(Clearwisdom.net) Our own cultivation, including studying the Fa well and cultivating ourselves well, should always be our top priority. Without these, there will be no advancement. Having cultivated for fourteen years and understanding this principle pretty well, I still can’t guard my xinxing when I encounter something that makes me angry or sad. Additionally, I am not as kind and helpful to fellow practitioners as I was when I just started cultivating.

I attained the Fa in September 1997. At first I practiced alone. The miracles I experienced, which included the healing of my illnesses, led many people to ask me how to start practicing Dafa. Later, the local assistant asked me to become an assistant. Actually, I was already acting as an assistant at that time. When other practitioners needed the book Zhuan Falun, I rode my bike to places far away to buy it. I bought a VCR so that practitioners could watch Teacher’s Nine Day Lecture Series in my home. I spent a lot of time watching the exercise tapes and also went to the general assistance center to relearn the exercise movements, so that I could teach them more precisely to others. When a practitioner was sick (eliminating karma), I visited and encouraged him to be more diligent. Even when I had to go to work and couldn’t see him, I asked other practitioners to visit him.

At that time, I went to work during the day, and took care of my child, parents, and housework at night. I also studied the Fa and did the meditation at night. I only slept three hours, then took my music player to the exercise center and organized group exercises at 6:00 a.m. I patiently corrected other practitioners’ movements. When a practitioner didn’t come to the exercise site for a couple of days, I visited him. One practitioner often overslept, so I asked him to be in charge of bringing the music player. This put him under pressure because more than twenty people depended on it being there. I also reminded him to set his alarm to be on the safe side. I organized cultivation sharing sessions after we had studied the Fa in a group, in order for us to share our understandings about the Fa and the importance of cultivation.

Practitioners at our exercise site were very diligent. At the beginning, we studied the Fa once a week. After hearing that other groups studied the Fa twice a week, we also did it twice. Later, we studied the Fa every day. We were truly comparing ourselves with others and how well we studied the Fa and how well we cultivated ourselves. After we heard that some exercise sites started at 4:00 a.m.., we did it as well. Our passion for cultivation was tremendous. When I couldn’t attend the evening Fa study group due to having to do overtime at work or having to attend assistant meetings, other practitioners didn’t let me cancel the Fa study and said, “Don’t worry. When you are not here, we’ll help you to organize the exercise site. We will study the Fa and share among ourselves. We have been busy the whole day. All we are looking forward to is to study the Fa in the evening.”

Practitioners were able to share their thoughts openly and directly with others. They talked about their issues and also helped other practitioner identify their gaps. For example, at the beginning, when we discussed how to improve our xinxing after studying Zhuan Falun, a practitioner shared a story about her shopping. She noticed that a vegetable seller did not give her the correct change and she thought, “Teacher is using this to help me get rid of my attachment to personal gain. Maybe I owed him in my previous life. Now, I am just returning it to him.” Then the next day when she went shopping again, the seller simply gave her the money back. Another practitioner said, “You have cultivated very well. I was not that good. When I noticed that a tofu seller short-changed me two mao (0.2 yuan), I went back to him and demanded the money. I also accused the seller of cheating.” Another person also said, “I was even worse. Some of the eggs I bought were bad. Thus, I went back to the seller and scolded him. I also asked him to exchange the bad eggs.”

One evening, more than ten practitioners were doing the sitting exercise. One young female practitioner was in tears because of the pain in her legs. After we finished the exercises, she said happily, but still with tears shining on her face, “I promised Teacher that I would sit with my legs double crossed for an hour and I made it!” A male practitioner said, “I sat next to her. Seeing her in tears, I thought that I am a man but only sit with one leg crossed. I must sit for an hour as well.” He also made it.

At the exercise site, we tried to catch up with the cultivation progress of others. We did a lot of sharing after we studied the Fa in the evening. Practitioners felt that they could share anything and wouldn’t be laughed at. For example, people talked about all kinds of hard-to-pass tribulations, such as eliminating karma, conflicts, and even quitting smoking or drinking. Then we discussed what we should do according to Dafa. Based on the cultivation state of practitioners, we selected appropriate Dafa materials to study. For example, after studying one lecture of Zhuan Falun, we studied Teacher’s articles on illness if several people were experiencing karma elimination at that time. At the meeting of the general assistant center, we assistants reported on the state of our exercise sites. I remembered when the general assistant told me, “If you see a practitioner having some problems, don’t jump and blame him. In some areas he has cultivated well. Praise him first when he does well, and then point out his gap. Also share how we have discovered our own attachments and later removed them through cultivation, so that he doesn’t feel it is only him who is having a problem, but instead, we cultivate together. This makes it easier for him to accept. Thus, people improve their levels rapidly.”

Since I started cultivation, I have been busy all the time. My wish was to help others learn about Dafa. After teaching Dafa to the people in our factory, we held large-scale exercises or went to other factories and mines to spread the Fa every weekend. We were extremely busy.

