Western Practitioner: Overcoming the Trial of Lust

(Clearwisdom.net) I would like to share on my overcoming the trial of lust and some difficulties I have had recently.

For a long time I could not pass the trial of lust either in my dreams or my actions. Some of it I knew was due to the fact that I had mistaken the issue of taking the issue lightly with not taking it seriously enough. Others were my not being enlightened to the issue of thought karma and not resisting it.

After a long battle I was determined to make headway with this and after failing the test I decided to start over again with this issue. I started by reading Master's lecture on the issue of lust and desire in Zhuan Falun over and over until the thought karma subsided and my righteous thoughts emerged. I also listened repeatedly to the same lecture for several days until I had improved my understanding enough to resist the thought karma. Over those days I could feel my understanding of interference and thought karma improve. Eventually I was able to pass several tests in both my sleep and my waking life also.

However, recently I was taken advantage of again and failed the test in my waking life, giving in the temptation to look at things on the Internet. When I came to my senses I could not understand how, after making so much progress, I could do such a thing. I decided to look within to see where I still have loopholes. One thing I discovered is that I was still not making a distinction between my true thoughts and those postnatal notions and interference. I had also not enlightened to the fact that it is truly a demon interfering and trying to disturb my cultivation. I can also see that I need to make my concentration and my main consciousness even stronger to resist such things. Although I have made huge progress with this, I can see that I still fall short of the requirement for a Dafa Disciple and that I must improve further.

I could also see that I had placed my work in ordinary life above my responsibilities as a Dafa disciple. This meant that, although I looked diligent on the surface, I was merely going through the motions, because my mind was on my achievements at work and was thus fundamentally selfish. This situation became stronger and allowed me to be interfered with by thought karma, making it harder for me to settle down and study the Fa calmly. I also noticed that I have a tendency to think negatively about people who make my life difficult and still have a habit of picking on the weak one in a group by making little, negative, sarcastic comments or complaining. This is really far from the standard of a Dafa practitioner, and I must improve my conduct of speech and action and thought. How can I save a person I have negative thoughts about? This negativity is not my true self and I must work harder on my mind to stop it.

In addition to the above, I have also begun to practice the exercises every day, even if it is only a little bit due to time constraints.

I would like to apologize to Master for failing this test again. I have made many declarations in the past to do better, and I will re-affirm this again and walk only Master's path.

Please point out anything incorrect.