(Clearwisdom.net) I am a practitioner from a rural part of China. Now that so much evil has been eliminated we re-established the group Fa study in our area. Every practitioner is improving rapidly. However, I always feel that I have not established much virtue from saving sentient beings and validating Dafa, and that something has blocked me. I know that I can only overcome this obstacle by studying the Fa more. Teacher gave me a hint using conflicts between me and fellow practitioners so that I can improve faster.

During the Dragon Festival Day this year, over 20 practitioners from our village held an experience sharing conference. The coordinator allowed me to share; but instead of talking about my cultivation experiences, I asked fellow practitioners to respect Teacher and Dafa when reading the Fa, and that we should not eat or talk while studying the Fa or treat it like studying ordinary theories. I used an example from an article published on Minghui Weekly.

An elderly Taoist asked his disciple to water a gourd using blood from his middle finger. The disciple, who did not truly cultivate, used a mixture of red soil and water instead of blood and his gourd grew very big. However, he could not use his supernormal abilities when he needed them. Later the Taoist flew to the heaven with a true disciple. The person that had cheated died when he smashed into a wall. We should not become disciples like that one, etc.

Before I finished telling the story, a practitioner who lives next door to me became agitated. We had some conflicts a long time ago. She criticized me in front of everyone. On our way home, she said, “Only those who did not cultivate well talked. Those who cultivated well did not talk at all tonight.” Although I did not argue with her, I did not look inward to find what I had done that caused her say that. I only knew that what she said was for me to improve my Xinxing.

Several days later we studied “Teaching the Fa at the Conference in Europe.” In this 1998 Fa lecture, Teacher said,

“What’s the purpose of exposing them? It’s for others to point them out to him, or for another person who has a similar attachment to clash with him. The purpose is for each of them to let go of their own attachments.”

Teacher's words made me understand–I have shortcomings! I returned home and starting looking inside. Today I will share my experiences.

Eliminate jealousy and hatred

One night 26 years ago, after I had been married for just one year, my husband had gone out of town. A lecherous man sneaked into my house at about midnight. I had never talked to this person before. We had been raising over 100 baby chickens in our house. I thought that the man had come to steal our chickens, so I drove him away. When my husband returned the next day, I told him what had happened. My husband and my father-in-law reported the incident to the police without letting me know. When an officer came to investigate, I did not say anything against the intruder. Instead I defended him. As a result, the street committee thought that I committed adultery with the man. My sister-in-law even told this to my family.

That man took advantage of my kindness and said that he would harm our family. Later he made all kinds of trouble for me. He either knocked on our window at night or stole from us. He purposefully let me see what he was doing. I was truly miserable and had no one to talk to about what was happening. After that, I have felt very uneasy. I hated that man for ruining my reputation. I hated my sister-in-law for spreading a rumor about me. I hated my family for not tolerating me. The hatred took root in the bottom of my heart.

Ten years later, my sister-in-law and I started practicing Falun Gong. Within the first two years, our relationship improved. However, when the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) agents started persecuting Falun Gong, our houses were ransacked. Because the police first came to my house and later went to her home, she thought that I had reported her to the police. Thus my hatred once again surfaced.

Seeing my loopholes, the old forces arranged many tribulations for me. People spread rumors that I had inappropriate relationships with other men. My sister-in-law even talked about the previous incident to practitioners, and said that I was making the same mistake. In addition, she intentionally let me hear her talking about me. My hatred grew even larger.

After that happened, I truly became a cautious person. Unknowingly, I was experiencing interference. I tried to study the Fa and look inside. However, I just couldn't find see the problem. Although my relationship with my sister-in-law looked fine on the surface, I felt that there was a wall between us. Because she is sensitive, she could feel the Falun spinning in her body. When practitioners shared experiences, she often talked about what she felt. Others all thought that she practiced well and admired her. I was not happy and didn't want to listen to her talk. I thought to myself, 'Teacher said, “Supernormal capabilities are basically small tricks, Dafa is essential.” (“Pursuing a Righteous Fa Course”in Hong Yin) What are your petty things good for? Why didn't you talk about your shortcomings? Why didn't you mention that you went to hospital to get an injection of medication?' I always saw her shortcomings.

