(Clearwisdom.net) I haven't felt too good about myself for the last couple of years, always feeling dizzy and fatigued, and everything seemed to be beyond my grasp. Even though I tried not to sleep much so that I could study the Fa more, I ended up feeling sleepy when studying the Fa, rendering me unable to really understand the principles of the Fa. When sending forth righteous thoughts, my right palm often wasn't held erect. I felt as if I had more and more attachments, even causing me to delay saving sentient beings.
While I was painfully considering my cultivation path, “Dafa Disciples Must Study the Fa” (Fa Teaching Given at the 2011 Washington DC Metro Area Fa Conference 7/30/2011) was published. I read it a few times with a calm mind. The fifth time I was reading it, I feel that the real me was deeply touched, causing tears to roll down my cheeks all of a sudden. The Fa explained something that had bothered me for a long time – how I had been studying the Fa with mere formality, without touching my heart. I had done this for a long time, enabling the old forces to take advantage of my gap of disrespecting Teacher and the Fa. The evil tried to destroy me and other fellow practitioners like me, whereas compassionate Teacher saved Dafa disciples who were on the edge of danger.
I have been busy working all these years—it seemed on the surface that I was diligent, but in reality I was far from it. As a matter of fact, I was doing things instead of cultivation, not eliminating human notions because I didn't really obtain the Fa. Without the Fa leading the way, I developed more attachments, not knowing how to get rid of them and unable to control them, causing me to have a feeling of being unable to continue my cultivation.
Many fellow practitioners praised me for having strong righteous thoughts because they've seen me busy working at the truth-clarification material site. I had been feeling lucky because I hadn't gotten into trouble with the authorities, while some other practitioners were arrested. In fact, it has been pretty terrifying, because regardless of what type of persecution is utilized, the goal is to make you stay away from the Fa for the purpose of ruining you. Having awakened to this, I was reminded of how serious Dafa cultivation is, and of how narrow is the path that we must walk.
Now, whenever I study the Fa, I do it with calm mind, respecting Teacher and the Fa. I make sure that every word of the Fa enters my mind, disregarding how fast I read. Off and on, whenever thought karma interferes, I immediately send forth righteous thoughts to eliminate it. Each and every day, I spend lots of time to really focus on studying the Fa and send forth righteous thoughts at the set times. It didn't take too long before my cultivation situation improved so that I don't feel sleepy when studying the Fa anymore, even though I still haven't come to a deeper understanding the Fa. At least my irritable nature has softened; barriers between me and fellow practitioners melted. I feel much more in harmony with myself and others.
Because of studying the Fa well, my efforts to produce truth-clarification materials and clarify the truth are proceeding more smoothly. It seems I am truly getting twice the result with half the effort. Furthermore, I can be very calm when sending forth righteous thoughts, feeling myself surrounded by energy as a divine being assisting Teacher in Fa-rectification and saving sentient beings.
I am writing this article because some fellow practitioners who make truth-clarification materials and some coordinators are more or less in the same cultivation state as I was before. They cannot study the Fa with a calm mind, and sometimes they don't even study the Fa at all. It has been quite some time since the Washington DC lecture was published—yet they haven't awakened. I thus became anxious and wanted to share my view with fellow practitioners, as well as to keep myself awakened.
Please kindly correct my errors.
