(Clearwisdom.net) Several days ago, my left leg suddenly started to really hurt, and I was unable to do the sitting mediation. When I tried to put my legs in the lotus position, I felt extreme pain. The pain would increase and extend all the way down from my lower back to my heel, through the tendon and the connected muscles.
I began to look inward to see whether I had any attachments or whether I hadn't done enough of something. I was able to realize some apparent human thoughts and eliminate them easily. However, my leg continued to hurt and became worse.
Master said in Zhuan Falun,
"The enlightenment that we actually refer to is a matter of whether in the course of cultivation practice one can enlighten to and accept the Fa taught by the master or the Tao taught by the Taoist master, whether one can treat oneself as a practitioner upon encountering tribulations, and whether one can adhere to the Fa while practicing cultivation." (Lecture Nine)
So I started to examine my xinxing around "fame," "self-interest," and "sentimentality" again and again. I did find some things to be improved, but they were not the root reasons I was looking for. I thought I had thoroughly dug deep, but my leg still hurt day and night, which kept me from sleeping and even from just resting. I had to kneel down to study the Fa and send forth righteous thoughts. In the beginning I thought it would soon pass as long as I followed the Fa principles to overcome whatever might be inconsistent with the standards of the Fa and assimilated myself into the Fa completely. Although I was in pain, I still tried to do what I needed to for the Fa.
I have been a Dafa practitioner for over 10 years. Any beings made by Dafa should not act like ordinary people, especially at this late stage. I reminded myself to maintain righteous thoughts and keep calm when cooperating with fellow practitioners. I tried not to show how I was suffering in front of fellow practitioners or ordinary people. I believed the tribulation would pass quickly since Master and Dafa were with me.
For years, regardless of how busy I was in validating Dafa, I have been able to calm down to study the Fa and send righteous thoughts, and this was the case even during this tribulation of leg pain. A week passed. The pain showed no signs of going away; instead, it seemed more intense. I was unable to practice the exercises for a few days. At night, the pain became more unbearable. One night, I said to Master in my mind, "Master, I cannot find what the problem is. Please give me a hint."
After I fell asleep, I had a dream. In the dream I was with several people. It seemed they were all practitioners. Everyone was carrying something used to clarify the truth, and we were trying to go home. Others were very relaxed, but somehow I was carrying a pile of equipment and raw materials on my back, and it was hard to walk. However, others were still trying to give me more stuff that they should have been carrying themselves. I bent over and held the stuff on my back with one hand. In the other hand I held a big umbrella that I was going to share with others. There was snow and ice on the ground. If there was rain, I would not be able to open the umbrella, since it was difficult to simply walk.
The dream was so clear that I kept thinking about it after I woke up. Was it a hint from Master? Then I thought it was just a dream. I thought that I should follow the Fa, not the dream. I was hoping to gain some enlightenment during Fa study, so I didn't pay much attention to the dream.
After breakfast, I spoke to a fellow practitioner who mentioned dreams. I remembered the dream I just had and casually mentioned it. The practitioner said to me, "I have been concerned about your safety for a while. The dream is just like your current state." I suddenly realized this dream was a hint from Master.
For two or three years, many practitioners in our local area were put in a forced labor camp, sent to jail, or sent to brainwashing centers. Several truth-clarifying material production sites were destroyed, which slowed down the process of validating Dafa and saving sentient beings. I was very anxious and took on more responsibility in validating Dafa. Whenever I heard of any practitioners who wanted to set up a family-based site to make truth-clarifying materials, I would coordinate with practitioners with the appropriate skills and do my best to help. To encourage fellow practitioners, I would not refuse any requests. In time, I was even asked to help the material distribution sites that had been set up for long time. Taking all this on like I did posed potential security risks as well as affected quality.
The other practitioner helped me to analyze the advantages and disadvantages of what I was doing. I was so busy going around that it was difficult to remain secure, although I did pay attention to the safety issue. We realized clearly that Master wants every disciple to find his or her own path. Responding to every request encourages fellow practitioners to depend on others for help, and they may then lose the opportunity to improve themselves. I realized that truly helping them with reason and wisdom would help them become more mature, so that our situation as a whole would improve and become more stable.
In discussing this with the other practitioner, I thoroughly understood what I could do better in the future. Suddenly, during the conversation, the pain in my leg disappeared. At noon, I was able to send righteous thoughts with double-crossed legs. A week-long suffering had passed. With Master's help, I overcame another tribulation.
March 4, 2011