Teacher said,

“When you cooperate with each other [from now on] you shouldn't have the attachment of putting up your guard against others anymore. (Applause) Whether it be your blaming each other, using human attachments to push each other away, or all kinds of states— I can tell you, all of those are new attachments that appeared due to your not understanding the format of [Dafa] cultivation. Isn't that the case? Yes, it is! So, don't develop a new attachment as a result of not understanding the state of cultivation. That attachment would itself be a giant impediment to progress in your cultivation, so you need to get rid of it, too.” (“Teaching the Fa at the Fa Conference at the U.S. Capital”)

Teacher also said,

“I have told everyone in my Fa lectures that when a conflict arises between two people and it’s seen by a third person, even the third person should think to himself, 'Oh, a confrontation is happening between them, so why is it that I was there to see it? Is it because I have certain attachments? Is it because I have that kind of problem as well?'” (“Teaching the Fa at the Fa Conference in Australia”)

However, in my mind, practitioner A had less education, she believed anything she was told, was not clever in difficult situations. I did not tell her about most of the Dafa work, as I feared that if she was arrested, she would identify other practitioners to the police. I was always cautious around her. Through studying the Fa, Teacher's words targeted my core, made me dig out the root of the attachment of jealousy, caution, and hatred. After I discovered the root and eliminated it with righteous thoughts, all became smooth. I saw my sister-in-law talking kindly, when other practitioners had shortcomings, she would point out things with an example or a story. Even when a fellow practitioner did not understand her, I actually saw her kind heart. Her words do not harm fellow practitioners, and can be accepted by them. Moreover, she often encourages fellow practitioners to study the Fa more, and tells them that as long as we persist in cultivation to the last moment, we will reach consummation.

Practitioner A dares to speak the truth. She even dares to go to see those people who persecute Dafa, and tell them the truth. She has no fear of the CCP culture. But I felt I had good enlightenment quality, that Teacher protects me everywhere, I had no sickness karma, and I was always showing off when I spoke. Without a merciful heart, I pointed out others' shortcomings. I saw my attachment of competing. Teacher said in “Solid Cultivation” in Hong Yin:

Study the Fa and gain the Fa,
Focus on how you study and cultivate,
Let each and every thing
be measured against the Fa.
Only then, with that,
is it actually cultivation.

Teacher has told us the Fa clearly, but I am so far behind, and really feel ashamed.

In “Dafa Disciples Must Study the Fa” Teacher said:

“When something upsetting happens, something that angers you occurs, or there is personal gain at stake, or your ego suffers a blow, are you able to look inward and cultivate yourself, searching for your own shortcoming, and even when you find yourself in such a situation and you’re not at fault, are you able to have an attitude of, “Oh, I understand—I must not have done well in some regard. Or if I really didn’t do something wrong, perhaps it’s that I’m paying off karma that I owe. I’m going to handle it well and pay off what I should.”

The Fa targeted my inner being, I thought I probably owed others a lot, so I encountered friction with many people. Through studying the Fa, knots between me and fellow practitioners were untied, I no longer hate my family or that man. I shall pay off what I should!

Abandoning fear

Fear is ingrained in my heart. I have been fearful since childhood, and was scared to stay in a room by myself even in the day time. After I was married, my husband and father-in-law frequently went out at night to gamble. One time, I was alone and had the lights on at around midnight. Police officers thought my home was a gambling place, and kept knocking on the window. This frightened me a lot. I even developed heart disease as a result of my fearfulness. After I became a practitioner, when I was detained twice, my fear was strengthened. My first thought was about fear in everything I did. When rescuing people, I worried that my family would find out; when validating the Fa, I feared that the police would find out; as soon as there was the slightest sign of trouble, I quickly hid my Dafa books.

For a period of time, the phone rang around 9 p.m., but nobody spoke when I answered it. My first thought was: it is the police, perhaps monitoring me to see if I am home. I feared the phone ringing at night, so I often disconnected the phone. This lasted for a long time. Once I read “Teaching the Fa in Canada, 2006”:

“Under normal circumstances you might not have a reason to go approach people and clarify the truth to them, and if you do so out of the blue they might not want to meet with you. Doesn't the interference give you a chance to interact with people? Shouldn't you seize the opportunity and clarify the truth to them?”

