Episodes from My Cultivation Path

(Minghui.org) Greetings, Revered Master! Greetings, my fellow practitioners!

In June 2011, my life was going relatively well. On the surface, everything – home, family, friends, etc. – was progressing comfortably and undisturbed. I also had a new job that I enjoyed.

There were, of course, some hard moments and situations here and there, or at least, less comfortable ones. The main difficulty I was experiencing was lack of energy. Teaching a four-hour class left me completely exhausted, and it took me 24 hours to regain my strength. It wasn't easy. (Several months before I had been medically examined and gotten a clean bill of health.)

In the June 2011 issue of a magazine to which I subscribed, there was an article about Falun Dafa and the persecution. I was attracted to the part explaining the exercises in this practice, qigong exercises that you could learn and do at home on your own. Within minutes I was at my computer, searching Falun Dafa on the Internet. In no time I found the first book, Falun Gong, online. I read and read, finishing the book in several hours.

I then started reading Zhuan Falun. I was printing out pages and reading, printing more and reading. The things I read left me with the feeling that they were true. Not everything fell in line with what I thought I knew, but I did know, and I did feel, that what I was reading was true and genuine. There are parts I still don't understand, but I know the problem lies with me, and that there's a profound truth to those parts that I have yet to awaken to.

I also began doing the exercises on my own, using the videos as my instructor. However, realizing I needed some help, I looked at the list of practice sites and found one close to my home on Saturdays at 8 a.m. I used to get up at 11 a.m. on Saturdays and sometimes also on weekdays. However, today I am up early, sending righteous thoughts at the global set time.

I met a practitioner who lived close to me and started to practice with her once a week in her home. She answered my questions with great patience, exercised with me, and made me feel welcome.

It has been just a little over a year. Today I do the exercises, study, and engage in Falun Dafa-related work for at least 6 hours a day on average. No doubt Falun Dafa is my first priority today, both in my thoughts and in my schedule. Having understood things I had not realized before, I can no longer see myself living in this world as a non-practitioner.

Falun Dafa and our benevolent and compassionate Master have given me the opportunity to cultivate. Such an opportunity had never been in my life before, although I looked for it in many places. I believe that due to Falun Dafa, my xinxing, my heart, my thoughts, and my morality have improved tenfold. This means I am carefully giving my attention to the small as well as to the big things each and every day. In almost every situation in my daily life, I am upgrading my xinxing and I feel that it has contributed to my life greatly.

I have also gained happiness from Falun Dafa. What is happiness, after all? It is that our being and our doings are affirmed. In addition, my life has acquired meaning. Every aspect of my life has gained significance, for instance, my relationships with those around me, including my husband, my mother, and my brother. Today I am able to accept them better, and I have much more compassion and tolerance for them. I just accept them as they are. Apart from telling them about the Fa from time to time, I no longer attempt to educate them. When they are hard on me, I know they can only help me raise my xinxing.

In short, now that the Fa has given me a much better understanding of the tests I've encountered, life has become much easier and better for me. As for pain, or other discomfort with my body, it could be karma rising to the surface and being released from my body, or perhaps a disturbance that helps me improve, or different energies within my body. No matter what it is, it's good. After all, I am a cultivator.

If someone says something unpleasant to me, it's a chance to look inwards, learn yet another thing, identify another attachment I have, and correct one more thing. No matter what it is, it's good. I'm cultivating and practicing. I encounter such experiences almost every day, among ordinary people or among fellow practitioners.

For example, I handed out invitations to the exhibition of practitioners' artworks when it came to my area. Arriving at the exhibition location in the evening, I was asked to hand out invitations to passersby in that busy area, informing them about the exhibition. It was the first time in my life to address passersby, with or without flyers. So there I was, handing out one invitation after another, saying, "May I invite you to a very interesting exhibition?” The invitations flew out of my hands. Most people showed interest and started reading as they walked away. I smiled at them, and they smiled at me. I handed out all the invitations I had and took some more and handed them out, again, and again.

After an hour, as I was getting ready to leave, the coordinator came over and told me that there were complaints from people who said they were pressured by those handing out the invitations.

I questioned my actions with the standards of Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance, taking it lightly. I asked myself, “Was it me? It couldn't be, and anyway, we've already finished for the night, so it doesn't matter anymore.” I then almost forgot about it.

Still, that complaint came up during our Friday big group meeting, as well as in some unpleasant responses in emails here and there. I thought to myself, "What's going on? What do they want? What kind of person would complain about an invitation to an exhibition?" I was also thinking, "Those are the old forces, the bad forces, the interfering forces. Nonsense! I'm not going to give them any attention," and, "It wasn't me. I behaved myself." And so on and so forth. Meaning, I was using excuses and looking outwards, not inwards.

