(Clearwisdom.net) I began my cultivation path in the spring of 1996. To my regret, I left cultivation for almost two years, between June 2001 and February 2003. That was the time when the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) agents “transformed” me. After leaving the Falun Gong practice, I caused much confusion and hurt for many people. I am now exposing what truly transpired, as people have a right to know the truth, and I may thus be able to eliminate the negative effects I brought to them.

In July 1999, the CCP initiated its brutal crackdown against Falun Gong. In September 1999, I went to Beijing to appeal for Falun Gong. I was arrested and sentenced to two years in a labor camp for “disturbing the social peace and damaging the implementation of law.”

I was detained at the No. 2 Group at Chongqing Maojiashan Women's Forced Labor Camp, where I was brainwashed with information that defamed Falun Dafa, force fed, forced to stand all night long, and beaten brutally. I was subjected to torture, humiliation and mistreatment. I was closely monitored by at least four criminals each day. There was never a moment of privacy.

Re-enactment of the torture “Carrying a sword behind the back”

Re-enactment of forced-feeding

Four criminals took turns monitoring and beating me. I was beaten to the point that my life was in danger, yet guards ignored what happened. I was not allowed to brush my teeth, wash my face, take a shower, or wash my hair for 15 days. I was often handcuffed behind my back or to the pole of a metal bed. I was sometimes hung up by handcuffs to the upper level of a metal bed. I was handcuffed even when I slept.

The cruelest torture was “carrying a sword behind the back.” One hand was pulled down over the shoulder behind the back, and the other hand pulled up from the waist behind the back then handcuffed to the other hand. The pain was unbearable. At one time I was handcuffed for 90 days. After I was released from the handcuffs, I had extreme pain both physically and spiritually. I was once handcuffed behind my back and held in a small isolated cell for 30 days. The walls smelled as if they were made of rubber. I was deprived of exposure to sunlight for days on end. There was only a very small hole in the wall. I was not provided a blanket and was forbidden to wash my clothes. The urine and excrement inside the bedpan was not changed for days. No one was allowed to visit or talk to me.

Every night, rats ran around in the cell. I didn't dare go to sleep at night, so I walked back and forth, waiting for dawn to break so that I could breathe a little fresh air from the vent. Only at that time could I sleep for a while on the floor, with my head lying on a step beside the door. I was handcuffed from behind even while sleeping. I often woke up because of the pain. Loneliness, fear, and pain almost drove me to the verge of despair. Without firm belief in Falun Dafa and the principles of Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance, it would have been difficult to survive that period of time. They also continued to torture my mind. Some guards were trained in “transforming” practitioners. Some already “transformed” practitioners helped the guards to torture other practitioners who firmly believed in Falun Dafa. They took turns attacking me, trying to make me give up my belief.

One criminal said, “Do you know how steel is produced? Just like the process you are experiencing!” Her ominous voice sent chills through my entire body. I once looked into a mirror and could barely recognize myself! I looked awful! After I started practicing Falun Dafa, I had a happy marriage and everyone praised me for being a graceful, beautiful, and elegant lady.

Three months before the two-year term expired, the guards said that they would not release me unless I renounced Falun Gong, and claimed that they would take me to a prison in northwestern China.

One day in June 2001, the commander in the No. 2 Group and a guard asked some criminals to collect my personal property. They then handcuffed me and pushed me into a car. I saw three other practitioners inside. We were transferred to the Nanmusi Women's Forced Labor Camp in Chengdu City, Sichuan Province. Five days later all four practitioners, including me, were “transformed.” This was against our conscience and shameful. We wrote the three statements. We were then transferred back to Maojiashan Women's Forced Labor Camp. They welcomed us by playing drums. Newspaper, TV stations and other media broadcast the news. They regarded us as models of “transformed” practitioners. We were used as their tools to “transform” other practitioners.

So what happened to us at Nanmusi Women's Forced Labor Camp that made us “transform”?

When we arrived at Nanmusi Women's Forced Labor Camp in Chengdu, the guards who were trained in “transforming” practitioners treated us very kindly. On the first night, we were taken to the duty room, where we could talk freely and sleep with the lights off. It was just the opposite of the treatment when they were trying to “transform” us, where we had been isolated for a long time, not allowed to talk to each other, had no free time, and were monitored around the clock. We also could sleep only for a few hours and were often forced to stand while others were sleeping.

That night, we were given some personal rights and felt extremely excited. We talked a lot and slept well that night. The following morning we got up very late. We had been deprived of so much sleep for such a long time. As a result, our will began to weaken.

That night only, one detainee who was on duty accompanied us. She took good care of us, prepared water and the beds for us. We really felt very welcome, especially because we had been cursed at and beaten in the past. The following day, we four practitioners were separated and put in different dormitories. The detainees in the room seemed very friendly and helpful. They praised me for being a beautiful, kind, cultivated and gentle lady. They said they hoped I could go home earlier and live a happy life with my family. None of them said rude words, quarreled, or fought with each other. It was a harmonious group. I was very surprised at their excellent behavior. When I praised them, someone told me that the guards ordered them not to say rude or filthy words, quarrel or fight in front of me, otherwise they would be punished.