“So don't regard the occurrence of whatever problems you face as interference to your rightful tasks, to your Fa study, or to your clarifying the truth. That's not the case. When a problem arises, it provides an opportunity for clarifying the truth.”

Teacher's Fa increased my confidence. I discarded fear, found the village cadre and explained the purpose of my visit, but the cadre denied any involvement with the phone calls. Then I began to talk about Dafa's wonderfulness, the Communist Party's corruption, how previous movements were followed by reparation, and asked him, “If one day Falun Gong is redressed, what would you do? Quickly withdraw from the party.” He nodded. Henceforth I no longer received those phone calls.

In the family, my husband often gave me opportunities to improve xinxing. As I was persecuted by the CCP twice, he was really scared of it happening again. He supported me in studying the Fa and sending righteous thoughts at home, but did not want me to go out to talk to others about Falun Gong. I knew Dafa practitioners' responsibility was significant, so I did secretly. The more I feared he would know, the more he would find out. Once I explained the truth to a person digging a water pipeline, my husband discovered it, and relentlessly scolded me in front of others, and even attempted to hit me, so I left the scene, though I kept a cheerful attitude. On the way home, I thought: it was probably interference. I did not save people, but let my husband generate karma. After I got home, my mind suddenly recalled,

“Should you have fear, it will seize upon you” (“What’s to Fear?”, Hong Yin II)

I suddenly realized it was a hint from Teacher! Oh, I understand. After my husband calmed down, I explained to him: “Thirteen years ago, after we finished farm work in the summer, I had to get an IV every time. You tell me, isn't it Dafa that saved me? When people are drowning in the water, could you watch carelessly? You complain about this pain and that pain every day. It has a direct relationship to your preventing me from going out to save others. Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance is universal law, even you are created by Dafa. I gave another example: a practitioner's husband does not practice, but he is very supportive of her truth clarification, and helps her by delivering materials. His kidney stones vanished, and he has no illness now. My words moved my husband, and from then on he no longer interfered with me.

Eliminating selfishness

Although many attachments have been dug out from the root, there is one more not easily discovered, which is the attachment of selfishness. I usually look inwards when I have physical interference, regarding looking inwards as a way to solve my problem. So long as my body was comfortable, I did not strive to improve, did not break out of selfishness, and thus cultivated myself within the old forces' arrangements. Although I studied the Fa daily, I did not truly learn the Fa, my mind wandered, my righteous thoughts were not sufficient, and once in a while strong attachments would arise in me.

Teacher must have been worried about me. In order to let me awaken as soon as possible, He gave me a hint through group Fa study. We were reading “Lecture at the Conference in Switzerland,” Teacher said:

“If a person can’t pass the trial of life and death, he cannot achieve Consummation. But it’s not that you will definitely have to go through exactly something like that for it to count as laying down your life; that’s only the form of it. I don’t deem that important. What I look at is whether or not your mind can truly do that. ” (Teaching the Fa at the Conference in Switzerland)

I suddenly enlightened: my original understanding of the trial of life and death was only limited to tests of physical health or in the face of evil, whether I could let go of life and death at a critical moment. But now I have realized that letting go of life and death is naturally achieved in the process of letting go of the attachment to self bit by bit in daily life. Previously, I regarded looking inwards as a tool to solve problems, or a way to improve in cultivation. I always had a selfish motivation in cultivation, and did not put down my selfish mentality. I did not improve, and instead hindered myself from assimilating to Dafa. Teacher requires us to be selfless. If we are truly able to meet Teacher's requirement, would the old forces have loopholes to take advantage of? My cultivation is for the salvation of other lives, and my level is decided by the Fa. Teacher let me enlighten to this on the Fa, eliminate selfishness, and let me be humble. Although I have not achieved it completely, Teacher helped me see the standard I should follow.

Teacher has taken such painstaking care of me, gave me hints to help me improve, and let the Fa remind me when I was faced with tribulations. I am unable to express my gratitude to Teacher with words. I must study the Fa more, so I am able to cultivate myself well, validate the Fa, and overcome every obstacle on my path.