In July 1999, I moved to Singapore, and that was also the start of my cultivation in the Fa-rectification period. Before 2004, I mainly focused on telling people the facts about Falun Dafa. After 2004, I participated in projects for the Epoch Times newspaper. In April 2005, I formally joined the advertisement sales team for the Epoch Times. At that time, wherever I went I clarified the truth to my clients. Many of my clients attained the Fa this way. I didn’t drive, so I carried a big bag with me wherever I went. The bag even left a bruise on my shoulder. In the bag, I carried both the Chinese and English version of Zhuan Falun, informational materials and VCDs about Falun Dafa, both the Chinese and English version of the Nine Commentaries on the Communist Party (also called Nine Commentaries), and the Epoch Times newspaper and advertisement information. It was so heavy that even the bag strap broke one time.

When I talked to clients about Falun Dafa, many replied, “I have been looking for this for a long time.” With every client I met, I made sure that I talked about Falun Dafa, to awaken his or her memory. The materials in my bag were distributed quickly.

An older gentleman from the Straits Times, the largest English newspaper in Singapore, called me for an appointment. When we met, he told me that he was a senior editor with over thirty years' experience. He told me that the editors of their newspaper read the Epoch Times, both the Chinese and the English version. Though they felt that we were not professional enough in editing and typesetting, they read it for its content. He said that our newspaper gave them a window to the outside world. Especially the news about quitting the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) and its affiliated organizations, he said that we should be serious about it. He told us that he was willing to teach us editing and typesetting, especially about content on the front page. Our newspaper is free, but if it was for sale, the content of the front page would have to be important. If our audience cared about it, they would buy it even if the newspaper had only a few pages. During our conversation, I told him the facts about Falun Dafa. He said that he wanted to read Zhuan Falun and asked for the English version. I took Zhuan Falun from my bag and gave it to him. He also said that he wanted to read the Nine Commentaries, so I gave him the English version. He then said that he wanted to read Dafa materials in order to understand the staged “Tienanmen Self-Immolation” case. I gave him materials and VCDs, and also an Epoch Times newspaper. At that moment, I knew that my bag contained everything I needed.

In those years, wherever I went and whomever I met, I told them the facts about Falun Dafa and helped them to quit the CCP and its affiliated organizations. A real estate client asked me for a meeting. He didn’t want to advertise in the Epoch Times, but instead asked me to work with him. He was impressed by my skills and offered me a guaranteed salary of over 10,000 Singapore dollars (7,800 U.S. dollars) a month, but I politely refused. He couldn’t understand why I would give up such a good salary and preferred to work for the Epoch Times. I told him more about Dafa. I also told him why I preferred the job at the Epoch Times. It is because they report uncensored news, especially stories about Falun Gong. I must inform everybody about the truth about Dafa, and working for the Epoch Times, I am able to do that. I am waiting for the day when the truth about Falun Dafa will be known to the world and my Teacher receives justice. He took the materials and said, “I am so proud that your Teacher has disciples like you.”

The above mentioned items took place in the past. Currently I am still very busy, but am no longer diligent. I ask myself, “Where is my original kind heart for fellow practitioners? Where is my heart that cares and wants to help others? Where is my determination to sell advertisements for the Epoch Times? Where is the determination to endure hardship?” In my bag is almost nothing besides Epoch Times materials. The bag is much lighter, and my determination to save sentient beings is also much weaker.

Although I still discuss the facts about Falun Dafa and advise people to quit the CCP, I feel that I am different than I used to be. I have less passion. After studying Teacher’s lectures “Dafa Disciples Must Study the Fa” and “What is a Dafa Disciple,” I gradually started to wake up. I want to regain my original passion and diligent momentum.

I met a client yesterday. He wanted to quit the CCP. His wife was also present and wanted to quit as well. He said that he had seen the benefits of quitting the CCP and wanted to completely break away from them. He said, “Now, who should I follow? Let me follow Falun Gong's Master.” He wanted to read Zhuan Falun, but I didn’t have one in my bag and I regretted that very much. I knew that I was no longer as passionate as before.

When I looked deep within, my environment changed. My hidden attachments were exposed in different situations. When I don’t study the Fa well, and fail to look within and cultivate solidly, I won’t cultivate as well. If I don’t cultivate myself well or get rid of my attachments, how can I cooperate well with other practitioners? Then I will be unhappy when encountering conflicts or keep looking for others' shortcomings. Conflicts will no longer be opportunities for me to improve, but problems that block me or even stall our group’s cooperation. I am still doing Dafa work, but if I don’t resolve the issue of my heart, how can I do those things well? I feel that I have been trapped in this situation for a while and have become exhausted.

Teacher said in “What is a Dafa Disciple:”

“I hope to see you regaining your enthusiasm and getting back to your best cultivation state.”

Following Teacher’s words, I recalled my past cultivation experiences and shared them with everyone by way of this article. I hope that we can share our recent understandings and experiences after studying Teacher’s Fa, find the passion that we used to have, and return to our best cultivation state, so that we can do the three things well and save all sentient beings.