Almost all of the detainees in Chengdu Nanmusi Women's Forced Labor Camp were drug abusers. Some pretended to be males in behavior and in how they dressed. It was arranged so that I shared a bunk bed with such a person. She was from the same area as me and looked after me. We talked a lot about family and relatives. We went to bed very late every night. As time went by, I developed a deep affection for her. After having been tortured physically and spiritually for such a long time, and being given such tender care all of a sudden, I felt that I was being looked after as if we were in a marital relationship.

Normally, all of the detainees had to get up on time, but I was allowed to wake up when I wanted. Whenever I got up in the morning, I saw her sitting beside me, waiting to look after my needs. The jail guards were friendly and asked me what I needed and if I was comfortable. Later, they took the four of us to the workshop and showed us what needed to be done. It was so different from the time where we were beaten and mistreated. This seemed like happiness. A commander with the name of Li asked us to his office for a chat. He offered fruits, nuts and personally peeled bananas for us. At times, some jail guards, trained to “transform” practitioners, brought us candies and fruits. All of the detainees went as a group to the dining hall and returned in the same group after eating. I ate slowly. A jail guard later told me that the commander of our group watched me closely while I was eating. She stopped everyone from leaving until I had finished eating. Her tender care really moved me.

One early morning, a jail guard named Yan accompanied the four of us as we walked in the labor camp garden. She promised a surprise and asked us to wait at a stone table. After a while, she returned, carrying four bowls of hot spicy noodles on a tray. She told us that she had broken the rules, as she had bought the noodles outside the camp. She asked us to eat quickly. The spicy food was really a big temptation for people from Chongqing, like me. I had not eaten such food for two years. I was so moved that I didn't know what to say.

I had seen too many vicious faces at Chongqing Maojiashan Women's Forced Labor Camp. At one time, two jail guards, one of whom was called Liu, handcuffed me to a metal bed in their office. They closed the door and viciously attacked me. I shouted loudly for help. They put tape over my mouth, then wrapped it around and around until my head and neck were completely covered with tape, but they still didn't stop. It was difficult to breathe and I suddenly began to choke. I instantly called for Master, and at that moment I felt as if the tape loosened and I could breathe a little. They stopped and shouted viciously, “Let her stay here!” Then they closed the door and left. However, when I was taken to Nanmusi Women's Forced Labor Camp here in Chengdu, I saw kind and friendly jail guards, so I felt a warmth that I had missed for a long time.

Along with their tender and warm care, I had to listen to discussions and watch videos. They arranged for those who had betrayed Falun Dafa to talk to me about almost the same evil thoughts as I heard in Chongqing Women's Forced Labor Camp. The difference was that they didn't sit in front of me, but formed a circle with us beside them. They were very kind. They talked, smiled, sang, played games with us, and treated us like sisters. The videos were made up of those who betrayed Falun Dafa. Li Boqing, a comic star from Sichuan Province, went to the labor camp to encourage us and expressed his deep concern to "transformed" practitioners. The whole performance was aired and gave the impression of happiness and longing for a future provided through “transformation.” One night a video about tender affections was played which also touched me.

The Nine Commentaries on the Communist Party, a series published by The Epoch Times, disclosed the distorted mental state of innocent people who had been persecuted by the CCP and later “rehabilitated.” Such people really felt such appreciation for the CCP at the end of their ordeal. I had been "transformed," and was in a similar mental state.

However, the Minghui website (Chinese version of Clearwisdom.net) disclosed the shocking persecution facts in Chengdu Nanmusi Women's Forced Labor Camp. After I was released from the labor camp, I went to visit some friends and heard that many practitioners suffered similar persecution in Chengdu Nanmusi Women's Forced Labor Camp as that which I experienced. Then why is there such a huge difference compared with how I was treated in Nanmusi Women's Forced Labor Camp?

They disguised all the ugliness. They presented us with flowers, smiles and affection. What I experienced was all well arranged. They had analyzed me thoroughly and had identified my weaknesses. They played out a drama to “move” me.

In Chongqing Maojiashan Women's Forced Labor Camp, I suffered barbaric torture. Because of my firm belief in Falun Dafa, I didn't show any symptoms of illnesses apart from scars due to the torture. However, once I gave up practicing Falun Dafa, despite living a comfortable life, I still couldn't escape from suffering diseases. I had a severe cough and couldn't live a normal life.

I gave up the principles of Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance and returned to the state of being selfish, narrow-minded, and jealous. I felt lost because I lost my belief.

In my next article, I will discuss how I returned to cultivating Falun Dafa.