Cultivating Through Thoughts of Fear and Desire for Comfort

(Clearwisdom.net) The attachment of fear, fear of the seemingly impossible, has been a recurring part of my cultivation for the past year, but I didn't enlighten to it until just recently. Taking on the responsibility of helping the art exhibition move forward has been a winding path. I had a business and two young children to care for, aged three and one at the time.

Thinking I had too little time, I allowed these human thoughts of comfort to take over my whole realm. Combined with a complete lack of proper and real Fa-study, I was just going through the motions. Superficially I thought I was doing my best, which by practitioner standards was the bare minimum. At one point, I felt, “This is impossible.” And without a solid group of practitioners to work with on presenting the art exhibition, I was in a rut.

An event related to my everyday work helped me see outside of myself and look within. I had just completed a large task. I am a florist and had arranged a $500 funeral casket for a customer. I usually only arrange wedding flowers, and this was the first time I had taken on a funeral arrangement. Although I usually agree to a job after I have been paid, this one time I told the customer they could pay me afterwards. The day of the funeral arrived and the customer said she had forgotten to bring the money for the flowers. I thought she looked very sincere and so I said, “Don’t worry. Here are my bank account details, pay me when you return home.”

Three days passed and still no money had turned up in my account, so I sent her a friendly reminder. Another week passed and still no money. I was worried and angry now, feeling like this person had taken advantage of me. I now had to consider what to do next. My non-practitioner friends advised that I should send a warning and then take legal action. As a practitioner, I asked myself, “Am I attached to money and reputation?” How would a cultivator deal with this? These are things that a cultivator should actively let go. With that thought, although I was clearly correct by ordinary standards and entitled to be paid, I decided to go the opposite way, cut my losses, and consider showing compassion.

Master said,

“So you should not be like him or become really upset with him, despite his putting you in this awful situation where you cannot even raise your head. Instead of being angry with him, you should thank him in your heart and thank him sincerely. An ordinary person may think this way: 'Isn’t that being like Ah Q?' I am telling you that it is not so.” (Zhuan Falun)

I decided to send this customer who owed me money another arrangement of flowers and also a kind letter to see how she and her family were coping.

I had begun writing an email to her and as soon as that positive thought left my mind, I noticed that she had just then sent a letter apologizing for the late payment and a lovely note thanking me for the flowers. I was shocked.

What may look right on the surface may not be right when looked at from a higher realm. Even when we think we are right, and others even tell us that we are right, it might actually be an opportunity to let go.

Lately our Sydney art group has encountered these sorts of tests on many occasions in the forms of trust issues and letting go of negativity. I can see that there are some blockages between some of us. However, I also need to consider that as we go about things, we are still in the process of cultivating away our human attachments. We need to be rational and have real compassion toward each other, because although we have a big road ahead of us, it is actually a relatively short trip.

Master tells us,

“When it looks impossible and is said to be impossible, give it a try and see if it is possible. If you can actually do it, you will indeed find: “After passing the shady willow trees, there will be bright flowers and another village ahead!” (Zhuan Falun)

Please let me know if I have any incorrect understandings in this sharing.