However, I began thinking it over. I study the Fa, I practice and cultivate, so nothing happens without a reason. "Look inwards," I told myself, "What can you learn from that? Why did that situation occur the evening you were there? What was your part in it? Does it matter if it happened because of you or because of someone else? Of course it doesn’t. Does it matter if those who complained may not have been right? Of course it doesn't. Check, then, what have you done that needs to be righted?"

Two days later I went back to that spot, thinking that perhaps the experience would come back to me and I would know why it had happened. What did Master wish to teach me?

Suddenly it occurred to me: it was my enthusiasm, my self-contentment. I was behaving with too much enthusiasm, and I was experiencing great contentment that there I was, able to stand in the middle of the street and hand out invitations to people. I was doing it well, as people were smiling back at me. I helped save sentient beings. The whole situation of the complaint came to teach me and open my eyes so I could let go of my self-contentment and be aware of it in the future. Our xinxing is the most important thing in our cultivation.

In Lecture Four in Zhuan Falun, Master says:

"As practitioners, in the course of cultivation there are so many attachments to be relinquished, such as the mentality of showing off, jealousy, the competitive mentality, and zealotry."

The first few times I read this, I did not understand why we should relinquish the attachment of zealotry, or contentment. It was clear to me we should give up attachments related to jealousy, showing off, and competitiveness. But what is wrong with being content? I thought it might have to do with what I was experiencing now that my children had grown up and I was very pleased. So I thought that here was something to discard – the attachment to our children, one that I had difficulty requishing. Yet beyond that, I didn't really understand why we should relinquish contentment, which is also joy, enthusiasm, satisfaction. Aren't joy, enthusiasm, and satisfaction all good when in good measure?

In Lecture Eight in the section "Attachment of Zealotry," Master talks about the self-contentment that might make us seem abnormal to people. It made me think, "Sure, behaving in an abnormal way is not good, but a small amount of contentment, what could be wrong about that?" Master concludes with the following words:

"In other matters and in the course of cultivation practice, one should be sure to not develop the attachment of zealotry—this mentality can be very easily taken advantage of by demons."

When one doesn’t understand, one doesn’t understand. Even as I was contemplating these words, I was still thinking only about contentment that might result in improper behavior.

In Lecture Six, Master tells us about the practitioner who cultivated to the level of Arhat:

"Let me tell you a story from Buddhism. There once was a person who became an Arhat after much effort in cultivation. As he was just about to attain Right Fruit in cultivation and become an Arhat, how could he not be happy? He was going to transcend the Three Realms! Yet this excitement is an attachment, an attachment of elation. An Arhat should be free of attachments, with a heart that cannot be affected. But he failed, and his cultivation ended up in vain. Since he failed, he had to start all over again."

Here, too, whenever I read this passage, although it includes an explanation of the joy coming from excitement, I didn't really get an insight deeply into it. Yet I already know from experience, and mainly through cultivation, that when I am unable to get to the bottom of something, it is there that I have something of value to learn.

Now, after the experience with the exhibition, I have a different understanding of the attachment of zealotry. Therefore, I understand better the passages I have just quoted.

Self-contentment is an emotion of ordinary people. It's an emotion that helps us manage ourselves in this human world, as when there's enthusiasm, joy, or contentment, we do our jobs better. I have experienced it in my work before.

However, looking beyond the ordinary person, contentment is an unnecessary attachment. No matter what motivation drives me, whether to save sentient beings or something else, I should relinquish that attachment of contentment, which is, in fact, a kind of complacency. We should do things out of the compassion and calmness Master speaks of, out of the will to give to others, acting without taking anything to heart, out of joy and kindness radiating outwards and not inwards. Joy and kindness should always reside in our hearts – not just as a result of certain actions or certain things people say.

Moreover, contentment stands in the way of righteous thoughts and actions, because it interferes with rationality. As it happened in the case of the invitations, the self-contentment, enthusiasm, and satisfaction I was feeling blinded my rationality and calmness. As proof, I can tell how when the complaints were brought to my attention, I was totally unable to recall whether I had indeed said anything to anyone which could have made them feel I was pushing too hard.

At this moment as I am writing these words, I am still working on this attachment of contentment, taking care not to fall into it. Now, when I am aware of an attachment, it is easier for me to take care and handle it.

Thank you, Master – my Teacher, for having given me a tall ladder to climb up to Heaven on.

And apologies if there was anything in my words not in line with the Fa – these are all my current understandings.