Return home and don't slow your steps.”
(“A Reading Response” from Hong Yin III)
